Oscar Predictions: ‘American Hustle’ Will Probably Win Best Picture, But Like Jon Snow, I Know Nothing

jennifer lawrence thank god for me kitchen fire american hustle gif
The Oscar nominations list has been released and the important categories (best picture, actor, actress etc.) include a whole lot of the same non-crap we saw at the Globes, and I have a lot of questions.

Does Sandra Bullock spinning through fake space in a tank top and booty shorts constitute a nomination or is she just too beloved by the world Academy to ever not be honored?

Can Leonardo DiCaprio score his first win for the most picked-apart movie of the year, The Wolf of Wall Street? If Ralph Fiennes couldn’t win for Schindler’s List, then no, he can’t.

Like me, they still see Leo as the baby-faced Romeo who fucked Tilda Swinton on a beach.

I didn’t see Nebraska, Philomena (or “Phil-o-mania,” as DiCaprio called it last Sunday), 12 Years a Slave, Dallas Buyers Club OR Captain Phillips, so I’m rooting for the one I did see and liked. [David O.] Russell’s [AmericanHustle, not because it had an original premise, but because Christian Bale, Jeremy Renner, Amy Adams and Jennifer Lawrence are golden Gods and Goddesses all worthy of a statue or two.

Hopefully Jared Leto will win for Supporting Actor again and talk about his Brazilian bubble butt in the speech. Again. (Ellen DeGeneres is hosting, so there is absolutely no other chance for controversy.)

Random horrible fact: Bad Grandpa could actually win an Oscar. …For best makeup.

What do you think?

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