Kanye is ‘Definitely’ Recording With Taylor Swift

taylor swift kanye memeWhat kind of world am I living in? Apparently one where Kanye West and Taylor Swift bury the hatchet by recording sweet sweet music together.

Kanye hasn’t recorded sweet sweet music since 2010, and while I doubt a country/pop crossover with Taylor is the answer, it’s still astounding that he says he’s for sure going to make sure going to make music with the girl who’s moment he ruined on behalf of Beyonce all those years ago.  Continue reading “Kanye is ‘Definitely’ Recording With Taylor Swift”

Video: Childish Gambino – “Sober”

Actor/rapper extraordinaire Donald Glover enlists his favorite director Hiro Murai (“Telegraph Ave,” “Sweatpants,” and “3005”) to shoot the stoner anthem “Sober.”
childish gambino sober childish gambino sober dove
Glover displays excellent pantomiming skills in hopes of impressing a girl (Amber Lauren Jones) at a diner. Dude has doves flying out of his shirt and she barely bats an eye. Cold.

As you can imagine, Glover, Murai and Jones had a blast making this.  Continue reading “Video: Childish Gambino – “Sober””

Video: Nicki Minaj – “Only”

While you’re waiting for Nicki Minaj‘s third full-length album The Pinkprint (tomorrow), here’s a video of Nicki bouncing around in business casual attire with Drake professing his love for cellulite-laden ass dimples and Chris Brown in his most believable performance ever as a rapey-eyed devil. Produced by alleged Ke$ha and Lady Gaga rapist Dr. Luke.
  

Nicki Minaj’s Feud With Iggy Azalea is Nonexistent

Iggy Azalea Nicki Minaj crazy facesGiant white Australian ass vs. giant New York ass, also known as up-and-comer Iggy Azalea vs. Nicki Minaj, is not a thing. After that phantom conglomerate we call the internet automatically assumed the parts of Minaj’s BET Awards speech about authenticity and songwriting were aimed at fellow Best Female Hip-Hop Artist Nominee Azalea, Minaj took to Twitter to clarify that her words were actually not directed at anyone in particular.

According to her, we put the shade in her hand and threw it for her / on a beef scale of 1 to 10, this is a turkey sub.  Continue reading “Nicki Minaj’s Feud With Iggy Azalea is Nonexistent”

Video: Beyoncé – Partition (Explicit)

Beyoncé is a dedicated wife and mother, but in her latest clip, “Partition,” we see her do what she truly thrives at: performing. Do me a favor and read some lyrics before proceeding:

Oh he so horny, yeah he want to f*ck
He popped all my buttons, and he ripped my blouse
He Monica Lewinsky’d all on my gown

Oh there daddy, daddy didn’t bring the towel
Oh baby baby we betta slow it down

(By performing, I mean bedazzling her funbags and wearing floppy hats and elaborate lingerie that could only be undone by a Greek God with an industrial chainsaw. )  Continue reading “Video: Beyoncé – Partition (Explicit)”

Earth to Kanye West, A Genius Probably Wouldn’t Call Himself a Genius

Last night on Jimmy Kimmel Live, Kanye West touched on a plethora of unimportant subjects that related to nothing but him and his life because only God knows what’s bigger, his wife’s ass or his head.

During the lengthy interview that every news outlet ever is calling an epic “rant,” Kanye called himself a “genius,” a “messenger” and a “creative,” not realizing that self-applied terms like this consistently make him sound like an untrendy toolbox douchnozzle.

Do you even brain: I’m totally weird, and I’m totally honest, and I’m totally inappropriate sometimes. And the thing is, for me to say I wasn’t a genius, I would just be lying to you and to myself.”

Wow Kanye, you’re totally akin to Joan of Arc!: “I wouldn’t even say that I’m a rapper. I’d say I’m more of a messenger than a rapper.”  Continue reading “Earth to Kanye West, A Genius Probably Wouldn’t Call Himself a Genius”

Janelle Monae Won’t Say If She’s Gay or Straight Because… Politics

I know the title made you think she was running for president, but college-radio favorite Janelle Monae says she doesn’t want to let anyone know her sexuality because she doesn’t want any specific gender or group to stop liking her. And she means it not in the “I hate you, I want to light you on fire and swing you from a noose” type of way, but in the “ohhhh baby I love your way,” way.

