Snowboarder Puts # On Helmet, Phone Crashed By Desperate Women

russian snowboarder phone numberA young Russian snowboarder received thousands of messages from women who took notice of the fact that he wore a helmet with his actual phone number written on the side and stood on a rebellious Pussy Riot board during last week’s Olympic finals.

Too many sexy texts and topless photos for his phone’s media storage to handle…

“I’ve got a collection of pictures,” the 22-year-old told USA Today. “It’s really boring in the Olympic Village, you know?”

There are three types of women who would do such a thing: ones who want to be famous, ones who want to talk to a famous person, and ones who are just super horny and bored. Most fall a little into all three categories. These women are a step above those who become penpals with men serving life sentences for murder and a big step below frequent OkCupid users.  Continue reading “Snowboarder Puts # On Helmet, Phone Crashed By Desperate Women”

Chris Brown Uninjured and Unarrested After Crashing Into a Wall

Chris Brown crash 2013From the Frank Ocean fight to the speeding ticket to not doing his community service, these past few weeks have been amazing for everyone but Chris Brown and delusional Team Breezy.

Yesterday, according to the police and the paparazzi, Chris crashed into a wall completely of his own accord (or Porsche) on his way to a children’s dance competition.

Brown, whose body faired better than his car, claims he was chased into the wall by the paps (if that’s true, I’m sending them all flowers).

My problem is this – it’s the night of the Grammys and he still hasn’t been arrested or severely hurt. It seems everything he’s been up to is leading to that. Still, no Chris behind bars. No Big Bubba sodomy. Thanks a lot, universe.