The New Ghostbusters Song Is Good And All, But It’s No ‘Ninja Rap’

fallout boy vanilla ice

The revamped Ghostbusters theme by Fallout Boy and Missy Elliott is being celebrated around the world for its originality and powerful, thought-provoking message about busting caps in ghost’s asses. It’s a contender for Best Original Song at next year’s Academy Awards and has already received praise from artists like Yo-Yo Ma and Randy Newman, who are both kicking themselves for rejecting the offer to compose “Ghostbusters (I’m Not Afraid).

“This generation’s ‘Amazing Grace,’ Newman told the New York Times.

Obviously I’m human and can’t resist singing “I’m not afraid” at my apartment’s swimming pool at the top of my lungs in a Stay Puft Marshmallow Man bikini, but I’m of the more purist opinion that no song written for a movie can ever compare to Vanilla Ice‘s “Ninja Rap (Go Ninja Go)” from the Scorsese classic, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze.

There you have it. Pete Wentz, Patrick Stump and the Fallout Boyz are relevant and Missy Elliott doesn’t need a paycheck.

Continue reading “The New Ghostbusters Song Is Good And All, But It’s No ‘Ninja Rap’”

Olivia Munn Doesn’t Need Telekinetic Powers To Make Nerds Fap

olivia munn x men outfitIt’s hard not to be a pervert while looking at Olivia Munn in general, especially if you’re a nerd who enjoys nerd things like ‘Attack of the Show’ (rest in peace) and new X-Men movies.

I haven’t actually seen her for awhile, but I’ve also been cheating on The Twist with other websites for the past two years, covering topics I often couldn’t care less about for moolah. Plenty of love for Rant Chic, but I’m never writing about tampons or Kylie Jenner or Kylie Jenner’s tampons again in my life.

Anyway, Olivia is sexy to everyone but Packers fans, who believe she’s a demon siren sent from the worst circle of hell to make them lose five games this season. (But she’s terrible at her job because they’re still #1 in the NFC North.)  Continue reading “Olivia Munn Doesn’t Need Telekinetic Powers To Make Nerds Fap”

Chris Hemsworth’s Fake Dong In ‘Vacation’ Is Terrifying

  

Chris Hemsworth has giant arms, giant calves, giant pectoral muscles, a giant mane of flowing blond hair and is part of a giant blockbuster franchise.

In short, there’s nothing short about him. (NSFW gif ahead.)  Continue reading “Chris Hemsworth’s Fake Dong In ‘Vacation’ Is Terrifying”

Guillermo del Toro Goes Back To Horror Roots With ‘Crimson Peak’

crimson peak ghost Crimson Peak Guillermo del Toro‘s return to cinematic horror since his action-heavy ode to Japanese monsters (Pacific Rim), TV vampires (The Strain) and comic books (Hellboy) — stars Mia Wasikowska as a girl living in a haunted house who moves to a much more haunted house to be with a mysterious man (Tom Hiddleston) and his sister (Jessica Chastain) in 19th century England.

There’s blood in the pipes and ghosts in the floor, but she doesn’t leave presumably because of Hiddlestain’s sinister plan to, I dunno, kill her in some overly elaborate way that leads to an equally complex but fun plot twist right before the credits roll.

Continue reading “Guillermo del Toro Goes Back To Horror Roots With ‘Crimson Peak’”

Batman Looks Like Iron Man In New Trailer

There’s a scene in the new Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice trailer where Ben Affleck’s Batman looks suspiciously like he’s wearing a black version of Iron Man’s suit.

Affleck has also chosen to use the classic deep, loud and over-the-top voice we’d grown to hate in Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight movies.
Batman iron man
While we still don’t know exactly why Batman and Superman are fighting (other than to make Warner Bros. a sh*tload of money at the box office), the Superman statue with “False God” painted on the chest plate might be a clue.

Current Photos of Actress Daveigh Chase Will Make You a Lot Less Afraid of ‘The Ring’

Daveigh Chase sexy I was in high school when The Ring came out. It was the first time in a decade everyone was talking about a horror movie in the same way I imagine they were when The Shining or Psycho debuted, and also the first time I was afraid of a common object (the TV).

All this thanks to a performance from Daveigh Chase, who played the nightmare-inducing Samara in the 2002 American remake of Ringu.