“I want everybody to focus on my music,” Monae told a Sirius radio host that isn’t Howard Stern and therefore doesn’t deserve to be named. “I also don’t want to let anybody down. I want women to still be attracted to me. Go get my album! I want men to still be attracted to me, so I have to be political in this. So I can’t really tell y’all!”

Interesting reasoning, but almost no straight person ever answers “are you gay?” with, “I refuse to answer because ______  <—- [insert random made-up reason here].”  Continue reading “Janelle Monae Won’t Say If She’s Gay or Straight Because… Politics”

Mariah Carey Shares Popular Opinion That Nick Cannon’s Music is a Joke

Nick Cannon laughingMariah Carey‘s first born Nick Cannon told reporters at a VMA after-party that his wifey for lifey doesn’t take his music seriously.

She thinks my music is a big joke,” he said, laughing (because people laugh when things are true). “But so do I so it doesn’t matter … My music is silly, you know what I mean, she makes anthems that changes people’s lives.”

While I’d have to argue that “Touch My Body” didn’t exactly cause me to have eye-opening peyote tent visions, it does make his song “Gigolo” from 2003 with R. Kelly look like an even bigger reason to flush and light a match.

Me remembering and even singing the line “I’m a gigolo, spending lots of dough” around my apartment makes me wonder if I qualify for electroshock therapy. Continue reading “Mariah Carey Shares Popular Opinion That Nick Cannon’s Music is a Joke”

Terry Crews Plays Major Lazer in “Scare Me” Video

Terry Crews major lazer 1Terry Crews has just completed the most important role of his film career. At least in my opinion. And the opinion of any Major Lazer fan.

The NFL player-turned-actor appears in the trio’s new video for “Scare Me,” off their new album released earlier this year, playing none other than the Major himself. In the video, he’s tasked with saving the world from an evil warlord who’s gotten his hands on a powerful “terror lazer.”

So it’s Major Lazer, using a major lazer (among other things) to fight off a man with another, more powerful major lazer. I wish there was a way to watch this battle live. And on acid.

A few other familiar faces made it into the video, including Workaholics’ Blake Andersen and The League’s Nick Kroll, who utters by far the most powerful line in the video: “Awaken the Major.”  Continue reading “Terry Crews Plays Major Lazer in “Scare Me” Video”

Michelle Obama to Appear in Health-Conscious Hip Hop Videos

A slightly misleading but still incredible NME article says “US First Lady Michelle Obama to release hip-hop album.” Don’t get your hopes up too high, internet…

Mich O. won’t actually be singing on said album, she’s just organizing it for educational purposes. You know her deal, getting kids to replace delicious fried food with food that is good for you and tastes like unseasoned gelatinous hippie pit sweat (but at least makes you poop consistently).

Artists included on the compilation Songs For A Healthier America are Darryl ‘DMC’ McDaniels, Travis Barker, Ashanti, Doug E. Fresh, Jordin Sparks and Matisyahu.

Michelle will only be appearing in videos for songs like “U R What You Eat,” “Veggie Luv” and “Everybody” (download for free HERE if you dare and/or care), but I still keep imagining them turning out like this: (Take it away, Mary Sue / Let his love bust a cap in your butt and say HALLELUJAH!) Or this: Continue reading “Michelle Obama to Appear in Health-Conscious Hip Hop Videos”

Nicki Minaj Settles DJ Beef, Explains How She Was Conditioned To Breathe Fire on Naysayers

Nicki Minaj Peter RosenbergI generally feel the same way about Nicki Minaj that I do about Katy Perry. I’m a pop junkie, so I like some of their songs but not their personas. (Or excuse me, Nicki Minaj’s persona and Katy Perry’s personality.)

My feelings for Minaj’s Cash Money bro Drake go the other way. (His rapping hasn’t improved much since the Degrassi days.)

