The email stated that I need to remove a completely censored image of Jennifer, one of the many from her widespread hacked nude photo scandal and also my entire article.
Let me just say that, like my fat cat Raisin (the one whose poop I stepped in), her lawyers are sweet but also completely misguided and derpy. Believing they can actually stop the photos from being shared and seen leads me to believe that – also like Raisin – THEY HAVE NO IDEA HOW THE INTERNET WORKS.
The email, like others sent to countless sites by one Evan N. Spiegel, reads:
We request that you immediately remove from your Website/System the above listed thread and the unauthorized posting of the Photos, and prevent any further display, post, publication, distribution and use of the Photos.
Except that I didn’t post them at all. There was a link (that anyone with brains and at least one hand could find with their eyes closed) and a blacked-out photo that was actually less scandalous than pictures of her frolicking on the beach in Hawaii during the filming of the second Hunger Games movie.
I understand that they’re dedicated to their client’s privacy and have no ill-intentions but their quest is just so so pointless and tiresome. Just ask Scarlett Johansson. C’est la vie.
This isn’t the first time I’ve received threatening letters about JLaw-related things. I once got a message from the lawyer of a man who had photographed her for Esquire who was apparently very annoyed that his work was appearing on sites other than his own.
He told me the images were “still online” when they definitely weren’t, and was generally just a dickbag about it. As the owner of The Twist for the past ten million years, I’ve become really annoyed by the legal aspect of things. Not that these people have issues with copyrights, but the way they use scare tactics to put fear into the hearts of the so-called “little guys.”
In 2013, I was threatened to be sued for upwards of $200,000 by a separate law firm for “profiting” from photos of Amanda Seyfried holding hands with her boyfriend after I had already removed them (THE SECOND I knew there was an issue, for the record).
I considered calling them and offering them ten times what I’d earned in advertising revenue for hosting those pictures, which would have been about two cents.
SHOVE IT. I’m poor.