Jennifer Lopez Performs for Corrupt Turkmenistan Leader

Jennifer Lopez swimsuit magazineJennifer Lopez is pissing a lot of people off after performing “Happy Birthday, Mr. President” to the leader of Turkmenistan, Gurbanguly Berdymukhamedov (yikes, we’ll call him Gurb), on Sunday, garnering criticism from the Human Rights Foundation and pretty much everyone.

Why? Because Gurb is a corrupt authoritarian leader of one of the most corrupt and repressive countries in the world. He has been in power since 2006 and has made no improvements whatsoever to the country’s quality of life, which needless to say, is low.

He’s kept in place previous bans on everything from video games, to car radios, to facial hair. The state maintains a high level of control of the media and news, and is ranked as one of the most censored countries in the world. And any government opposition will get you life imprisonment.

Whoa. Whoa indeed! Human Rights Foundation president Thor Halvorssen said the same thing, before releasing the following statement:  Continue reading “Jennifer Lopez Performs for Corrupt Turkmenistan Leader”

Britney Spears is 31 Years Old Today!

Britney Spears Santa outfitHappy birthday to my all time favorite pop star – wincing X-Factor judge, and Kevin Federline survivor Britney Spears!

Original queen of the gas station turned 31 today. No exact word on how she’s celebrating or what undeserving fiancé Jason Trawick gave her as a gift.

She did tweet a photo of latest addition to the Spears family, Hannah the dog, standing on a birthday card and later thanked her fans and wrote that she was having an “absolutely wonderful birthday.”

I’m going to encourage you to check out a certain lesser-known landmark moment in her career… The Christmas song “My Only Wish (This Year).” Released in 2000, the song is predictably about how Britney wants a man under the mistletoe and in her sleigh.  Continue reading “Britney Spears is 31 Years Old Today!”

Look How Cute George Takei Is

Like all good nerdy liberals, I LOVE George Takei. Not in a molester way, I just wish he was my grandfather (Clint too) I mean how badass would it be if I was related to Sulu?

He’d probably give the best birthday presents too, and hopefully a realistic limited edition model of the Enterprise for graduation. Speaking of birthdays, that day just arrived for George yesterday, on April 20th. It was his 75th.

Today Robert Smith and Iggy Pop’s celebrated their special days but I’m much more interested in Mr. Takei. Look at this picture of him in Toronto celebrating. Ugh, I just want to abduct [insert beam joke here] him.  Continue reading “Look How Cute George Takei Is”

Now It’s Ra Ra Lady Gaga’s Birthday

On this date in history the queen of America was born, the day after Mariah Carey and Fergie Ferg and the very same as Xena and Führer Elle MacPherson.

Lady Gaga has had so many memorable moments since 2008 that I have trouble naming one in particular.

Instead, I posted this picture of her from a few days earlier with no makeup plus a sad piece of cake that someone who hated her must have bought at Chuck E. Cheese for New York adults. I’ll never forget how amazing The Fame was but I’ll also never wash the lingering scent of mediocrity, failed controversy attempts and successful stabs at narcissism on Born This Way. 

Continue reading “Now It’s Ra Ra Lady Gaga’s Birthday”

Happy Glittery Butter[fly] Birthday Mariah Carey!

Mariah Carey turned 42 today. Her first album ever, the self-titled debut that contained “Someday” and “Vision Of Love” was released 22 years ago, in 1990.

Since then we’ve seen her at her best and worst. Her pricey wedding to manager Tommy Mottola that supposedly included no less than 50 flower girls.

The millionth clue that her mental age doesn’t come close to matching her actual years on earth – the time she surprised Carson Daly on TRL, stripping and handing out ice cream to audience members.  Continue reading “Happy Glittery Butter[fly] Birthday Mariah Carey!”

Happy Birthday Rob Kardashian! Here’s A Pic Of You In A Dress And Your Mom In Nothing

Rob Kardashian is such a lucky boy. His five sisters always seem disappointed in him and everyone forgets he exists until he randomly shows up on Khloe And Lamar, peering into the refrigerator, taking a nap or macking on Malika Haqq.

It was his 25th birthday on Saturday, March 17 and his lovely mother Kris Jenner decided that this was an opportune moment to post a naked pregnant picture of herself on her blog with the message:

“Happy 25th birthday to my wonderful, handsome son, Rob!! Rob, you are the best son a mother could ask for and you make me proud every day. I love you so much!!”  Continue reading “Happy Birthday Rob Kardashian! Here’s A Pic Of You In A Dress And Your Mom In Nothing”

Justin Bieber Turned 18 And The Internet Didn’t Break (Two Miracles In One)

On March 1, 1994 Justin Bieber was birthed from the sky, floating down to us on a pillow made from virgin hair and maple bars. The day is important to more than just 2 billion preteens who sing “Baby” on their home Karaoke machine nightly.

It’s a big deal for Selena Gomez too! The LAPD no longer have her on their statutory rape watchlist. The two can bone in public (on the beach, the wing of a plane, wherever) instead of a rented out Staples Center with Titanic playing on a projector screen.

Unfortunately no pictures of the Biebs seductively blowing out candles on a penis cake or snorting heroin off Demi Lovato’s elbow have surfaced. The only “surprise” is that he’s buying a mansion and releasing a new single on March 26, co-written by Mike Posner and called “Boyfriend.”  Continue reading “Justin Bieber Turned 18 And The Internet Didn’t Break (Two Miracles In One)”

Happy Birthday, Freddie Mercury!

The prolific British frontman for Queen who died just four years after he was diagnosed with aids in 1987, would have been 65 years-old today!

Freddie was the voice behind “Bohemian Rhapsody,” “We Will Rock You” and “Crazy Little Thing Called Love,” not to mention “Radio Ga Ga,” the root of Lady Gaga’s moniker.

Continue reading “Happy Birthday, Freddie Mercury!”