Nicki gave a surprisingly less vapid and immature interview with DJ Peter Rosenberg from New York’s Hot 97 than we’re used to on Monday, discussing problems with male-driven society and Rosenberg himself, who caused Minaj to pull out of the Summer Jam concert in Jersey last summer when he called her song “Starships” bullsh*t.

“I know there are some chicks in here waiting to sing along with ‘Starships’ later,” Rosenberg told the crowd before Kendrick Lamar took the stage in 2012. ”I’m not talking to y’all now. F*ck that bullsh*t. I’m here to talk about real hip hop sh*t.”   CLICK HERE you’re still not in the HOV lane with beez in your trap…

Britney Spears Gets in Shape by Avoiding Giant Bowls Full of Cookie Dough

Britney Spears Shape Magazine 2013 Britney Spears‘ exercise and diet tips involve walking backwards on the elliptical three times a week and saying no to uncooked gobs of sugary salmonella goodness.

“I try not to make those too often or I’ll eat the whole bowl of dough,” Spears says of the chocolate chip cookies she sometimes makes for her sons. Other quotes on her regime and new CD from the latest issue of Shape Magazine:

On her Vegas residency: “I’m working out really hard for my upcoming shows in Vegas. The performances won’t be special – they’ll be a massive party from start to finish. And to pull this off, I have to be in top condition and running at full speed.”

Reverse booty workout: “My favorite way to tone my butt is going in reverse on the treadmill and the elliptical. It targets those muscles that are often overlooked. Yeah, that’s my big secret: Do everything backwards!”  Continue reading “Britney Spears Gets in Shape by Avoiding Giant Bowls Full of Cookie Dough”

Video: Macklemore & Ryan Lewis – “Can’t Hold Us”

Seth Green look-alike Macklemore, known to his friends back at Evergreen State College as Ben Haggerty, bounces and raises his arms like the ceiling is too low for his ego in the long-awaited video for “Can’t Hold Us.” There really should be some sort of background check you have to pass in order to become a rapper.

Like you have to have more than just an OxyContin addiction and a copy of Illmatic…  Continue reading “Video: Macklemore & Ryan Lewis – “Can’t Hold Us””

Video: Big Boi – “Apple Of My Eye” Feat. Jake Troth

Free Outkast-related moment of shamelessness… I love the new Big Boi album Vicious Lies and Dangerous Rumors. I especially love all the songs with Phantogram and the one with Wavves…

I also think it’s amazing that Epic Meal Time baconator Harley Morenstein is randomly in this video.

Continue reading “Video: Big Boi – “Apple Of My Eye” Feat. Jake Troth”

Hip Hop’s Godmother, Sylvia Robinson (March 6, 1936 – September 29, 2011)

Sylvia Robinson, 75, was a woman whose name you may not of heard, but whose work you surely have. She is known as the mother/godmother of hip hop music.

Robinson was the founder and CEO of Sugar Hill Records. She put together The Sugarhill Gang and released their 1979 single “Rapper’s Delight,” which was the first rap song to be commercially recognized by the public.

Sugar Hill Records and Sylvia Robinson also put out Grandmaster Flash’s “The Message,” from the album of the same name, which is unarguably one of the best rap efforts of all time…

Continue reading “Hip Hop’s Godmother, Sylvia Robinson (March 6, 1936 – September 29, 2011)”

Travis Barker Gets A Little Help From Twista, Lil’ Jon and Busta Rhymes On “Let’s Go”

That tattoo hoarding stick-figure drummer for Blink 182, Travis Barker, enlisted the help of Twista, Busta Rhymes, Lil’ Jon AND fellow skinny white boy, Yelawolf, for his latest single off his very first solo album, Give The Drummer Some. 

If you think this video is star-studded, look at the guest list for the CD as a whole, it includes EVERY rap star (not to mention a few rock heavyweights) you can imagine besides Kanye and Jay-Z…

Continue reading “Travis Barker Gets A Little Help From Twista, Lil’ Jon and Busta Rhymes On “Let’s Go””