Now that I’m, uh, not 16, and Chase is 24, blonde and a frequent poster of sexy pictures on Instagram, I think we can all rest easy. (Or easier, at least?)
girl from the ring all grown up Now if only someone would post a photo of the horses from The Ring alive and well in an Easter-themed pasture somewhere dressed as My Little Ponies or unicorns…

Emma Watson and Prince Harry Aren’t a Thing

Hermione mud bloodSo you heard that Emma Watson and Prince Harry are an item, yes? Well, they’re not. Firstly, Watson is a classy young broad who I’d like to believe has much better taste than that, and second, she said so on Twitter (sort of).

But then again, I wanted to believe that Hermione Granger wouldn’t fall for a certain sweet-yet-clueless ginger with a knack for being dead weight when people are busy trying their hardest to destroy Voldemort. Lesson: anyone lacking the last name “Potter” or “Radcliffe” is a bad choice for her.

Here’s what Watson had to say on social media about not dating a full-blood prince:

The “exclusive” story from Women’s Day Australia detailed a tryst that thrived on “secret dates” and the fact that Harry is “smitten” for more than just “Emma’s looks,” and is instead after her soul because he doesn’t have one.  Continue reading “Emma Watson and Prince Harry Aren’t a Thing”

Emma Watson Cast as Belle in ‘Beauty and the Beast’

Feminist/actress/down-to-earth sex symbol Emma Watson has been cast as Belle in a live action version of Beauty and the Beast directed by Bill Condon of Breaking Dawn, uh, fame.

Can’t wait for Belle to be pregnant with Beast’s baby and have to sacrifice Mrs. Potts (voice of Meryl Streep, obviously) to it. Speaking of that, how on earth are they going to depict talking clocks and dishware? Will the feather duster still get it on with the candlestick?

Are they going to do my favorite Disney movie justice or is it just Fifty Shades of Grey with an animal twist. Like the highest budget donkey show ever…  Continue reading “Emma Watson Cast as Belle in ‘Beauty and the Beast’”

Tatiana Maslany and Rooney Mara Up For Big ‘Star Wars’ Role

Emmy-less Tatiana Maslany (Orphan Black) and Oscar-less Rooney Mara (The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo) are both up for a leading lady position on the next, next Star Wars movie. NOT this year’s The Force Awakens, but the one from 2015 directed by Gareth Edwards (looking to redeem himself for the Godzilla reboot). British actress Felicity Jones (Autobahn, The Theory of Everything) is also screen testing for the job.

In a perfect world Mara, Maslany and Jones are testing for a role as Mara Jade Skywalker from Timothy Zahn’s awesome Star Wars books, the Thrawn trilogy, which should honestly serve as source material for any new SW movie.

Tell me you don’t agree after reading this description of Zahn’s Heir to the Empire:

It’s five years after Return of the Jedi: the Rebel Alliance has destroyed the Death Star, defeated Darth Vader and the Emperor, and driven out the remnants of the old Imperial Starfleet to a distant corner of the galaxy. Princess Leia and Han Solo are married and expecting Jedi Twins.

The Thrawn trilogy has been credited by many for keeping Star Wars going and was the only known remedy for people with debilitating post traumatic Phantom Menace disease.

In the off chance that they are actually auditioning to play Mara Jade, Google Image Search suggests we picture them in Scarlett Johansson’s Black Widow costume from Iron Man 2 and The Avengers… 
orphan black attack of the clonesRead: Why Tatiana Maslany Should Be On Your Radar

The Best Non-Cosby Jokes from the Globes

Jessica Chastain goldeng globesWhen it came to Tina Fey and Amy Poehler’s Bill Cosby joke at the Golden Globes, you were either laughing hysterically (Lena Dunham) or completely losing your sh*t (Jessica Chastain). So fun seeing harmless Clooney’s-wife-could-do-better and Meryl Streep-has-a-million-awards jokes turn into I PUT THE PILLS IN THE PEOPLE.

There were of course other funny moments from the monologue which are being a tad overshadowed…

1. Amy, to Frances McDormand: Frances, I love you. Can I just say you’re the only person in this room that I would save in a fire?

2. Tina: George Clooney married Amal Alamuddin this year. Amal is a human rights lawyer who worked on the Enron case, was an advisor to Kofi Annan regarding Syria, and was selected for a three-person UN commission investigating rules of war violations in the Gaza strip. So tonight, her husband is getting a lifetime achievement award.

