Donald Sterling Fined Millions, Banned From All Things NBA for Life Over Racist Remarks

Donald Sterling fatI’m sure Donald Sterling regrets not sitting up in his executive suite waving his liver-spotted fingers and wishing whips were allowed through security at Staples Center every time a Clipper player missed a free throw.

After all, no one’s ever gotten a $2.5 million dollar fine or lifetime ban from the NBA for racist thoughts, but that is the exact punishment doled out to him by Commissioner Adam Silver for voicing his backwards opinions on minorities.

I’m not exactly defending the old fart, because someone like him really should not have any say in what goes on with a group of African-American men, but his thoughts aren’t even remotely unusual for a white man born in 1933. Black men being able to vote, let alone date white women without getting flogged and thrown in a tree, is a revelation to him.

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L.A. Shoppers Deprived of Plastic Bags, Riot Silently

Almost as sad as Mean Girls now being 10 years old (take some time to process that), a few random laws are effective immediately with the coming of the New Year. Laws such as the recreational use of sticky icky in Colorado (not so sad), and the ban of plastic bags in Los Angeles.

Like every wasteful, gluttony-rooted American, I don’t appreciate being forced to respect the environment.

This country relies on grease, plastic and fossil fuel like France relies on cigarettes, wine-soaked armpit hair and cheese, and on this night and every other I will light a candle for the great loss my Southern Californian friends have suffered. Rest in peace, ye olde plastic bag, with your fragile body so prone to tears.

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Obama Proposes Civilian Assault Weapon Ban and Background Checks For All Firearm Buyers

Obama gun conferenceAfter over a month of depressing post-Sandy Hook gun “solutions” from the NRA, one Piers Morgan deportation petition and a million opinions from every political and non-political corner of the earth, Obama has finally set a plan in motion to combat rampant gun-related homicides in America.

During a press conference on Wednesday morning, Obama proposed legislation that would require criminal background checks for all gun sales and ban assault rifles and armor-piercing bullets to anyone but law enforcement and military officials.

“[Gun violence] has terrible consequence for our society … and if we can only do one thing to stop it, we should all try and do that,” he told a crowd of reporters at the televised event.  Continue reading “Obama Proposes Civilian Assault Weapon Ban and Background Checks For All Firearm Buyers”

Guy Named ‘Scott Wiener’ Proposes Public Nudity Ban in San Francisco

I’m flabbergasted by the local non-fixation on flapping foreskin and lady bumps in San Francisco, and even more surprised that a law that would require nudists to cover their buttholes and genitals in public areas might not pass because certain folks think it’s sucking the character out of their beloved naked city.

We have a thing in my state called the Oregon Country Fair that I was dragged to in 8th grade. Needless to say, the hippies are abundant. Translation: the effects of age on the fully exposed human body were quite visible to my young, horrified eyes.

It’s just not something you can’t look at.

Thankfully, nudists have no shame and don’t give a crap if you stare.  Continue reading “Guy Named ‘Scott Wiener’ Proposes Public Nudity Ban in San Francisco”

NO Shark Fin SOUP FOR YOU, California

Shark fin soup, which can cost up to $100 a bowl, will no longer be available in the state of California because governor Jerry Brown has signed a bill banning its main ingredient.

Some residents are outraged, while others applaud the new law. The fins sell for more than $2,000 a pound and are sometimes used in meals to celebrate Chinese birthdays, parties and weddings…

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