The last time George Clooney was married, he was famous enough for TV movies, Roseanne and Return of the Killer Tomatoes.
And what makes Amal Alamuddin aka Anal Aladdin, the woman he’s decided to settle down with, different from Elisabetta Canalis, Stacy Keibler and the other waitresses and aspiring dancer-models Clooney recruits as dual companions and sperm depositories for two years at a time?
She’s smart, for one. A bilingual British writer and lawyer with a high-profile clients like Julian Assange. (The main draw is the secret Crown Royal spigot implanted in her spine.)
Alamuddin’s law firm, along with his blabbermouth mother and father, are to blame for leaking the engagement news.
George already has her drinking out of coconuts on fancy island vacations and flying around on the back of his motorcycle. If she’s truly “the one,” she’ll be able to convince him to dig this out of the closet:
Please tell your nipples to stop staring at my eyes.
