BREAKING: Amanda Bynes is Disgusting

Amanda Bynes nakedPhotos featured in In Touch Magazine show Amanda Bynes living in squalor, smoking resin on a mattress with no sheet like a born crackhead. Bynes says In Touch “bought fake altered photos” by the “ugly black man” standing behind her.

“That’s not my bed! Those aren’t my toes! My toes are pedicured!” she whined on Twitter.

Obviously Amanda is f*cking with us. She knows we know those are her nasty, unpedicured fungus toes. She’s playing a game that we should not indulge, but it’s really hard not to. She’s like Jigsaw.

—-> Reminds me of this video.<—-

In Touch’s sources (partygoers) describe the apartment that unquestionably belongs to her as “empty” with spray-painted windows. They also say that Amanda is mentally “all over the place.”  Continue reading “BREAKING: Amanda Bynes is Disgusting”

Michelle Williams And Jason Segel’s Loft Is Haunted

While Michelle Williams and her beau, Jason Segel, never confided in me personally, I can tell the spirits of many jilted lovers and murdered children live in their new apartment building.

You know what set my off-brand Ghost Hunter radar off? Their loft is located inside a “converted warehouse” in Brooklyn. Warehouse, tuberculosis ward, psychiatric hospital, orphanage, Haddonfield, it’s all the same.

The article that helped me realize this is titled “Michelle Williams exclusive: Oscar-nominated star and Jason Segal move in together – as she leaves the home she shared with tragic Heath Ledger.”

Continue reading “Michelle Williams And Jason Segel’s Loft Is Haunted”

Robert Pattinson Moved Out, All ‘Angry’ And ‘Heartbroken’

People magazine has confirmed that Robert Pattinson moved out, far away from the apartment he shared with Kristen Stewart. Actually, we don’t know if he officially moved out, but he did leave.

A “source” said “I’m not sure they’ll be able to recover from this,” and mentioned that Rob is “heartbroken and angry.”

Do we really need sources to tell us these things? WOW, I’m so surprised that Robert Pattinson is sad after his girlfriend cheated on him with a married man. He’s probably questioning forgiving her because he’d constantly be wondering if his ball hairs were grey enough for her.

Continue reading “Robert Pattinson Moved Out, All ‘Angry’ And ‘Heartbroken’”

Elizabeth Olsen Lives In A Closet

In case you were still on the fence about Elizabeth Olsen being some ethereal, talented actress with Maggie Gyllenhaal-like plates for eyes that is in no way like her sisters, Mary-Kate and Ashley, I assure you, it’s all true.

During a visit to the Jay Leno’s Tonight Show she casually mentioned baking her own cake and going pan-shopping at Williams Sonoma for her 23rd birthday.

Other hints that she may be very down to earth (P.S. Lana Del Rey is too, dumbasses) are as follows:

1. She talks openly about moving often at a young age because of “water damage and mold issues” and “really bad luck.”
Continue reading “Elizabeth Olsen Lives In A Closet”