Bella Makes Her Final Kristen Stewart Face – ‘Breaking Dawn Part 2’ is Over

On Sunday I dragged my withered tuckus to a matinée of Breaking Dawn – Part 2.

I saw the past three movies in the theater (New Moon made Eclipse look like it was based on a Pulitzer finalist) and therefore felt obligated to see the final installment.

Yes I like the series, no I don’t like admitting it.

I stopped reading the books after Jacob made Bella’s baby his future wife using only his eyes. It was very monarchical, and maybe the last misguided-stab-at-romance straw. But that’s what Twilight is, right?  Continue reading “Bella Makes Her Final Kristen Stewart Face – ‘Breaking Dawn Part 2’ is Over”

Missouri Mom Foils Son’s Plan To Shoot Up Twilight Theater

There’s nothing stronger than a mother’s love, besides a mother’s obligation to save hoards of innocent youths from her homicidal son.

A 20-year-old man in Bolivar, Missouri was arrested after his mom learned he had bought two assault rifles and was planning a similar attack to the one in Aurora (on a Breaking Dawn Part 2 crowd) and called the police.

Maniac-in-question Blaec Lammers was sitting around at Sonic when the fuzz approached him for questioning.

Besides the obvious tragedy preventing reasons, this lady is a hero because I can’t even begin to imagine the amount of people that would have made “Twihards deserve to die” jokes and because the average age of that audience is about 16.  Continue reading “Missouri Mom Foils Son’s Plan To Shoot Up Twilight Theater”

Kristen Stewart And Robert Pattinson Still Have To Promote The Hell Out Of ‘Breaking Dawn: Part 2’

Catwoman told Bruce Wayne that “there’s a storm coming” and that seems to fit with this whole Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart debacle.

This time, there’s another storm coming. Besides the original cheating scandal photos and the public apology and Robert Pattinson moving out and saying he wants to have a chat with Rupert Sanders…

I’m talking about the final promotional tour for the Twilight franchise. These two have to co-present at the 2012 VMAs, and go to various premieres in L.A., New York and London not to mention photo shoots and other random events.

Breaking Dawn: Part 2 is in theaters November 16 but the appearances begin with the MTV Video Music Awards on September 6.  Continue reading “Kristen Stewart And Robert Pattinson Still Have To Promote The Hell Out Of ‘Breaking Dawn: Part 2’”

Trailer: Breaking Dawn – Part 2

The one thing that both Twilight fans and haters can rejoice over – the final chapter, Breaking Dawn Part 2! Like The Matrix Revolutions and Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows before it (and The Hunger Games: Mockingjay), the last in a series is usually the most action-heavy.

There’s usually some kind of war and a conclusion to a drawn-out conflict. In this case it’s Bella and Edward’s baby causing problems with the ancient Italian vampire council, The VolturiContinue reading “Trailer: Breaking Dawn – Part 2”

Kristen Stewart Needs A Few More Eye Drops

Why do I keep watching the Twilight movies? Am I driven by some cursed voice in my uterus? I don’t know if this is the sad or good part – but I don’t even see them for the Lautner abs or smoldering Pattinson glares, I actually go for the story!

Posters for Breaking Dawn Part 2 just came out and obviously Bella is about to become a vampire, or Kristen got stoned before the shoot and forgot the Visine. I’m guessing it’s the vampire thing.

As a secret fan you’d think I’d have read all of the final installment but I couldn’t find a proper audio book copy. D’oh! Now I’ve revealed that I listen to the audio books, watch the movies for the “story” and don’t care about the abs.

I’m going to non-hipster hell. What would that be? I suppose it’s full of Bieber fans holding Care Bear blankets. I’ll fit in.

No Surprise Here, Breaking Dawn Broke Box Office Records

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 propelled to the third-highest opening day of all time just behind Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 2 and the second installment of Twilight, New Moon.

No surprises, whatsoever. Oddly, none of the Twilight films rank very high on the list of all-time highest grossing movies of all time, not like Avatar or The Dark Knight. Guess the Twi-hard momentum isn’t as strong as Jacob’s stomach or whatever.

I still wonder what movie of 2012 will make the most moolah? The Hunger Games? The Dark Knight Rises? The Avengers? Then there’s Prometheus, Snow White And The Huntsman, Men In Black III, American Reunion and Breaking Dawn Part II. Could be close.

‘Breaking Dawn’ Was Almost Rated R

Kristen Stewart posed for UK Glamour’s December issue and previously U.S. Glamour November, where she was amputated by people who must’ve failed their Adobe Photoshop-specific graphic design classes.

She told the British mag that Breaking Dawn was almost given an R rating for its steamy Pattinsquatch sex scene:

“It was so weird, it didn’t even feel like we were doing a scene within a Twilight film. I was like, ‘Bella! What are you doing? Wow! What is happening here?!’ It was very surreal. We got rated R, They recut it.”

Continue reading “‘Breaking Dawn’ Was Almost Rated R”

Pattinsquatch Intimidated By Taylor Llamautner’s Bod

Elusive english Sasquatch Robert Pattinson revealed to the Latin magazine 15a20 that he was insecure about his sex scene with Kristen Stewart because of how hard Taylor Lautner (Llamautner) works out for his slutty werewolf role…

Continue reading “Pattinsquatch Intimidated By Taylor Llamautner’s Bod”