Filthy Animal Justin Bieber Pees Wherever He Damn Well Pleases

justin bieber peeing in a bucketIf you didn’t already hate Justin Bieber then I guess nothing – not even a video of him peeing in a bucket inside a restaurant while his entourage laughs like they just saw Chris Rock at the Apollo – will change your mind.

Besides whizzing down the street and giving his neighbors all kinds of palpitations and high blood pressure, the Biebs apparently loves to whizz where’s he’s not supposed to.

On top of that, he disses Bill Clinton – pretty much the coolest president ever – for no apparent reason. On his way out of the “bathroom” (bucket), Justin sprays a picture of Bill with cleaning solution and says “f*ck Bill Clinton!”

JB’s just jealous because Bubba has more swag and intelligence than some Vanilla Ice wannabe with a 2-inch maple wiener.  Continue reading “Filthy Animal Justin Bieber Pees Wherever He Damn Well Pleases”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [1-22-13]

Kelly Clarkson Bill ClintonBill Clinton is very happy about seeing Kelly Clarkson’s backside at the inauguration. (Examiner)

Then Michelle Obama was NOT happy about eating near John Boehner. (NY Daily News)

Sheryl Crow totally knew about Lance Armstrong’s doping problem. (Celebuzz

300 more Blockbusters closing? Where will I rent my obsolete movies now?? (Yahoo!)

Benadryl Wafflesticks = best nickname ever for Benedict Cumberbatch. (ONTD)

Ladies, here’s what your gay man friends think about your blossoming lotus. (ohmyGAHH!)

Damn it, Beyonce! You tricked me and everyone else with your prerecorded bullsh*it! (L.A. Times)

 

Happy Halloween! Here’s Miley as Nicki Minaj, Ellen as Sofia Vergara and me as Bill Clinton

Miley Cyrus as Nicki Minaj? Worst Halloween present ever, right? It’s not my fault. I know what today is really about, and so do you.

It’s about Diabetes, whores wearing angel wings, pumpkin seeds, parties where the sluttiest angel wing-wearing whore is awarded a cash prize, horror movies, and celebrities dressed like other celebrities. That’s it, right?

As a child I enjoyed squirting fake ink at strangers and dipping my bacteria-ridden hands into plastic pumpkins full of miniature Kit Kats held out by neighbors who wished they could get their $10 spent on chocolate back for a cheap bottle of whiskey.

Continue reading “Happy Halloween! Here’s Miley as Nicki Minaj, Ellen as Sofia Vergara and me as Bill Clinton”

I Don’t Take Comfort In Change, That’s Why I’m Happy That Bill Clinton Is Still A Pimp

Porn star Brooklyn Lee (Mission Asspossible, Nacho Vidal The Sexual Messiah) posted this picture of her, Tasha Reign (Farm Girls Gone Bad), a third unidentifiable woman of the night YouPorn, and Bill Clinton on Twitter.

They were at a French gala benefitting both the Prince Albert II of Monaco and William J. Clinton foundations on Wednesday.

It’s good to see him doing his thing. Surrounded by women who get paid to make parodies of The Avengers, Revenge Of The Nerds, and Spiderman. (Yeah, you missed auditions, the Avengers porn parody is done)

Nearly two decades since the Lewinsky scandal, still married to Hillary, and surrounded by implanted ladies who, no matter how they try, can’t quite seem to wash the lube off their hands. No worries though. The women aren’t quite chubby enough to be Bill’s type…  Continue reading “I Don’t Take Comfort In Change, That’s Why I’m Happy That Bill Clinton Is Still A Pimp”

Lady Gaga Dazzles Bill Clinton, Usher Shows Some Leg

To celebrate the 10th anniversary of The Clinton Foundation (“A Decade of Difference”) and Bill’s own 65th birthday, Lady Gaga performed You and I, Edge Of GloryBad Romance (dubbed “Bill Romance”) Born This Way and Government Hooker, in L.A…

Continue reading “Lady Gaga Dazzles Bill Clinton, Usher Shows Some Leg”