Fred Armisen is Someone Basically All Women Should Avoid

Take what anonymous commenters on the internet have to say with a grain of salt, but there are just too many similar stories about Portlandia pioneer and Late Night bandleader Fred Armisen not being the fun, nice nerd-guy you imagine for it to be a coincidence.

Before and after Armisen’s ex-wife Elisabeth Moss publicly called being married to him “traumatic” and “horrible,” many non-famous women have taken to the internet to share their experiences. Apparently, Fred likes to keep girls on the side. Girls that he is very attentive and sweet with until he gets what he wants, and while his marriage to Moss might not have broken up because he was “sleeping with prostitutes,” as one commenter suggested, one woman did say this:

Fred got me pregnant, I had a miscarriage and he abandoned me.

And that’s not a stand-alone statement just coming out of nowhere. There are handfuls of people using the words “sociopath,” “cheater” and “asshole” to describe him.

He’s also very funny, so if you have a vagina, turn on your TV and laugh at him from afar. Or just work with him be gay. That seems to work for Carrie Brownstein.

FRED ARMISEN BEHIND A TREE

Fred Armisen yeah yeah yeahs behind a tree Portland You see the man in the nondescript, green jacket with folded arms standing behind a tree and familiar Pacific Northwestern grey sky? That’s Fred Armisen, of  Portlandia, watching Har Mar Superstar open for the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

My friend and I spotted the Saturday Night Live alumn in the far back, enjoying the show and posing for pictures with everyone that walked by, looked at him, and made that priceless “Oh shit” face of awe, happiness and surprise you make when you see Fred Armisen standing behind a tree like the normal person that he is.

For a while we just watched him and felt bad that he couldn’t enjoy himself, eventually speculating that maybe he was one of those tragically lonely celebrities who finds solace in talking to strangers who recognize him. After a 20-minute discussion, we did what any two assholes would and demanded a picture with him.  Continue reading “FRED ARMISEN BEHIND A TREE”

‘Terrible Husband’ Fred Armisen Talks Elisabeth Moss Marriage

Fred Armisen Howard Stern interviewAfter divorcing husband of eight months Fred Armisen, Mad Men star Elisabeth Moss once saidOne of the greatest things I heard someone say about him is, ‘He’s so great at doing impersonations. But the greatest impersonation he does is that of a normal person.”

Armisen opened up about his relationship with Moss and [former] fellow SNL cast member Abby Elliott to Howard Stern on Thursday, Jan. 3. “I think I was a terrible husband, I think I’m a terrible boyfriend,” he admitted. 

“Little by little I’m sort of learning to fix that, I’m not settled in on being a bad boyfriend. I think I get very caught up in the beginning.”  Continue reading “‘Terrible Husband’ Fred Armisen Talks Elisabeth Moss Marriage”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [10-7-12]

Fred Armisen is Daniel Craig’s very loving girlfriend on Saturday Night Live. (Hulu)

The next book J.K. Rowling writes will be for children. (BBC)

LeAnn Rimes show cancelled due to “massive infection” in her mouth. (Evil Beet)

So which political party does the evolution-is-a-lie-from-the-pit-of hell guy belong to? (Yahoo!)

Cissy Houston thinks $20 million dollars will kill Bobbi Kristina. (TMZ)

Iconic wrestler says Hulk Hogan has “grasshopper dick and raisin balls.” (Deadspin)

Swastikas are trending on Twitter because people think they’re funny and controversial?? (Gawker)

Ohio State’s marching band is very creative and geek-friendly. (Kotaku)

Maya Rudolph Spoofs Beyonce In Blue Ivy Carter Skit

The most recent episode of Saturday Night Live was a highlight of the season and perhaps the past three years as well. I’d rank it right up there with the Justin Timberlake/Lady Gaga episode.

One memorable moment (of many) was the Beyonce baby skit, which was an excuse not only for Jay Pharoah to do his Jay-Z impression and for Maya Rudolph to reprise her role as Beyonce but for a bevvy of “celebrities” to congratulate them.

Justin Timberlake came out as Bon Iver’s Justin Vernon saying “Sorry I’m late, whatever…I fashioned this guitar out of a canoe” and singing something indiscernible about a ferris wheel. Continue reading “Maya Rudolph Spoofs Beyonce In Blue Ivy Carter Skit”