‘Destiny,’ From a Girl Gamer’s Perspective

When discussing Destiny, the internet has pretty much all the bases covered. Flaws, pros, tips, except I haven’t read much about the game from a female perspective.

As someone who’s played steadily from its release date to now and participated in everything it has to offer – from weekly raids to crucible to strikes to tedious exotic bounties – I’d like to share my experiences.

There’s not as much harassment. Bungie has treated this game completely differently than its beloved Halo series by making it very difficult to verbally communicate with the many other gamers you encounter while playing. It’s a very social game, yet “meeting” new people has been limited to messaging, party invites and maybe opting for in-game voice chat, which I haven’t done because I’m usually already in a fireteam with friends. (Plus I have a feeling no one’s talking in there anyway.) 

Now, not as much harassment sounds like a great thing doesn’t it? And this is especially prevalent because of Gamergate and the recent focus in general on girl gamers, which branches out into the larger topic of equality in general. I certainly don’t enjoy being “harassed,” but as a major fan of first-person shooters like Call of Duty and Halo, there is something I miss about being called a whore. HEAR ME OUT…

This is true for guys as well, but shit-talking amps up the competition. It makes the everyday potential boredom of the same-old same-old unpredictable. What would Muhammad Ali been without Joe Frazier, or Ronda Rousey without Miesha Tate?

Sometimes being told we can’t is as big a motivator as being told we can. When I’m faced with an entire team of randoms calling me a camping ass bitch and telling me to suck their dicks in the kitchen while I’m making them a sandwich, I fucking want to win more than ever, and there’s nothing more satisfying than watching them back out of the lobby after they’ve run their mouths and lost to not only me, but me, my girlfriend and our non-douchey guy and gal friends. Destiny is still competitive, just in more of a track and field kind of way. Like, doing better for yourself and not others type of thing.

Girl gamers with mics have to either develop a really thick skin or be prepared to cry themselves to sleep at night, because people are brutal. They don’t just insult your skill, they’ll say pretty much every hurtful thing they can think of until something sticks. Like, “You sound depressed, like you were molested.” HAHA, molestation, so funny. And also be prepared to be “raped” pretty much every day. (They’ll describe it to you, in detail… Trust me.)

Fortunately, almost nothing gets to me besides my own failure to succeed at the game, but trust me, even without the voice communication there are still plenty of drooling horndogs prowling around Destiny. I get messages and friend requests during Crucible and especially at the tower that I know my male counterparts aren’t getting. Like, the other day I got one that said “Let me know if I can help you with anything.” Sounds nice, right? Except that he was a much lower level than I was. I also get ones that say “good game” and “hey” a lot more than my girlfriend, who doesn’t have an obviously female gamertag. And let’s not forget the random party invites. (Accepting one of those is the gaming equivalent of purposefully walking into a dark alley in a bikini.)

Here are some responses to a girl on a Bungie forum saying only that she is a girl who also plays Destiny and has a steady, positive kill death ratio on PvP:

no one cares if you are female.. you girls think you are so “Special” for playing video games. honestly you all only do it for attention. of you were not doing it for attention you wouldn’t of made this dumb post.

For attention, not because it’s fun, right? …And then there’s this very similar comment:

No one cares…

If you seriously feel the need to brag you are a girl gamer, then you might be the sexist one.


This is the kind of girl that you’d want to put a layer of bleach between the second and third condom.

And then there’s this guy:

Add me big_dan76

That pretty much sums up being a girl gamer. It’s either a big “fuck you” or “hey, you should fuck me” when all most of us want to do is play the game, have fun and maybe make some friends along the way.

Finding a good raid team is hell, no matter your gender. When I do the raid, either the latest, Crota’s End (Crota), or Vault of Glass (VoG) with people I don’t know very well, I don’t feel always like I’m being heard. There’s nothing more frustrating than trying to complete the raid – which is very difficult in the first place – with people who aren’t communicating properly, and if you play Destiny, you kind of have to do the raid because it’s one of only two ways to reach the highest level and the only way to get exclusive gear.

When not doing the raid with people we know, I use the popular group-finding DestinyLFG.com, which I prefer over DestinyLFG.net for the layout and fact that it doesn’t refresh so quickly (.net makes me feel a little epileptic). Besides the time nobody seemed to hear my girlfriend repeatedly and loudly warn everyone that Crota was in the center, so go left, and everyone took a hard right until some deep, manvoiced person said “Hey, I think we can go left,” we’ve had mostly good experiences with groups from the site and met a lot of really nice, funny, helpful non-rapey people.

It’s not like everyone has an obviously-that-girl-has-no-idea-what-she’s-talking-about mentality, but there are times when it feels like no one’s listening. It might be that whole men-don’t-ask-for-directions stereotype or just general human disorganization.

Equality, motherfucker. On other games, there have been plenty of times where I felt like my skill level was doubted because of my gender, and that has not been the case for me with Destiny, but that has a lot to do with the fact that I can’t read the minds or hear the male-controlled guardians I’m playing against.

And before you call me a man-hating lesbian, let me clarify that I’ve played with girls who were just as obnoxious and attention-seeking as the shit-talking guy trolls, but I also met three of my favorite people on
Xbox, so it’s not all bad.

Stay safe, guardians!

P.s. I will pay $20 to the first person who sends me a video of themselves doing either the male awoken or female exo dance in a real-life club.

4 thoughts on “‘Destiny,’ From a Girl Gamer’s Perspective

  1. Equality doesn’t exists and would be something not equal. Man and woman are not equal. Now before i enter to where i think you are or you are going with this, i will mention something obvious: The world…has bad people. I mean, if someone think a gamer is less capable because is a she and not a him, then could be there is bad people, idiots and maybe some misogynist.

    Now, i think this and i could be wrong, is something political, like “i’m feminist or left party social marxist and i want the fall of the patriarchal cultural barriers”.

    There is no situation with woman in video games nor anything. There is no hate. The is so much love and …desire. And this all comes from woman to man and man to woman. And the hate, also comes from woman…..to man. Also from man to man. From black to white. From white to not so white. From an American to a Brazilian. Whatever. Bad things. Good things. Everything.

    You can’t just pick some things that happen to some woman and tell that there is a situation of hating like with nazis. Anyone could argue the same including male christian white people. Stupidity is a feature in all humanity, not exclusive for any gender, any race, any country.

    Yes, there are so many woman seeking attention. I meet mans that pretended to be a woman in games to get things, adenas in Lineage 2, items, whatever. I also meet girls , real ones who like to ask for things and some mans, kids, they give their virtual wealth to please a woman and they wont get a thing, they just do it. Maybe some hope for a meet but, that’s childish.

    I don’t like people who play a rol of victim. I do sympathize with victims when they are. I can feel and support you even stop those who attack you but not if you put it in feminist movements terms. This kind of things happen in all games. Guild Wars 2 for example people hate others for how fast or capable they are in an instance. The same in TERA and for what i heard in many games. So it’s more a home education, cultural problem in gaming and gamers in general not something of genders and cultural dogmas really.


  2. As someone that is crossing between genders I struggle to appreciate males. While I am privileged as no one sees me as female, it’s equally hurtful that everyone sees me as male.
    Thank you for the post and I’m ashamed of my biological gender stablemates.
    Keep on gaming and see you at oryx I hope (still need that bastard)


  3. As a female gamer that has been playing since Beta, THANK YOU for this article. I love it. You sum up perfectly the way I feel. I had to change my GT to something more masculine so I could tone down the harassment. I just want to kill aliens dammit!


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