Jennifer Lawrence needs to shut up

Jennifer Lawrence crazyOn the heels of winning her Oscar for Best Actress, Jennifer Lawrence confessed to E! she was feeling a little blue (Mystique pun totally unintentional).

“I want to sit on my couch and drink and not change my pants for days at a time,” she told me on the Oscars red carpet. “Don’t ask me about my schedule because I’m sinking into a bit of depression.

What’s troubling her seems to be all the work she has lined up over the next few months. Heartbreaking, isn’t it?

Not only did she win the top honor an actor can hope to achieve (HA!), she has a steady stream of income for the near future. That’s more than most people who go to her movies can say.

Continue reading “Jennifer Lawrence needs to shut up”

I bet she gets killed at the end…

Rihanna Law and orderIn a story that’s only a couple years late (it happened in 2009), Law and Order: SVU is looking to capitalize on the Chris Brown’s Grammy night assault of then (and now current?) girlfriend Rihanna. Here’s the episode summary:

A promising singer is brutally attacked by her boyfriend, a popular hip hop star. ADA Barba (guest star Raul Esparza) works to build a case, but the victim refuses to aid the prosecution and, despite Detective Benson’s (Mariska Hargitay) best efforts, continues to put herself in danger. The case quickly spirals into a media circus, perpetrated by both the defendant and his uncompromising attorney (guest star Jeffrey Tambor).  Continue reading “I bet she gets killed at the end…”

Kanye West Poses Semi-Nude With Kim, Disses The President

Kim and Kanye naked Business duo Kardashian and West are leaving new mementos (Kim-friendly translation: Mentos) for their future daughter to turn red over.

Interesting that Jañye would agree to a naked embrace reminiscent of a bargain bin romance novel for the French magazine L’Officiel Hommes after supposedly having too much artistic integrity to appear on Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

At a concert in the UK over the weekend, Kanye crapped all over Obama (“I don’t give a f*ck what the president’s got to say”), the Grammys (“The Grammys can suck my d*ck”) and Justin Timberlake (“I ain’t f*ckin’ with that ‘Suit & Tie”).

…Again, a few to many insults from the guy who’s signed on for the long haul with the most shameless woman in Hollywood.

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [2-26-13]

Ang Lee burger Nothing like a delicious In-N-Out burger to satisfy your Ang Lee‘s post-Oscar hunger. (Inquisitr)

Gwyneth Paltrow pulled off Iron Man’s head and sold it on Ebay for $5.00. (ohmyGAHH!)

Spice Girl Mel B replacing Sharon Osbourne as America’s Got Talent judge. (E! Online)

Lindsay Lohan will lay with Charlie Sheen (again) for Anger Management money. (EW)

Networks eyeing Maya Rudolph for a variety show after Applegate departure. (Deadline)

Six-year-old, 14-pound girl with premature aging condition bullied on Facebook. (Radar)

According to Donald Trump, Django Unchained sucks and is the most racist thing ever. (HuffPo)

If Only Justin Bieber Loved Masks as Much as I Love Him in a Mask

Justin bieber mask Justin Bieber prepared for clinical warfare yesterday during a shopping trip in London. In an attempt to hide from the paparazzi, Justin wore a black gas mask and a Nets cap.

I’d like to start a petition to keep Justin masked. Not even a joke, I promise. This is for safety.

He’s constantly being hounded by girls who’ve never heard of ‘N Sync, and I’m constantly forced to look at him.

Two questions. Do the masks (the one on the right is from last year) muffle his voice? And does he think anyone actually believes that there’s some other scrawny, gold chain-wearing white boy being followed by cameras?

Continue reading “If Only Justin Bieber Loved Masks as Much as I Love Him in a Mask”

Funny Video: I Wanna Channing All Over Your Tatum

Jamie Foxx proved himself the biggest celebrity Channing Tatum fan on Sunday during Jimmy Kimmel’s after the Oscars special. The White House Down co-stars appeared on the show following the debut of the Movie: The Movie: 2V trailer starring everyone from Bruno Mars to Oprah.

