Funny Video: NBA Players Read Mean Tweets

The maturity of internet trolls combined with the confused faces of professional basketball players makes the second NBA edition of Mean Tweets comic gold. PRESS PLAY!

And I know my gossipy lowlife ass wasn’t the only one waiting with bated breath for the Kim Kardashian diss during the Kris Humphries portion.
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Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure rudely interrupted

race for the cure seattle 2014During the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure it started to rain, but not the beautiful rain you love to run around in… Instead, it rained cat feces, cat litter, chicken breasts and a green liquid (Nickelodeon slime?). As it turns out, a lady from the fifth floor apartment that the race was going on by was the cause of the cat poop-throwing rage.

The police say that the women was so angry about the noise the race for cancer was making that she flung cat feces and frozen chicken parts. (Kind like angry birds but with cat poop and chicken.)

On Sunday morning, officers reported seeing a “hail of garbage” fall from a fifth story apartment in downtown Seattle.  Continue reading “Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure rudely interrupted”

Hilarious Fake Lawsuit Has Johnny Manziel Sending X-Rated Hotdog-Themed Selfies

Johnny Manziel hotdogBrowns quarterback Johnny “Football” Manziel allegedly sent Dr. Drew On Call co-host Samantha Schacher a photo of his penis in a hotdog bun and a video of him dancing naked to “It’s a Small World,” in a $25 million dollar lawsuit filed in Florida.

The 1st round draft pick’s agent is calling the suit “1000000% fake,” and it’s more than likely that serial legal attention-seeker Jonathan Lee Riches is behind the whole thing. (Schacher denies ever filing it.)

Riches is the man who accused Kim and Kanye of being terrorists and Britney Spears of forcing him to buy implants and cocaine for her at gunpoint.

Read: The 18 Most Outrageous Things Johnny Football Has Done

 

Everything You Need to Know About the Actor Who Plays ‘The Mountain’

the mountain actor game of thronesThe first thing to know about the latest actor to tackle the role of Gregor Clegane a.ka. “The Mountain” on Game of Thrones, is that he’s not a trained actor at all, he’s a competitive weightlifter.

At 6’9″ and nearly 420 pounds, Hafthor Bjornsson (nicknamed “Thor” and “The Icelander”) is the third strongest man in the entire world, and the strongest in Iceland. And a role on Game of Thrones isn’t the only unique offer Bjornsson has received based on his physique. 

In 2013, the Indianapolis Colts almost added him to their roster, and it’s likely that other teams expressed interest, as Bjornsson once said that he “had to choose” between his training in the gymacting and the NFL.  Continue reading “Everything You Need to Know About the Actor Who Plays ‘The Mountain’”

Donald Sterling Fined Millions, Banned From All Things NBA for Life Over Racist Remarks

Donald Sterling fatI’m sure Donald Sterling regrets not sitting up in his executive suite waving his liver-spotted fingers and wishing whips were allowed through security at Staples Center every time a Clipper player missed a free throw.

After all, no one’s ever gotten a $2.5 million dollar fine or lifetime ban from the NBA for racist thoughts, but that is the exact punishment doled out to him by Commissioner Adam Silver for voicing his backwards opinions on minorities.

I’m not exactly defending the old fart, because someone like him really should not have any say in what goes on with a group of African-American men, but his thoughts aren’t even remotely unusual for a white man born in 1933. Black men being able to vote, let alone date white women without getting flogged and thrown in a tree, is a revelation to him.

Continue reading “Donald Sterling Fined Millions, Banned From All Things NBA for Life Over Racist Remarks”

Clippers Owner is in a Mess of Trouble After Making Racist Comments to Black Mistress

Donald Sterling mistressMarried rich geezer Donald Sterling is having quite the identity crisis this week. Sterling is under investigation by the NBA after being caught on tape telling his girlfriend that he’s tired of her promoting her friendships with black people.

It bothers me a lot that you want to broadcast that you’re associating with black people,” he says on the recording. “Do you have to?” 

Not only are 12 of Sterling’s 14 L.A. Clippers African-American (and the coach), but his mistress, 38-year-old Maria Vanessa Perez, known to the press simply as V. Stiviano, is half Latina and half black.

The entire league, both active and retired are urging folks to boycott the team, and the Clippers players themselves protested by wearing their warm-up uniforms inside out so the logo wasn’t visible.

