Emma Watson Cast as Belle in ‘Beauty and the Beast’

Feminist/actress/down-to-earth sex symbol Emma Watson has been cast as Belle in a live action version of Beauty and the Beast directed by Bill Condon of Breaking Dawn, uh, fame.

Can’t wait for Belle to be pregnant with Beast’s baby and have to sacrifice Mrs. Potts (voice of Meryl Streep, obviously) to it. Speaking of that, how on earth are they going to depict talking clocks and dishware? Will the feather duster still get it on with the candlestick?

Are they going to do my favorite Disney movie justice or is it just Fifty Shades of Grey with an animal twist. Like the highest budget donkey show ever…  Continue reading “Emma Watson Cast as Belle in ‘Beauty and the Beast’”

Rachel Bilson’s Baby Sadly Isn’t Named ‘Darth’ Anything

darth vader summer robertsSummer Roberts and Darth Vader had a baby together and named it Briar Rose, code name for Disney Princess Aurora of Sleeping Beauty, which is barely Star Wars-related and completely un-O.C.ified. (Was really hoping for Darth Roberts, Summer Vader or Darth Mall.)

Briar Rose, otherwise known as B-Rose, enjoys long walks on the pier, pouting, gingerbread lattes and electrocuting people with her chubby fingertips.

At this point, Hayden Christensen needed the baby to at least secure child support payments from Bilson once she divorces him for COMMISSIONER GORDON.

It’s a Darth, Darth Summer, leaving me here on my own…

This R&B Cover of ‘Do You Want To Build a Snowman’ is Absolutely Spectacular

STOP contemplating spending your bad day watching videos of dancing lambs and monkeys bothering cats and listen to the folky/R&B version of “Do You Want to Build a Snowman” in all its glorious smile-inducing cuteness.

Yes, The Voice Australia semi-finalist Fatai just released her full rendition of the song everyone – even people who miraculously haven’t seem Frozen – are singing regardless of it being summer and there not being access to snow in most parts of the country.

Beyonce is surely jealous of all this note-stretching soulfulness, wondering why she didn’t come up with this for the sing-Blue-Ivy-to-sleep mixtape.  Continue reading “This R&B Cover of ‘Do You Want To Build a Snowman’ is Absolutely Spectacular”

‘Maleficent’ is a Sword in the Heart of ‘Sleeping Beauty’ Fans Everywhere

Maleficent new and old
Maleficent did mighty well at the box office, resulting in Angelina Jolie’s biggest opening weekend that trumped Tomb Raider and Wanted by millions, but many fans of Disney’s original Sleeping Beauty are calling it disappointing and a little anti-feminist.

The discussion on where Maleficent went wrong seems to always begin with the villain not being nearly as evil as we remember: from her strange, distant interactions with Princess Aurora, the botched story of how she lost her wings and turned evil goth solely because of a man, and the fact that she never f*cking turns into a dragon.

Via i09’s “How Could Disney Do This To Maleficent“:

She doesn’t really build any sort of personality; instead all we see is a woman who is reacting to a slew of terrible things her former lover inflicts on her. It just seems like she’s running around, coming up with all of these ideas as they hit her. Her go-to move is to zap people into unconscious human balloons, which she then manipulates around in the air.

The article’s author, Meredith Woerner says the film spends way too much time on Aurora and not her wicked fairy godmother, and that the retelling of the story depicts Maleficent as a mentally weak woman who makes rash decisions because Aurora’s father, King Stefan, “drugged and violated her.” Continue reading “‘Maleficent’ is a Sword in the Heart of ‘Sleeping Beauty’ Fans Everywhere”

There May Be a NEW INDIANA JONES in Town…

Bradley Cooper the a team shirtlessNerds, flex your gag reflex. People who thought Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was a completely acceptable movie: I have good news for you!

Disney may be recasting Bradley Cooper as Indy, replacing 71-year-old Harrison Ford after four runs as professor Jones beginning in 1981 with the spectacular Raiders of the Lost Ark. (I love the smell of melting Nazis in the morning.)

A source for Latino Review says the studio is “100% prepared” to move ahead with a younger actor for Indiana Jones 5, with Cooper at the head of the list. LR adds that Frank Darabont (The Walking Dead, The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles) is being considered for lead script writing duties.

