Shotgun Wedding for Mila and Ashton?

Mila kunis pregnant clippers gameRecently engaged Mila Kunis will not be able to enjoy all the free bottles of bourbon that her latest gig as the face of Jim Beam will earn her, if she is actually pregnant, as E! is reporting.

Maybe Ashton can hand them out to Bruce Willis and Laura Prepon in the hospital waiting room? Or the expecting father could use them to numb the trauma of watching his boo push an enormous him-sized baby out her tiny Ukrainian vajay.

Kunis is pregnant with the couple’s first child, a source confirms exclusively to E! News just weeks after being first to report that the former That ’70s Show co-stars were planning to tie the knot.

The Ted star was even recently spotted attending a prenatal yoga class in Hollywood. 

Continue reading “Shotgun Wedding for Mila and Ashton?”

Tiny Brunette Actress Mila Kunis to Wed Large Brunette Actor Ashton Kutcher

Mila Kunis ringKelso and Jackie from That ’70s Show are engaged according to E! News.

In terms of co-star romances, the pairing of Mila Kunis (soooo good in Black Swan) and Kutcher (sooo okay in movies with the word “effect” and “effects” in the title) isn’t quite as exciting as that of Blair Waldorf and Seth Cohen because The O.C. is a much better show, but let’s review the inane facts anyway…

Significantly taller and less talented Ashton – former flame of Demi Moore – and Mila Kunis, former flame of Macaulay Culkin (you wanted to forget, didn’t you?) – have been dating for two years and the only reason E! thinks they’re engaged is because Kunis was seen wandering around L.A. with “a significant-sized rock on her most significant finger.” A source for Perez Hilton has the deets:

“It won’t be a long engagement. He wants to marry her soon and start their life together. He was planning this all along.”  Continue reading “Tiny Brunette Actress Mila Kunis to Wed Large Brunette Actor Ashton Kutcher”

Trailer: Jobs

In Jobs, in theaters August 16, 2013, we see Ashton Kutcher transformed as Steve Jobs in the early days, before the success of Apple Inc. and invention of the iPod, iPhone and iPad and his struggle with cancer.

As the movie progresses, he looks and sounds exactly like Ashton Kutcher with glasses on.
Steve Jobs Ashton Kutcher jobs gif movieashton kutcher steve jobs gif jobs movie
The film also stars Josh Gad as co-founder Steve Wozniak, Dermot Mulroney as investor and eventual CEO Mike Markkula, and James Woods as Reed College dean Jack Dudman.  Continue reading “Trailer: Jobs”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [10-28-12]

Ashton Kutcher scratches his arm while Mila Kunis noms ice cream bars. (Celebuzz)

There’s a giant fish-catching Gollum statue at Wellington, New Zealand airport. (The Mary Sue)

Enrique Iglesias flaunts torso for “Finally Found You” video. (ONTD!)

7.7 magnitude earthquake hits British Columbia coast. (Los Angeles Times)

Usher‘s new Goldendoodle puppy only cost $12,000. (Us Weekly)

MS Klu Klux Klan Grand Wizard gave his daughter her first KKK robe at age eight. (Radar)

Lucky magazine apologizes for changing Britney Spears’ hairline. (Evil Beet)

Johnny Rzeznik, Ne-Yo, and Natasha Bedingfield sing for Obama‘s “forward” campaign. (ohmyGAHH!)

Miley Cyrus and Ashton Kutcher in Bed Together Because Gross

Just to rub it in to ex-wife Demi Moore, 49, the writers of Two and a Half Men put Miley Cyrus, 19, in bed with Ashton Kutcher.

This is a screen shot from the upcoming scene of Two and Half Dudes airing October 17th, where Cyrus stars as Missi who strikes up a friendship with Kutcher and gets in a romantic thing with Jake.

Cryer took home the Emmy award for Best Actor the other night, which is more like a thank you card from the producers for putting up with Charlie Sheen’s whore-banging melt down, Miley Cyrus existing, and Ashton Kutcher’s pan-generational penis.  Continue reading “Miley Cyrus and Ashton Kutcher in Bed Together Because Gross”

Mila Kunis For Elle UK, August 2012

Mila Kunis, fresh off her box-office talking-teddybear win of $54.1 million, appears on Elle UK’s August cover in Dior. She’s making that face, you know the one. It’s like, ‘Are you looking at me? If you are, that’s okay but if you move I’ll scratch your skin off with a rusty rake.’

People claim she’s talking about her relationship with Ashton Kutcher in the interview when she says it would be impossible to date anyone.

“I’m trying to be like a normal girl and a single girl but the concept of being single in my position isn’t workable. I couldn’t go on a date if I wanted to!”

“Is a guy going to come up to me and ask if he can take me out on a date? Where can I go and have this date? I can’t go anywhere.”

Continue reading “Mila Kunis For Elle UK, August 2012”

Mila Kunis And Ashton Kutcher Are Friends With Benefits Attached

Remember how Ashton Kutcher was in No Strings Attached with Natalie Portman and Black Swan’s Mila Kunis was in Friend With Benefits at the same time?

The movies were about the same thing, except one was actually good (Friends With Benefits, with Kutcher’s fake nemesis Justin Timberlake).

Well, according to Us Weekly, which I trust less than Mel Gibson’s sobriety, Kutcher and Kunis (eww, Kuntcher) are reenacting a combined sequel to those two movies.

A “source” said, “They’re not exclusive, but they are hanging out and seeing where it’s going.” 

Another completely useless person/source mentioned that “they’ve been hot for each other for years,” ever since That 70’s Show.

