Throw your Home Depot gift cards in the air like you just don’t care, because gay marriage was just legalized in Oregon, officially making the entire West Coast a haven for men in leather and women in plaid boning in the middle of church and children’s bouncy castles.
And I’m speaking solely from the perspective of Oregonian FB commenters with too much time on their hands. Here’s what one Geoff Davey, voice of all homophobes, wrote:
A GAY RULING BY A SINGLE GAY JUDGE, Real surprise here. Why can’t men be men and women be women anymore, seriously? Is this some kind of evolutionary thing? if it wasn’t for the “wonders” of modern medicine, the human race would be doomed as procreation is not naturally possible through the anus or by one female licking the vagina of another.
Because with 7 billion people on the planet and the environment crumbling as a direct result, we really need to worry about the 15% who might not reproduce.
Speaking of percentages, Portland seemed pretty happy about the news, and at least 70 couples rushed to the courthouse for licenses since the ban on same-sex marriage was lifted.
As amazing as this is, let’s take a moment to remember Eric Marcoux and Eugene Woodworth, the adorable old man-couple profiled by NPR last year, who were together since 1953 and just barely missed the ruling in their home state.
Not just them, but all the gay rights pioneers, past and present, who paved the way for future generations to not live in fear.
And also keep in mind that while this is wonderful news, there are still countries in the Middle East, Africa and Asia where homosexuality is completely outlawed.
Here’s to many more rain-soaked weddings in the Pacific Northwest!!!