3. Amy: I didn’t like Gone Girl. I go to the movies to escape, I don’t want to just see myself up there on the screen.

4. Amy, on Reese Witherspoon in Wild: She did all of her own walking … Andy Serkis was great as her backpack.  Continue reading “The Best Non-Cosby Jokes from the Globes”

The 5 Most Insane Moments of ‘Gone Girl’ (SPOILERS)

gone girl car amy
For so many, Gone Girl is the worst possible marriage scenario, but for me it’s the terrifying story of the craziest woman ever. We have author Gillian Flynn, David Fincher, Ben Affleck and Rosamund Pike to thank for the most psychological fuckery of 2014. Spoilers ahead.

Continue reading “The 5 Most Insane Moments of ‘Gone Girl’ (SPOILERS)”

Goth Icons Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton Are No More

Tim Burton helena bonham makeupAfter 13 years, two children and 7 movies together, epic crazy-haired witch Helena Bonham Carter and slightly less epic crazy-haired warlock Tim Burton have split up.

It’s a sad sad day, but I know most people’s first question isn’t “Oh No, what happened?” it’s “Who the f*ck is going to star in his movies now??”

What other spicy gothic British woman with dirty Renaissance thift store swag could possibly fill her shoes? Do we really have to wait for Kate Beckinsale to lose her mind, or will Tim Burton throw us a bone and continue to work with his ex out of respect for the craft and the fact that his movies will suck even more without her…  Continue reading “Goth Icons Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton Are No More”

Nvm: Sony WILL Show ‘The Interview’ on Christmas

seth rogen james franco dancing the interview gif imgurWell this is confusing, the CEO/Chairman of Sony is saying that the studio has “never given up on releasing The Interview, after a spokesman said they had “no further release plans” less than a week earlier due to the negative press surrounding the movie.

Sony’s Michael Lynton also said the following about the controversial Seth Rogen comedy:

We are continuing our efforts to secure more platforms and more theaters so that this movie reaches the largest possible audience.

Continue reading “Nvm: Sony WILL Show ‘The Interview’ on Christmas”

Sony Pulls ‘The Interview’ From All Theaters

Kim jong il death scene the interviewSeth Rogen and James Franco’s The Interview has been scrapped from all major theaters by Sony, who also reportedly have NO PLANS to release in on DVD or on demand due to the plot of the entire movie, specifically a scene were their beloved(?) leader Kim Jong-un burns to death in slow motion.

Leaked emails from Rogen himself detailed the gory scene, which apparently included “hair burning,” “face embers” and a “wave of head chunks.” 

Sounds hilarious, right? North Korean hackers didn’t quite think so…

After catching wind of The Interview, a group calling themselves the “Guardians of Peace” threatened to bomb any venue who dared screen it, 9/11 style.

Warning

the interview posterWe will clearly show it to you at the very time and places “The Interview” be shown, including the
premiere, how bitter fate those who seek fun in terror should be doomed to.
Soon all the world will see what an awful movie Sony Pictures Entertainment has made.
The world will be full of fear.
Remember the 11th of September 2001.
We recommend you to keep yourself distant from the places at that time.
(If your house is nearby, you’d better leave.)
Whatever comes in the coming days is called by the greed of Sony Pictures Entertainment.
All the world will denounce the SONY.

Continue reading “Sony Pulls ‘The Interview’ From All Theaters”

Reese Witherspoon Loves Oregon

Reese Witherspoon oregon premiereFire hydrant-sized actress Reese Witherspoon recently re-visited Oregon for the premiere of Wild, written by local author Cheryl Strayed. Witherspoon called the state a “second home” and praised the beauty of filming locations like Bend, Crater Lake and the adorable Shakespeare-loving community of Ashland and Portland restaurants Tasty n Alder and Pok Pok.

“It was so great to shoot Cheryl Strayed’s story in Oregon,” Witherspoon said. “When I talked to Jean-Marc Vallee I said I wanted this to be a love letter to Oregon — the beautiful vistas, the mountains, the water. I felt like it was so important that people see how beautiful the state is.”

That’s so Portland: Laura Dern (of Jurassic Park and Enlightened fame), who plays Witherspoon’s mother in Wild, was was presented a box of Voodoo Donuts. Aww.