Jennifer Lawrence’s Legal Team, Like All Legal Teams, Are Total Assholes

So I got an email today from Jennifer Lawrence’s lawyer and I also stepped in poop. The poop thing is obviously much worse, but not really a story.

The email stated that I need to remove a completely censored image of Jennifer, one of the many from her widespread hacked nude photo scandal and also my entire article.

Let me just say that, like my fat cat Raisin (the one whose poop I stepped in), her lawyers are sweet but also completely misguided and derpy. Believing they can actually stop the photos from being shared and seen leads me to believe that – also like Raisin – THEY HAVE NO IDEA HOW THE INTERNET WORKS. 

The email, like others sent to countless sites by one Evan N. Spiegel, reads:

We request that you immediately remove from your Website/System the above listed thread and the unauthorized posting of the Photos, and prevent any further display, post, publication, distribution and use of the Photos.

Except that I didn’t post them at all. There was a link (that anyone with brains and at least one hand could find with their eyes closed) and a blacked-out photo that was actually less scandalous than pictures of her frolicking on the beach in Hawaii during the filming of the second Hunger Games movie.

I understand that they’re dedicated to their client’s privacy and have no ill-intentions but their quest is just so so pointless and tiresome. Just ask Scarlett Johansson. C’est la vie.

jennifer lawrence email from lawyer

This isn’t the first time I’ve received threatening letters about JLaw-related things. I once got a message from the lawyer of a man who had photographed her for Esquire who was apparently very annoyed that his work was appearing on sites other than his own.

He told me the images were “still online” when they definitely weren’t, and was generally just a dickbag about it. As the owner of The Twist for the past ten million years, I’ve become really annoyed by the legal aspect of things. Not that these people have issues with copyrights, but the way they use scare tactics to put fear into the hearts of the so-called “little guys.”

Jennifer lawrence lawyer email

In 2013, I was threatened to be sued for upwards of $200,000 by a separate law firm for “profiting” from photos of Amanda Seyfried holding hands with her boyfriend after I had already removed them (THE SECOND I knew there was an issue, for the record).

I considered calling them and offering them ten times what I’d earned in advertising revenue for hosting those pictures, which would have been about two cents.

SHOVE IT. I’m poor.

Read: Courtney Love Is Really Into Pinterest (Also, A Story About The Time She Emailed Me)

6 thoughts on “Jennifer Lawrence’s Legal Team, Like All Legal Teams, Are Total Assholes

  1. Good stuff.
    Been there. I can’t believe how many letters I used to get from music rights organizations demanding that I pay royalties for songs that my friends wrote and gave me the rights to use. All they do is threaten the smaller people in the hopes that the smaller people won’t know better or are too scared and just pay up. Know your rights and keep on keepin’ on!


  2. Have you hugged your Twist today people?
    ((((The Twist))))

    Way to keep your cool Madenski; very sorry to hear you stepped in cat dip.


      1. I understand what you are talking about and frustration.
        But I would also be worried in todays day and age of law suits
        that they might even want you take down this article
        now. They are high powered Law Firm, with $$$ Behind
        them that is no joking matter.


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