WATCH: ‘The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug’ Extended Trailer

My description of the new Hobbit trailer is worse than my retelling of events in Syria (“bad guys” and “boom” over and over), but Dwarves are like, DIS MINE and then the dragon is like NOPE and Bilbo puts on the ring and Gandalf rolls his eyes in disapproval because he’s tired of always being right.

Expect lots of sexy beards, Smaug and a bunch of characters that were never actually in the book doing things that they would never do even if they had been.

(Benedict Cumberbatch telling Bilbo to step into the light is admittedly splooge-worthy.)

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [12-16-12]

Bilbo nakedThe Hobbit: An Unexpected Video Game Journey breaks three-day opening records. (Celebuzz)

Sean Penn calls Robin Wright and Madonna’s love fraudulent. (ohmyGAHH!)

Does anyone remember the Ali and Lindsay Lohan Christmas song from 2006? (Evil Beet)

Kelly Clarkson‘s ring from “greatest man ever” Brandon Blackstock is big and yellow. (ONTD!)

The first celebrity to complain about the Nirvana reunion is… (Spinner)

Shenae Grimes (who will always be Darcy Edwards to me) is also engaged. (E! Online)

Everyone’s favorite everything Jennifer Lawrence hosting SNL Jan. 19. (Entertainment Weekly)

LEGO Bilbo, Gandalf And Gollum In The LEGO Shire!

Finally, good news for Lord Of The Rings…

A 16-year-old German boy constructed this highly detailed version of The Shire, a masterful brick-by-brick visualization of the beginning of J.R.R Tolkien’s 1954 classic, The Fellowship of the Ring, when Gandalf arrives in Hobbiton for Bilbo’s 111th birthday party.

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