Horrible Movie Adaptation of Horrible Book ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Has a Trailer

Remember when Fifty Shades of Grey was all the rage? You couldn’t throw a rock without hitting a woman with secretion-stained underwear daydreaming about Christian Grey blindfolding her and stuffing her with buttplugs in the back of his private jet.

The least-romantic story ever, about a man who is entitled to degrade women he barely knows because he’s rich and handsome, is so backwards it reminds me of an article I was just reading about how doctors used to diagnose horny women with hysteria. (It was also about crank-up dildos that look like a drill and blowdryer in one.) 

The movie’s pushed-back release date and casting issues (trading in the famous blond guy for the unfamous brunette one) may have hurt it. I hope the craze is dead, but it probably isn’t.

In the case of Anastasia and Christian, we are taught that personality doesn’t matter because it’s all about attractive people having sex. And treasure troves full of whips. Repeat after me, just because a man has abs and can take you on a nice vacation doesn’t mean he’s a keeper.

It’s Tyler Perry’s Temptation without all the AIDs!