Sterling’s biggest mistake was perhaps including beloved icon Magic Johnson in his rant, expressing concern over Stiviano bringing him to Staples Center.  Continue reading “Clippers Owner is in a Mess of Trouble After Making Racist Comments to Black Mistress”

Paraplegic Aussie Mom Loves Being Duct Taped to Surfer’s Back

woman taped to surfer's back
So I’m scrolling through Facebook the other day and I see this post about an Australian woman who, after a severe car accident, can no longer use her legs. And I click on it and read that she always wanted to go surfing so her son’s friend offered to tape her to his back.

Call me crazy, but I cannot think of anything worse than being strapped to someone’s back on a strip of material that is less than two feet wide in a deep body of water. Oh and to top it off, I’m f*cking paralyzed.

So if he goes under, I go under. I’m putting all my faith in some kid who is probably crazy and, like all extreme sports people, secretly wants to die in a blaze of natural earth-related glory.  Continue reading “Paraplegic Aussie Mom Loves Being Duct Taped to Surfer’s Back”

Snowboarder Puts # On Helmet, Phone Crashed By Desperate Women

russian snowboarder phone numberA young Russian snowboarder received thousands of messages from women who took notice of the fact that he wore a helmet with his actual phone number written on the side and stood on a rebellious Pussy Riot board during last week’s Olympic finals.

Too many sexy texts and topless photos for his phone’s media storage to handle…

“I’ve got a collection of pictures,” the 22-year-old told USA Today. “It’s really boring in the Olympic Village, you know?”

There are three types of women who would do such a thing: ones who want to be famous, ones who want to talk to a famous person, and ones who are just super horny and bored. Most fall a little into all three categories. These women are a step above those who become penpals with men serving life sentences for murder and a big step below frequent OkCupid users.  Continue reading “Snowboarder Puts # On Helmet, Phone Crashed By Desperate Women”

Michael Sam to Become First Openly Gay Pro Football Player

Mizzou Football Media DayIf defensive end Michael Sam gets drafted by an NFL team in May, he will become the first currently playing professional football player to identify as gay.

Sam, who was named SEC Defensive Player of the Year for his work with the Missouri Tigers by the Associated Press, recently came out publicly in interviews with both the New York Times and ESPN.

In the sit-down with ESPN, he speaks of the hardships he endured as a child and young man. “Telling the world I’m gay is nothing compared to that,” he admitted. “That,” being multiple family traumas including witnessing the death of his older brother from a gunshot wound and having another brother go missing in 1998 while the other two sit in jail.

The NFL has released a message of support, saying they admire his “honesty and courage.”

“Michael is a football player,” the statement read. “Any player with ability and determination can succeed in the NFL. We look forward to welcoming and supporting Michael Sam in 2014.”  Continue reading “Michael Sam to Become First Openly Gay Pro Football Player”

Russian Town of Sochi is in no Way Ready for the Olympics: Full of Stray Dogs, Incomplete Hotel Rooms and Toxic Water

Sochi dirty
Putin’s stance on gays isn’t the only big story coming out of Sochi. The site chosen to host this year’s Olympics in the Southwestern corner of Russia along the Black Sea is an absolute mess. A mess that a handful of bold journalists have been live tweeting since their arrival…

Hotel rooms are reportedly missing things, and while they are often without electricity they do have toxic water, uncovered manholes toilets that don’t flush even the softest paper and a boatload of homeless dogs.

A reporter for the Chicago Tribune wrote “My hotel has no water. If restored, the front desk says, “do not use on your face because it contains something very dangerous.” ”  Continue reading “Russian Town of Sochi is in no Way Ready for the Olympics: Full of Stray Dogs, Incomplete Hotel Rooms and Toxic Water”

Two Shirtless Chili Peppers, Manning Memes and Other Super Bowl Revelations

Bruno Mars Red hot chili peppersBruno Mars’ highly energetic albeit short Super Bowl performance silenced critics on Sunday and was definitely the best, most memorable thing to come from the event.

There were bets on how many Peppers would be wearing shirts, and you’d be absolutely frankentarded to not guess two, seeing as Anthony and Flea are as likely to be shirtless as Peyton Manning is to be as stiff in the passing pocket as a corpse that overdosed on Viagra.

A map showing who was rooting for who during the big game has surfaced, showing that a staggering majority of Americans (besides in Oregon, Washington and Alaska) were crying disappointed tears into their hot wings, pizza and beer last night.  Continue reading “Two Shirtless Chili Peppers, Manning Memes and Other Super Bowl Revelations”

Michelle Obama Makes an Otherwise Boring Meeting With the Miami Heat Interesting

Everyone knows Ms. Bama and her husband are super active and into basketball, football, hell, all the ball sports, and during a visit with LeBron James, Dwayne Wade, Ray Allen, coach Erik Spoelstra, 50-year-old Michelle Obama showed impressive jumping and dunking skills in the background of an otherwise boring talk between Wade, Allen and the coach. The toothy faces her and LeBron make after the dunk might have you wishing for a buddy comedy starring the two of them as boisterous siblings or longtime besties coping with adulthood.

