Brian Williams Suspended For 6 Months For Lying

News anchor Brian Williams has been suspended by NBC for 6 months without pay for saying he was in a helicopter that had to make an emergency landing after coming under fire in Iraq.

To add insult to injury, Williams claimed he told the lie because umm, like, a bunch of helicopters crashed that day and stuff and he was in a helicopter but just not one of those helicopters and he forget that that totally didn’t happen to him at all because he’s got a lot going on, like trying to ignore trolls who send him videos of his daughter getting her ass eaten out.

Before his squeaky clean image was destroyed by his obsession with gangster rap this unnecessary attempt to seem more interesting (being on TV wasn’t enough for you?), NBC loved him enough to shell out $10 million a year for his time. Unlike NBC and many Americans in general, I never forgot that people who seem squeaky clean never are…

I’m actually proud of Brian for not having a waitress-sexting addiction or a dead Thai kid in his closet.