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Drake’s ‘Oh S**t, There’s An Earthquake!’ Face

Ashton Kutcher returned as a host for a special episode of Punk’d that aired before the MTV Movie Awards on Sunday to play pranks on Drake and Kim Kardashian.

In all his manic bravado, he brought up one important point, this redesigned season of the show has kind of sucked in that three of the victims (Rob Dyrdek, Joe Jonas, and Aimee Teegarden) figured out they were getting Punk’d.

Kutcher said, “What’s happened thus far has been a fuckin’ travesty.”

“I think it’s time to step it up a notch. We’ve been running at like a seven thus far, and I think it’s time to take it to like a 14.”  Continue reading “Drake’s ‘Oh S**t, There’s An Earthquake!’ Face”

Popchips Paints Ashton Kutcher’s Face Brown

Ashton Kutcher will market and/or star in almost anything – Twitter, Two and a Half Men, Foursquare, Nikon COOLPIX, Valentine’s Day, Popchips, Skype, the list is endless. Sometimes, he even makes bad decisions. Joe Paterno comments? Backstabbing Demi?

His latest, an online and outdoor campaign for Popchips, is not being received well for its use of “brownface.” Kutcher plays four characters. An Indian movie producer, a spoof of Karl Lagerfeld called “Darl,” a stoner, and a biker.

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Ashton Kutcher As Steve Jobs? I Guess.

I’ve seen Ashton Kutcher in exactly one movie where his acting could be considered above-average and dramatic and it wasn’t The Butterfly Effect, it was the 2009 drama Personal Effects. Obviously, I have mixed feelings about Kutcher starring in Jobs.

It seems like Tom Cruise would have been a better choice but perhaps that’s where Sony will take their separate version of the mogul’s life, based on the biography. Kutcher, a former biochemical engineering student UI, can be credited for the success of Twitter and has invested money in Skype and Foursquare. Continue reading “Ashton Kutcher As Steve Jobs? I Guess.”

Ashton Kutcher’s New Ladyfriend

Ashton Kutcher has been spending a lot of time with former Adam Brody flame, Nick & Norah screenwriter Lorene Scafaria. On Sunday the pair went to the L.A. gaming center Ultrazone to play laser tag. Apparently, the dream of the 90s is also alive in Cali.

They also reportedly attended Madonna’s Oscar party a week earlier.

Check out the face paint. Is this rebellion against Demi? like he’s regressing in age now that he’s no longer dating a 49 year-old woman.

At LEAST Scafaria is only a year younger than him. I’d hate to see Ashton steal Selena Gomez right out from under Justin Bieber’s baby chin.

Charlie Sheen Finally Hits The Ashton Kutcher Dislike Button

The MaSheen called TMZ on Thursday and either said how he really feels about Ashton Kutcher on Two And A Half Men or what he knows to say because he’s in an attention-seeking crackpipe mood.

He says he’s “tired of lying.” His exact words “I’m tired of pretending Ashton doesn’t suck.” He also says he’s sick of acting like the show itself doesn’t suck.

My question is why didn’t he realize that in 2003 when Two Forgotten 80s Stars And A Fat Troublemaker Started? Come on Charlie, you know it was never worth anything but those outstanding sound mixing and multi-camera picture editing Emmys it repeatedly won. Continue reading “Charlie Sheen Finally Hits The Ashton Kutcher Dislike Button”

Appearance Changes For Katy Perry And Ashton Kutcher

Ashton and Katy both just got out of relationships, one noticeably longer than the other yet equally high-profile. Like all shamed and tired recently-made single people, they’re both going for something new. Ashton Kutcher cut his hair and shaved his beard/sideburns and Katy Perry dyed her blue.

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Demi Moore Is Filing For Divorce

That thing that you thought was going to happen five years ago, it happened today. Thursday afternoon Demi Moore broke the news to Associated Press that she was indeed ending her marriage to Ashton Kutcher, after six years.

The two began dating in 2003, and even poked fun at their own very noticeable 15-year age gap. In recent months the focus on their relationship had little to do with Demi cradle-robber jokes, and everything to do with Ashton’s infidelity with 22 year-old Sara Leal.

A photos of Leal and Ashton together surfaced, Leal described their dalliance in grimy detail, Demi Moore began losing weight from her already stickly figure THEN four days ago, a moving truck was spotted outside Ashton and Demi’s mansion in Santa Monica.

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Ashton Kutcher Was The Albino From ‘Powder’ In High School

Snakkle.com posted vintage photos of the Two And A Half Men cast yesterday and one stood out tremendously from the mostly ordinary pictures of Jon Cryer as Ducky and the like…

A bald, pale and apparently screeching Ashton Kutcher, from his high school days at Clear Creek-Amana in Iowa.

I don’t know if he was on the swim team or what, but he’s bald and terrifying and looks EXACTLY like the albino from Powder.

Continue reading “Ashton Kutcher Was The Albino From ‘Powder’ In High School”

Judy Greer Joins ‘Two And A Half Men’ Cast

Why does anyone bother going on Two And A Half Men? It’s not even a real show. I get that it pays well, really really well, but going on the show is like admitting your career is about to be over.

Or maybe it’s being revitalized, in this one moment for one show and nothing else, ever again! Look at Charlie Sheen, he’s about as likely to have another movie career as Lindsay Lohan is. Less, even.

Judy Greer, on the other hand is a respected comedic character actress. She’s been in everything. Jawbreaker, What Women Want, Californication, the wonky-eyed lady on Arrested Development, The Village. EVERYTHING.

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