The New Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are Stupidly Gigantic

new Ninja turtles gigantic CGI
Well, the new Ninja Turtles movie looks even worse than I thought it would, which is pretty f*cking bad. If only the first trailer was a parody “what if Michael Bay used his trademark, horrible CGI to make the turtles like medium-sized Transformers, completely changed their origin story, and cast a brunette to play April?”

I mean… You seriously couldn’t bother to dye Megan Fox‘s hair red? WHAT THE HELL???
new Shredder Ninja Turtles 2014
I want to completely blame Bay, but I’m sure the director, Jonathan Liebesman (Battle: Los Angeles), and writers, André Nemec and Josh Appelbaum (the team responsible for Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol), all contributed to the TMNT sucking king-sized ass. 

We don’t even get a good look at the turtles until about the 50 second mark towering above Fox with disproportionately thin legs. (In this version, they weren’t born out of toxic waste, they were “created.”)

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