Gahhh. Michelle Obama is so fucking adorable. If she wasn’t so obsessed with abolishing fast food / shoving apple slices in everyone’s mouths I would want her to adopt me.

Michelle Rodriguez is a Fun Drunk

Michelle Rodriguez drunk Knicks game
Michelle Rodriguez and professional celebrity bestie/model Cara Delevingne seemed to be having an absolute blast at Madison Square Garden on Tuesday.

A blast whenever their eyes weren’t focused on the game, that is.
Michelle Rodriguez drunk
Judging by photos taken of the two at the game, Michelle and Cara got SUPER drunk and possibly high before the game and continued to drink while orange balls bounced past their half-open eyes.
Cara Delevingne michelle rodriguez
They kissed, blew smoke rings [with an e-cig], spaced out and took goofy selfies in case the paparazzi didn’t do their job and capture their complete disinterest in basketball.  Continue reading “Michelle Rodriguez is a Fun Drunk”

Let’s All Take a Minute to Objectify Andrew Luck

Andrew Luck naked locker roomToday was a very upsetting day for me, football-wise.

The Eagles lost by two points to a team who had NEVER previously won a playoff game on the road… those damn voodoo-practicing, bayou bourbon-sipping swamp hobbits, the New Orleans Saints.

Before that depressing reality, Indianapolis made an impressive comeback against the Chiefs. But more interestingly, man-of-the-hour Andrew Luck was captured in an embarrassing half-naked locker room stance in a teammate’s tweet.

Culprit Pat McAfee later deleted this rare photo of a sasquatch in captivity (THAT neck beard tho), but not before it was saved to desktops and posted to every sports site on the internet. Whoops.  Continue reading “Let’s All Take a Minute to Objectify Andrew Luck”

Robin Roberts is Gay, Thanks Girlfriend For Support

Robin Roberts vintage ESPNThis afternoon my news feed was bursting at the seams about Good Morning America‘s Robin Roberts’ gayness. Upon telling my snarky roommate, he said he wasn’t surprised and when I asked if it was because she had short hair he said, “No, she was a really good college basketball player.”

I don’t want to admit that that makes sense because it’s less politically correct than Tiffany “Pennsatucky” on Orange Is The New Black, but it’s definitely funny. (Click here for a look at her as a Lady Lion at Southeastern Louisiana University.)

Roberts didn’t loudly “come out,” she simply mentioned her long time massage therapist girlfriend Amber Laign on Facebook.  Continue reading “Robin Roberts is Gay, Thanks Girlfriend For Support”

Silva Breaks Leg on Weidman in Historical UFC Bout

Silva broken leg UFC 168 just concluded with overconfident bastard Anderson Silva breaking his leg after an attempted kick on Chris Weidman in their much-anticipated rematch.

Miesha Tate also made history by taking Ronda Rousey to the third round.

Sad day for Taterade drinkers, she still lost to a vicious armbar after squirming out of several dangerous ground situations like Houdini, but with braids and a shovelface.

Back to Silva… During the second round, Silva raised his leg in an attempt to thwack Weidman, which seemed like nothing until he fell on the ground screaming and a replay showed his leg completely bending away from his ankle.

It is unlikely that Silva will ever fight again, as the recovery rate on this kind of injury is zilch point one.

Continue reading “Silva Breaks Leg on Weidman in Historical UFC Bout”

Khloe Kardashian Finally Filed For Divorce

We all predicted a Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom divorce as soon as we all heard they got married after only dating for one month, but we were wrong. The marriage lasted a good four years and didn’t end because they merely got sick of each other like so many other boring celebrity romances.

This one is officially ending after Lamar fell back into the arms of his old love, crack cocaine. Not to mention him driving down the wrong side of the road drunk and recording shirtless rap songs about cheating on Khloe. And of course, these are all things that were made painfully public, giving Khloe a handful of legitimate reasons to GTFO.

His eyes have been more glazed than Krispy Kreme since the loss of his NBA career (specifically with the Lakers) and I’m sure his dark past (drug-addicted father, mother died when he was 12) didn’t help.

Continue reading “Khloe Kardashian Finally Filed For Divorce”