Batman Looks Like Iron Man In New Trailer

There’s a scene in the new Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice trailer where Ben Affleck’s Batman looks suspiciously like he’s wearing a black version of Iron Man’s suit.

Affleck has also chosen to use the classic deep, loud and over-the-top voice we’d grown to hate in Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight movies.
Batman iron man
While we still don’t know exactly why Batman and Superman are fighting (other than to make Warner Bros. a sh*tload of money at the box office), the Superman statue with “False God” painted on the chest plate might be a clue.

Rob Kardashian Not Invited to Kim’s Wedding?

Rob Kardashian airport missed weddingThe least important Kardashian was not present at his sister’s elegant Italian wedding due to reported “major family drama” just a few hours prior.

If I had to guess, I’d say Rob couldn’t afford to buy the two seats on the plane for himself, or that he just barely missed the doctor-approved second trimester of pregnancy… but fat shaming isn’t cool even when it’s a man, right guys?

We always remember that people of privilege have infinite access to personal trainers, but forget that they also have unlimited access to Pringles.

Also not able to make the wedding, Jay-Z, Beyoncé and fellow lesser-valued stock member of the Kardashian/Jenner Klan and Matthew Fox lookalike Brody Jenner.  Continue reading “Rob Kardashian Not Invited to Kim’s Wedding?”

Ben Affleck’s Sad Batman Needs a Lollipop and a Handful of Paxil

Ben Affleck first batman imageHoly black and white gimp suit! It’s Ben Affleck’s unmistakable chin cleft protruding out of a mask in the first official photo from Batman vs. Superman…

I’m not 100% sure what these two famous superheroes are fighting over besides money at the box office, but Bruce Wayne is sort of the Samantha Jones of Gotham, so I figure he’s speeding into Metropolis to throw Amy Adams in his trunk because she has a thing for guys who play Batman.

Yeah the logo on the chest is larger and looks more like the inkblot from Batman Forever, the ribbing on the stomach is completely different from Christian Bale’s caped crusader and the seams (some thought them to be veins) are also super pronounced, but I’d rather make fun of how emo and not-stoked-at-all about the Batmobile he looks.

This is not the face of Batman, this is the face of a teenage girl on My Super Sweet 16 whose parents got her a Kia.

Zack Snyder to Direct ‘Justice League’ Film in 2017

Justice League Cyborg Aquaman Green Lantern Flash
Things we know about the new Justice League movie… Nothing, besides THAT IT’S HAPPENING.

In a desperate and obvious attempt to keep up with Marvel, Warner Bros. has confirmed that Zack Snyder will unite Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman and Cyborg in 2017 for D.C.’s version of The Avengers.

As Warner’s new slave, Snyder will attempt to churn out hit after hit while being whipped with film strips from Sucker Punch by former Batman actors (really just Val Kilmer) yelling “NEVER AGAIN!”  Continue reading “Zack Snyder to Direct ‘Justice League’ Film in 2017”

Your New Wonder Woman Is…

Gal Gadot Wonder WomanThe sequel to Man of Steel is now a Superman, Batman AND Wonder Woman movie. Zack Snyder announced the news today that Israeli actress Gal Gadot would be playing the beloved female DC superhero in his next film.

Gadot, a former model turned movie star thanks to the rebooted Fast & Furious, may be the sole female star of the upcoming Justice League film as well. (Unless they decide to incorporate lesser knowns like Hawkgirl, Black Canary or Zatanna.)

Our new Diana Prince (WW’s alter ego, for those of you unfamiliar) was famously portrayed by Lynda Carter on TV from 1975 to 1979. Today’s role was thought to be handed to Megan Fox a handful of years ago, and Adrianne Palicki (Friday Night Lights) was more recently cast in a failed NBC pilot.

Wonder Woman’s abilities include super fast and agile butt-kicking. And she has an invisible jet that I’m sure Snyder will turn into a super cloakey stealth plane to appeal to today’s audience.  Continue reading “Your New Wonder Woman Is…”

Ben Affleck Is The New Batman … How Does That Make You Feel?

Affleck Duck batman Zack Snyder impressed me with Man of Steel even though I was slightly disturbed that Superman put his poor mother through the ringer destroying her house, basically killing her husband and his adopted father by respecting his stupid prideful wish to die in a tornado and then barely offered her a hug as consolation before he flew away.

Fortunately, Batman is going to save the day in the sequel, teaming up with Superman as superbros for DC life because they have to at least try to compete with Marvel. And who knows, maybe Joseph Gordon-Levitt will show up as Robin ala World’s Finest Comics?

The role of Batman, best played by Michael Keaton and I guess Christian Bale, has been officially scooped up by Ben Affleck. This is all dandy with me because he at least has dark hair and a cleft chin and probably won’t talk in that horrible voice that Bale also used in Terminator.  Continue reading “Ben Affleck Is The New Batman … How Does That Make You Feel?”

Chris “fuckyopictures” Brown and Friends Dress as Terrorists

Because people didn’t hate him enough already, Chris Brown decided to dress up like a terrorist for Halloween, posting this picture on his Instagram account, “fuckyopictures.”

He’s the one in the middle, with the gun. The caption: “Ain’t nobody Fucking wit my clique!!!!#ohb.

Continue reading “Chris “fuckyopictures” Brown and Friends Dress as Terrorists”

Seinfeld’s Nemesis is New York’s Reckoning

Credit for this photo goes to the people at Vulture.com and their article “See How A Bane Mask Makes Any Villain Look Scarier.” Turns out, the Dark Knight’s #1 enemy in 2012 is The Dark Wayne Knight aka Newman on Seinfeld.

Other mask memes include Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears PradaDownton Abbey’s maid O’Brien, and the dreaded Hamburglar.

