Malcolm Applegate’s life was all fine and dandy until shortly after he got married, when he realized his wife was absolutely the type of woman who deserves to be ghosted
The more work I took on, the angrier my wife got – she didn’t like me being out of the house for long periods of time. The controlling behaviour started to get out of hand and she demanded that I cut my hours. After a long time trying to stay in the marriage, I decided to leave for good. Without a word to anyone, not even family, I packed up and left… I went missing for 10 years.
On leaving, I camped in thick woodland near Kingston, and made that home for five years while maintaining the gardens at a local community centre for the elderly.
You know you’re a terrible significant other when your partner would rather crap in the woods and go without hot water and regular meals for a decade than spent another second with you.
This would make the most brilliant roadside billboard in a Podunk town