Continue reading “There May Be a NEW INDIANA JONES in Town…”

Disney Buys Rights to [Either Save or Further Ruin] Indiana Jones

indiana jones recastWhile Disney hasn’t confirmed a release or production dates for the inevitable new Indiana Jones movie, they have officially acquired the rights from Paramount, giving them full ownership of the franchise.

From Variety:

Under the arrangement, Disney gains distribution and marketing rights to future films, in addition to retaining the ownership rights it secured when it acquired Lucasfilm.

Paramount will continue to be responsible for distribution of the first four films in the franchise and will receive a financial participation on any future films that are produced and released.

I can’t wait for them to recast Justin Bieber as Indy so he can use his diamond earrings as makeshift ninja stars and snap his whip at abominable snowmen with Mickey Mouse’s face and Goofy’s feet.

You Ready For ‘Maleficent’? …Angelina Jolie Is

first Maleficent posterI fear 3D-ready live-action Disney adaptations more than I love Angelina Jolie. I mean… Oz The Great and Powerful, Alice in Wonderland… why so shiny?

Perhaps we can rest easy knowing Tim Burton DID NOT direct Maleficent? (We all remember a day when that sentence would have been appalling.) And speaking of shiny, look at the new poster!

Jolie, who hasn’t starred in a movie since 2010’s The Tourist, looks as devilish as she did when she was ripping off rich men in Original Sin.

Pajiba is right in pointing out that  the “gleam in her eye” appears to be back.

Maleficent, the intriguing feature starring Sleeping Beauty’s villain, also starring Elle Fanning, Juno Temple and Miranda Richardson, hits theaters May 30, 2014.

Disney Brings Grandma Leia to ‘Star Wars: Episode VII’

Grandma LeiaCarrie Fisher confirmed her return to Star Wars in an  interview with Palm Beach Illustrated (a publication that usually features wine tasting advice and tips for maintaining “beach beauty”).

Her comments tie in with those made by veteran Mark Hamill (who speculated that Luke would be “living out in some kind of desert igloo with a couple of robots”), and the rumor that Harrison Ford was also being propositioned for Star Wars Episode VII: An Old Hope.

These three are in their 50’s, 60’s and 70’s, and as much as I admire them all, I DO NOT WANT to see them wheeling around the Millennium Falcon cracking wise about their age all bloated and grey like Ford in The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.  Continue reading “Disney Brings Grandma Leia to ‘Star Wars: Episode VII’”

Vivienne Jolie-Pitt Earning $3,000 a Week For Disney’s ‘Maleficent’ Reboot

Vivienne Jolie PittI always knew that if I was going to have children, I’d have a whole Bekins truck full of ’em. At least enough to cover the offense and defense lines of the Edmonton Oilers or conduct in a band like The Jackson 5 or Selena y Los Dinos.

Spider-hand broodmother Angelina Jolie is no dummy either. After four long years of prestigious drama courses at Juliard, Vivienne Jolie-Pitt, born in 2008 as one-half of the most expensive twins in history, is ready for her acting debut.

The blonde, younger sister of Shiloh is set to star in Maleficent alongside Angelina, Elle Fanning, and Juno Temple. Siblings Pax and Zahara have been cast in smaller roles, with paychecks never exceeding Vivienne’s reported $3,000 per week.

Disney Just Bought Lucasfilm For $4 Billion, Will Release A New Star Wars Film In 2015

Holy crap. Walt Disney Pictures bought Lucasfilm and the rights to Star Wars for $4.05 billion dollars today. And that’s not all. Disney CEO Bob Iger says new movies are on the way!

“The expectation is we’ll release 2 and 3 [‘Episode 8’ and ‘9’] … probably on a cadence on every other year [after 7 in 2015], and then go from there. … The film is what I’ll call early stage development right now,” Iger said in a conference call.

Here’s the official statement from George Lucas:  Continue reading “Disney Just Bought Lucasfilm For $4 Billion, Will Release A New Star Wars Film In 2015”

Another Re-Imagining Of Your Favorite Disney Characters

We’ve seen Disney Princesses in real-life twice (once by Ryan Astamundi and again by Jirka Väätäinen), dark and twisted, and thrown together in Amy Mebberson’s light-hearted Pocket Princesses.

Now there’s “Disasterland” by Mexican artist Rodolfo Loaiza which is a “tribute to fashion, animation, horror films and the undeniable attraction of celebrity.”

