The United States are in trouble. ISIS and Justin Bieber are still at large, Men are having just as much plastic surgery as women and I keep forgetting which side of the kitchen the silverware drawer is on. On top of all that, we’re not even good at being fat anymore.
Yes, a study pulled using CIA obesity statistics tells us that America, land of the hydrogenated oil spongebath and McDonald’s apple pie enema came in 18th on a list of the fattest countries after Samoa, Nauru, The Cook Islands and a bunch of other names I can’t pronounce because I’m illiterate and overweight but not illiterate and overweight enough to make it to number one.
Kuwait, Barbados, Egypt and The Bahamas are also all fatter than us.
I blame Michelle Obama’s arms and Gwyneth Paltrow, but hey, at least the soda ban didn’t pass and chicken nuggets are on sale at Burger King.