“I went from being a slave to the president,” Foxx said of the time between Django and the new secret service action flick, adding, “I have not had that many women call me to try to be on a set in my life.”
Continue reading “Funny Video: I Wanna Channing All Over Your Tatum”

Desmond Bryant Enters Top Best Mugshot Lists

Desmond Bryant mugshotRaiders DT Desmond Bryant (not to be confused with Cowboys wide receiver Dez Bryant) rolled his drunken eyes and stuck out his tongue for a shirtless mugshot at Dade County’s correctional facility Sunday morning.

Bryant was reportedly arrested for causing an inebriated commotion at a neighbor’s home in Miami.

Deadspin has the photo(s) of the NFL star and is holding a photoshop contest. Currently in the unofficial running: him as a seal, him chopped into one of Beyonce’s unflattering Superbowl pics, and him in The Miracle Worker.

Desmond becomes an unrestricted free agent on March 12. It’s really too bad he can’t go play with fellow best/worst mugshot contender Todd Helton.  Continue reading “Desmond Bryant Enters Top Best Mugshot Lists”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [2-25-13]

Seth MacFarlane daniel radcliffe The Academy Awards were horrible this year because… Seth MacFarlane. (Grouchy Muffin)

Sandra Bullock’s face was also at the Oscars, doing stuff. (ohmyGAHH!)

Hair color changes for Britney Spears can only mean one thing… (Celebuzz)

Jennifer Lawrence says f*ck you to Emma Stone and the press. (ONTD!/Jezebel)

Vivid working on The Canyons porn parody starring James Deen and YOU. (TMZ)

Daniel Radcliffe wanted to carry gimpy Kristen Stewart to the stage. (Perez)

North Dakota high schoolers show appreciation for the Klan at a sporting event. (Examiner)

Quvenzhané Wallis is the Best Academy Award Nominee Ever [WINNERS LIST]

Quvenzhané Wallis flexingInstead of an Oscar, Quvenzhané Wallis won our hearts.

The 9-year-old Beasts of the Southern Wild actress clutched a puppy purse on the red carpet, telling Ryan Seacrest she chose her adorably adult Armani dress because it was “sparkly and fluffy.”

The two times clips of Beasts were thrown on the monitor during the ceremony, she flexed her tiny muscles like her character in the “I’m the man” scene of her film and smiled a broad and innocent smile more infectious than bird flu.

During a live Tweet of the Oscars, satirical publication The Onion decided it would be funny to call her the c-word. Because… shock value?

Continue reading “Quvenzhané Wallis is the Best Academy Award Nominee Ever [WINNERS LIST]”

Chris Brown ‘More Violent’ Than Oscar Pistorius!??

Chris Brown/Oscar PistoriusWoman-beater Chris Brown was deemed “more violent” than woman-murderer Oscar Pistorius in a recent poll by on TMZ.

A shocking 55% of readers came to this conclusion after being asked a variety of basic questions about Pistorius involving fairness in the trial and his temperament.

So assuming Pistorius, now out on bail, did intentionally shoot his girlfriend (85% think so), we’re saying domestic violence somehow trumps murder? Is it because it’s “easier” and somehow less brutal, at least in our minds, to shoot someone through a door? Would post-mortem photos of Reeva Steenkamp with a bashed-in skull change their minds?  Continue reading “Chris Brown ‘More Violent’ Than Oscar Pistorius!??”

Los Angeles Police Say it’s Safe to Drink a Liquified Dead Body

Cecil Hotel corpseRemember that movie about the family that moves into the apartment building, and as soon as they go to brush their teeth all these ghosts fly out of the faucet? And the ghosts are like “You should move.”

Then you learn that the dead body of a young girl was floating in the water tank the whole time? It was called Dark Water…

Well, police would like you to believe that drinking corpse water is completely safe.

Last week, workers at the Cecil Hotel in downtown Los Angeles discovered the body of a Canadian woman at the bottom of one of the building’s water tanks after guests complained to the front desk about poor water pressure. Continue reading “Los Angeles Police Say it’s Safe to Drink a Liquified Dead Body”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [2-24-13]

Tiger Woods Elin 2013 Elin Nordegren no longer wants to smash Tiger’s brains in with titanium golf clubs. (Us Weekly)

Benedict Cumberbatch voted “ugliest man” over Donald Trump and Roman Polanski. (ONTD!)

