Mariah Carey Doesn’t Change Her Kids’ Diapers

SHOCKER – Mariah Carey has probably never changed either of her children’s diapers, but it’s don’t get it wrong, it’s not like it never gets done.

House slave Nick Cannon tells Anderson Cooper that he’s cool with it and just snaps on some industrial strength hand covers and goes to town.

I imagine Mariah being too much of a diva to do more than set her twins in front of a garden hose for a few minutes, so this is probably a good thing, plus, I’ve learned from those Charmin’ commercials that bears are especially prone to IBS.

“I mean we all do it but for some reason I get that duty a little bit more. I am not scared of it. I go in, I put the gloves on,” Cannon explained.  Continue reading “Mariah Carey Doesn’t Change Her Kids’ Diapers”

Get Your Handkerchiefs (and Guns), Jessica Biel Will Officially Become ‘Jessica Timberlake’

Remember when Adam Sandler and Kevin James wore matching “Mrs. Pitt” and “Mrs. Timberlake” shirts in I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry?

Even with the popularity of those tees behind us, the reality of the situation is…

There really is a Mrs. Justin Timberlake, and it’s not you, or Cameron Diaz, or Britney Spears!

“Yes, I’m changing my name,” Jessica Biel told People. “My professional name will still be the same, but for life, yes, I think it sounds great. I think I really won the jackpot of names.”

Girl, you won the jackpot of dudes. The Timberlake Appreciation Society (founded by our friends over at Grouchy Muffin), will have lots to say about this.

But at least we won’t have to deal with seeing “Jessica Timberlake” scroll across the screen at her next below-average movie (Stealth?? WTF).

Continue reading “Get Your Handkerchiefs (and Guns), Jessica Biel Will Officially Become ‘Jessica Timberlake’”

Spears And Lohan Face-Morph Videos

A YouTube user has made two videos chronicling Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan from their childhood years to now.

Seeing someone age before your eyes is never fun (the AgingBooth app scares the scheisse out of me) but it’s especially terrifying with these two.

Britney, from “…Baby One More Time” to her 24-hour friendship with Paris Hilton and two-year marriage to Kevin Federline.

It’s still painful seeing these events all at once, especially the bald incident and Dollar Tree weave.

Lindsay’s is actually worse. “25 Years In 60 Seconds” is enough to put a few extra creases in my forehead. It’s as though Louisiana-born Britney always had that hillbilly gene and propensity to be tan and sausage-y. Continue reading “Spears And Lohan Face-Morph Videos”

Alright Voice Judges, Time To Change Your Clothes

You may or may not have noticed that this, but for the third battle round in a row, the judges on The Voice haven’t bothered to change their clothes.

This is actually because these two-hour episodes were filmed all at one time.

The dummies at NBC didn’t bother to tell Christina Aguilera to take off her shrunken Liza Minnelli hat to at least allude to it being a different day.

I’m tired of Adam Levine in his oversized brown J-Crew abomination that looks it’s from the closet of some rustic cabin in Colorado. And Cee Lo, in a specially-made letterman jacket for Big & Tall dwarfs.

Continue reading “Alright Voice Judges, Time To Change Your Clothes”

Appearance Changes For Katy Perry And Ashton Kutcher

Ashton and Katy both just got out of relationships, one noticeably longer than the other yet equally high-profile. Like all shamed and tired recently-made single people, they’re both going for something new. Ashton Kutcher cut his hair and shaved his beard/sideburns and Katy Perry dyed her blue.

Continue reading “Appearance Changes For Katy Perry And Ashton Kutcher”

New Pigment Surgery Lasers Away Brown Eyes

Yes Hitler’s dream of a blue-eyed nation is finally becoming a possibility, with a new surgery called “Lumineyes,” developed by Gregg Homer of California, you can look like Steve Sanders, Ellen DeGeneres or your pet Siamese cat.

In a few years you’ll be able to surgically alter your eye color, from brown to blue. The procedure costs $5,000 and took 10 years for Homer to perfect. Here’s how it works:

A computer scans your eye and uses a laser to “disrupt” (erase) the brown part of your iris. Since there is blue pigment in everyone’s eye, the laser looks to remove the top layer of melanin.

Continue reading “New Pigment Surgery Lasers Away Brown Eyes”