Rachel Bilson’s Baby Sadly Isn’t Named ‘Darth’ Anything

darth vader summer robertsSummer Roberts and Darth Vader had a baby together and named it Briar Rose, code name for Disney Princess Aurora of Sleeping Beauty, which is barely Star Wars-related and completely un-O.C.ified. (Was really hoping for Darth Roberts, Summer Vader or Darth Mall.)

Briar Rose, otherwise known as B-Rose, enjoys long walks on the pier, pouting, gingerbread lattes and electrocuting people with her chubby fingertips.

At this point, Hayden Christensen needed the baby to at least secure child support payments from Bilson once she divorces him for COMMISSIONER GORDON.

It’s a Darth, Darth Summer, leaving me here on my own…

Darth Vader, Voldemort and Sally Jessy Raphael React to Kim Kardashian Giving Birth

Voldemort darth vader sally jessy raphael
Kim Kardashian’s vagina became a protractor last night and erupted into full saber-toothed tiger early this morning. I mean, contractions. And labor. Either way, the red priestess gave her a baby 5 weeks early because, you know, sorcery is not an exact science.

Three of the most dreaded villains of all time commented on the news on Twitter.

First, Sith Lord electrocutioner Darth Vader wrote that he is “no longer the worst parent in the universe,” with The Dark Lord Voldemort adding “No word on which ‘K’ name she gave it but I’m hoping for ‘Kreacher.'”

Never one to let her poker buddies have the last word, Skynet Talknet mastermind Sally Jessy Raphael slithered out of an abandoned glory hole and commanded one of her minions to type the above words.

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French Artist Makes Vader Helmet Out Of Recycled Bits

If I were artistic in a certain way I’d be the one making Star Wars tributes out of old hangers and doorknobs and the like but I’m not so I’ll just post pictures of the damn things, sad and longing for this kind of talent.

I’m just not this much of a hoarder, or I should rephrase, I have junk in my house but instead of endearing granny cutlery it’s 10 years worth of dustified Spin and Rolling Stone magazines piled sky high.

What can I make out of magazines? Paper mache? Paper planes? Only if M.I.A. is there to help me fold. Alain Bellino, the Frenchy I admire, made this Darth Vader head out of everything, the spoons are eyes and the rest are tiny decorational knick knacks.

I need to call this guy and tell him to make the Master Chief helmet, or like, a hockey stick made out of butter knives. If I played actual hockey I could stab anyone who challenged me.