Quvenzhané Wallis ruthlessly steals roles from nemesis Willow Smith. (Huffington Post)

California police think MC Hammer can be touched, cuffed and unfairly profiled? (ABC)

Mischa Barton owes a bunch of doctors and nurses $95,000. Probably won’t pay. (Evil Beet)

Watch Erin Andrews not-so-slyly dodge a kiss from 50 Cent at the Daytona 500. (Deadspin)

Bates Motel on A&E explores Norman’s teenage psychology. Here’s a trailer ——-> (Screenrant)

Ethan Hawke Thinks The Oscars are ‘Destructive’ and Pointless

Ethan Hawke crazyEthan Hawke couldn’t care less that the 85th Annual Academy Awards are today.

During a sit-down with Zoe Kazan, the co-star of his off-broadway play Clive, Hawke expressed his hatred for the competitive aspect of the event.

“It’s so asinine … if you look at how many forgettable, stupid movies have won Oscars and how many mediocre performers have Oscars above their fireplace. Making a priority of chasing these fake carrots and money and dubious accolades, I think it’s really destructive,” He said.  Continue reading “Ethan Hawke Thinks The Oscars are ‘Destructive’ and Pointless”

Trailer: Game of Thrones Season 3

The Game of Thrones season 3 trailer delivers on the promise of flying dragons!

Relying heavily on the ambiance of the Florence-y MS MR track “Bones,” the one minute of footage shows one of Daenerys’ babies all grown up, plus the army and fleet of ships she has assembled in an effort to claim the Iron Throne from that other blonde, Joffrey.  Continue reading “Trailer: Game of Thrones Season 3”

Megan Fox Cast in Michael Bay-Produced ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’

Megan Fox AprilMichael Bay’s love for Megan Fox never dies.

Even after she said he had “no social skills at all,” called him a “tyrant” and compared him to both Hitler and Napoleon, he’s approved casting her in a new live action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie helmed by Wrath of the Titans director Jonathan Liebesman.

Bay raised a fleshy flag for Megan back when she was dancing under a waterfall for 5 seconds in Bad Boys II.

When it was reported that she’d been fired from Transformers because of her dictator tirade in Wonderland magazine, he claimed that it was not even his decision.

Continue reading “Megan Fox Cast in Michael Bay-Produced ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [2-23-13]

Michelle Obama single ladies
Michelle Obama shows Jimmy Fallon (and the world) her motherly dance moves. (Us Weekly)

White people using “nigga” makes Lena Dunham “supremely uncomfortable.” (Evil Beet)

Rihanna‘s Pacific Palisades neighbors rally against her, say she brings trouble. (Celebuzz)

Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are crossing their webbed toes for a daughter. (Radar)

Adam Brody‘s red-hooded romance with Leighton Meester revealed in new photo. (TMZ)

The UFC doesn’t know how to market women, turns Ronda Rousey into your brother. (Deadspin)

The Pope quit because he wasn’t invited to all the underground Vatican sauna orgies. (The Sun)

One Direction Ruin Blondie and The Undertones in One Fell Swoop

Harry Styles one way or anotherArizona is frozen, Australia is burning, it’s raining spiders in Brazil, there’s snow on the beaches of Croatia, a 10,000 ton meteor hit Russia and One Direction did a mash-up of “One Way Or Another” and “Teenage Kicks.”

Taylor Swift’s babyfaced ex singing not one but two iconic new wave songs written about 20 years before he was born has to be the most frightening sign of the coming apocalypse. (Though maybe he relates to that whole being stalked theme?)

I remember Glee and Angelica from The Rugrats ruining “One Way Or Another” on separate occasions. And dwarfy Billie Joe Armstrong didn’t have to squat too low for The Undertones’ classic… But this is a goddamn musical snuff double feature! Continue reading “One Direction Ruin Blondie and The Undertones in One Fell Swoop”