He’s got The Evil Queen snorting cocaine, Cinderella shaving her head in a moment unmistakably recognizable as a nod to Britney Spears’ 2007 meltdown, Jafar and Captain Hook embraced in a villainous lip-lock, and Lady Gaga’s meat dress.

There’s also a lot of animal humping and licking, and little odes to various rock stars including Kurt Cobain, Marilyn Manson, David Bowie and Michael Jackson.  Continue reading “Another Re-Imagining Of Your Favorite Disney Characters”

Disney Gave Ursula An Eating Disorder

In a new collection of figurines and beauty products Disney has made Ursula look older and skinnier than she was in the 1989 classic The Little Mermaid. In fact, she looks very much like Yzma, the witch from The Emperor’s New Groove.

The keeper of souls and stealer of voices isn’t the only one to undergo a shocking transformation. They’ve made the Queen Of Hearts look like Snow White’s innocent older sister.  Continue reading “Disney Gave Ursula An Eating Disorder”

Angelina Jolie As Maleficent, ‘Mistress Of All Evil’

Here’s a first look at Angelina Jolie in the role she was born for, as Sleeping Beauty‘s Maleficent. A classic Disney tale with a twist – it’s from the viewpoint of the villain.

In 2010, Jolie called the chance to work with Tim Burton “extraordinary.” Too bad that’s not happening anymore, as he has been replaced by first-time director, visual/special effects specialist Robert Stromberg.

I already have more faith in the quality of Maleficent (due 2014) now that Burton isn’t involved. He forgot how to make movies as soon as the countdown for the year 2000 began.

Continue reading “Angelina Jolie As Maleficent, ‘Mistress Of All Evil’”

Neil Gaiman’s ‘The Graveyard Book’ Movie Details

Neil Gaiman, is an author whose work has been translated to the screen many times. From Coraline and Stardust to the BBC TV mini-series Neverwhere and the yet-to-be seen American Gods, which has been picked up by HBO and Tom Hank’s production company.

The Graveyard Book is another upcoming project. Rights have been bought by Disney for six figures and Henry Selick (Coraline, Nightmare Before Christmas) is attached as director. Gaiman’s young adult work of fiction came out in 2008 and won multiple awards including the Newbery Medal and the Hugo Award for Best Novel.  Continue reading “Neil Gaiman’s ‘The Graveyard Book’ Movie Details”

The Latest Disney Princess Is…A Little Kid?

Disney are known for their unique and (surprisingly) ethnically diverse movie princesses such as Jasmine, Snow White and Tiana from 2009’s The Princess And The Frog. Their latest is also a first for the multi-billion dollar company – because she’s a preschooler.

No word on whether or not the movie will hit the theaters or not. The television show (yes she’s starring in a show too) looks to draw in child viewers between the ages of two and seven. Sophia The First debuts in film format 2012 and TV in Spring of 2013.

Ariel Winter of Modern Family will voice Sophia with Sara Ramirez (Grey’s Anatomy) as a Queen and Wayne Brady as a talking rabbit. No joke. Sophia-based toys and clothing are already being made.

‘Lion King 3D’ Sings Its Way To Top Of Box Office, Tune of $30 Million

After numerous blogs and years after the rebirth of 3D, people have been saying that it is “on the decline,” though there’s one movie this week that begs to differ.

James Cameron proved with Avatar, that if done right, the technology can bring in buckets of cash and asses in their respective red seats.

Alas, that was back in 2009, and again people called 3D a thing of the past, pointing critically at the box office while quoting statistics.

The Lion King 3D is the film here to tell disbelievers (again) that only Mufasa is the only one who is dead, and not 3D. This famous 1994 Disney flick, starring Jonathan Taylor Thomas and James Earl Jones, had the second highest opening for a re-release in cinema history…

Continue reading “‘Lion King 3D’ Sings Its Way To Top Of Box Office, Tune of $30 Million”

Netflix, Sucking More By The Hour

After a surprising price increase for DVD and streaming services (from $8.99 to $15.98) and their stock dropping rapidly, more bad news from the company has come up.

Starz has decided to separate from Netflix and because of Starz’ affiliation with Disney and Sony, this will cause around 1,000 out of Netflix’s 22,000 movies to disappear.

That includes shows like Spartacus, Party Down and Torchwood, not to mention countless movies.

This will go into effect in February 28, 2012…

Continue reading “Netflix, Sucking More By The Hour”