When I saw Batman I felt like Tom Hardy was competing with Christian Bale for weirdest vocal alteration. Hardy kind of sounded like a leprechaun with really low-hanging balls and Bale was just hobbling around in a hole for most of the movie.  Continue reading “Seinfeld’s Nemesis is New York’s Reckoning”

There Are People Who Think The Batman Shooting Was Staged By The Government

I have now written four articles relating to the Colorado shooting at a midnight showing of The Dark Knight Rises. It’s a sad and memorable story and perhaps more frightening to some because it is so easy to relate to.

We all go to the movies, and in terms of popularity, Batman is as much of a craze as Twilight or Harry Potter and has a longer history in film, TV, and comic book form.  Continue reading “There Are People Who Think The Batman Shooting Was Staged By The Government”

Christopher Nolan Talks Colorado Shooting

Christopher Nolan released a statement through his publicist in L.A. (he’s a dual citizen of the UK and U.S.) addressing the shooting in Colorado that happened during a showing of his movie, The Dark Knight Rises. The gunman, who reportedly referred to himself as “The Joker” to the police after his arrest, opened fire on a theater that was a mere 21 miles from Columbine high school. Nolan wrote:

“Speaking on behalf of the cast and crew of ‘The Dark Knight Rises,’ I would like to express our profound sorrow at the senseless tragedy that has befallen the entire Aurora community. I would not presume to know anything about the victims of the shooting but that they were there last night to watch a movie.  Continue reading “Christopher Nolan Talks Colorado Shooting”

Rush Limbaugh Musings: ‘The Dark Knight Lights Up’ Is One Of Dem Conspiracy Thingys!

Rush Limbaugh offered up his opinion on The Dark Knight Rises during his thought-provoking radio show Tuesday morning.

Apparently the movie, which he refers to as “The Dark Knight Lights Up,” is an intricate conspiracy to make Mitt Romney look bad worse.

“Have you heard this new movie, the Batman movie, what is it, The Dark Knight Lights Up or whatever the name is. That’s right, Dark Knight Rises. Lights Up, same thing. Do you know the name of the villain in this movie? Bane. The villain in The Dark Knight Rises is named Bane, B-a-n-e.”

What is the name of the venture capital firm that Romney ran and around which there’s now this make-believe controversy? Bain.”  Continue reading “Rush Limbaugh Musings: ‘The Dark Knight Lights Up’ Is One Of Dem Conspiracy Thingys!”

The Best Cosplay At Comic-Con 2012

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 Comic-Con San Diego goes from July 12 to 15, 2012 and as usual, it’s full of celebrities and cosplayers. One is the lowest form of escapism, one the highest. You guess.

Here we see a ton of Batman, Captain America, Thor and Star Wars costumes plus transgendered Princess Peach and more. Can’t beat that.  Continue reading “The Best Cosplay At Comic-Con 2012”

Can ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ Win Best Picture?

Christopher Nolan’s highly anticipated conclusion to Batman Begins and The Dark Knight was screened for critics on July 6. Not only did it received a standing ovation, one reviewer Tweeted words he’d heard after that have already substantially added to the hype.

A prediction that The Dark Knight Rises would not only be nominated for an Academy Award, but that it should win, “If this does not break the mold and win Best Picture, no comic book movie ever will #TDKR.”

Tom McAuliffe wrote that it was a “9 out of 10” for him and elaborated his praise, saying it was better than The Dark Knight, which received four stars from Roger Ebert (he famous for giving everything three) and won Heath Ledger a posthumous best actor Oscar.  Continue reading “Can ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ Win Best Picture?”

Justin Bieber Still Thinks He’s Batman

Not only did Justin Bieber boast that he could easily kick the asses of all five members of One Direction (“One-on-one I’d take them. I’d try a spin-kick. To the face.”) but he was given a speeding ticket.

The man who ratted on him, an L.A. City Councilman who happened to be out on the freeway when Justin flew past him at over 100 miles per hour, says he should have been arrested for recklessness.

“If I was on patrol, I would have arrested him for reckless driving,” Dennis Zine told TMZ. 

“I was going 60 and he drove by me like he was in a rocket ship. He was a maniac.” 

Continue reading “Justin Bieber Still Thinks He’s Batman”

Funny Video: “Batman’s Night Out”

Watch what happens when “Batman” uses his scary Christian Bale voice to frighten urban Canadians in various locations. Rebecca Black’s “Friday” has never been put to better use, well, except in Death Metal Friday.

It was brilliantly pointed out on Attack Of The Show that this Batman’s parents would never have died because of the grade A health care up there.  Continue reading “Funny Video: “Batman’s Night Out””

Trailer: ‘The Dark Knight Rises’

 “You think this can last. There’s a storm coming, Mr. Wayne. You and your friends better batten down the hatches, cause when it hits, you’re all gonna wonder how you ever thought you could live so large and leave so little for the rest of us.”

…This is Anne Hathaway’s warning to Batman in the new Dark Knight Rises trailer, and oh how chilling it sounds during a montage of Bane about to kill…a bunch of Football players? God I wish it was the Broncos game. TEBOW VS. BANE!

New ‘Amazing Spider-Man’ And ‘Dark Knight Rises’ Posters

Movie posters for The Amazing Spider-Man graced the interwebnet several days ago, with a Bane-centric one for The Dark Knight Rises appearing just a day later, probably a hype response pissing contest of some kind.

I’m gonna have to say that the Spider-Man poster is a little more enticing/graphically interesting. Like everyone else, I’m still more excited about Batman. Christopher Nolan’s third and final film in the franchise can’t disappoint.

Continue reading “New ‘Amazing Spider-Man’ And ‘Dark Knight Rises’ Posters”