BREAKING: Amanda Bynes is Disgusting

Amanda Bynes nakedPhotos featured in In Touch Magazine show Amanda Bynes living in squalor, smoking resin on a mattress with no sheet like a born crackhead. Bynes says In Touch “bought fake altered photos” by the “ugly black man” standing behind her.

“That’s not my bed! Those aren’t my toes! My toes are pedicured!” she whined on Twitter.

Obviously Amanda is f*cking with us. She knows we know those are her nasty, unpedicured fungus toes. She’s playing a game that we should not indulge, but it’s really hard not to. She’s like Jigsaw.

—-> Reminds me of this video.<—-

In Touch’s sources (partygoers) describe the apartment that unquestionably belongs to her as “empty” with spray-painted windows. They also say that Amanda is mentally “all over the place.”  Continue reading “BREAKING: Amanda Bynes is Disgusting”

Take a Look at Kim and Kanye’s New 14,000-Square-Foot Love Nest

Kim and Kanye new houseMost expecting couples buy a crib or turn their office into a baby-friendly room with yellow paint and a rubber ducky mobile. Kanye West and Kim Kardashian buy a 14,000-square-foot mansion.

A few weeks ago, the proud parents of an embryo acquired a puny 10,000-square-foot airplane hangar home in Bel Air, which they are expanding because they need room for Kanye’s ego, Kim’s ass and the visiting asses of Khloe and Kourtney.

Their new abode is Italian-themed (because their gondola-riding, spaghetti-loving baby was conceived in Rome) and includes a theater, bowling alley, hair and makeup salon, nursery, basketball court (for Lamar to graze on after the Clippers put him out to pasture), and two pools. Indoor and outdoor.

 

Rihanna’s New Shrub-Surrounded House in L.A. is Pretty Okay

Rihanna mansion 2012Rihanna, who recently posted an Instagram photo of a card that says “Being single sucks,” just bought a $12 million dollar mansion in the Pacific Palisades neighborhood in Los Angeles. If Cribs was still on (if it hasn’t been cancelled, replace “on” with “popular”), they’d show an overly enthusiastic Rihanna waving her arms around in and at the seven bedrooms, nine bathrooms, game room and refrigerator full of MTV-provided soda (that used to be Corona).

“Here’s another room that Chris Brown and I had disgusting sex in…” “There’s the live-in nurse and domestic violence therapist, Hilda.” Whatever.  Continue reading “Rihanna’s New Shrub-Surrounded House in L.A. is Pretty Okay”

Man With Scissors And Candles Arrested At Miley Cyrus’ House

A man armed with scissors (not to be confused with “One Armed Scissor” by At The Drive-In) was arrested outside of Miley Cyrus‘s home on Saturday, but was he trying to kill her, or just fix her hair?

KTLA reports that the intruder was merely an over-exuberant fan named Jason Luis Rivera who told police he just wanted to “see” Miley.

Rivera faces burglary and trespassing charges (he hopped the security gate and lit candles in her yard).

“I am a friend of Miley Cyrus. I am. She’s my wife. Me and Miley have been friends for five years,” he told officers.

Continue reading “Man With Scissors And Candles Arrested At Miley Cyrus’ House”

Too Bad ‘Cribs’ Is No More, Drake’s New House Would Be Perfect

The second most successful Canadian musician of today just bought a $7.7 million dollar (oddly Dutch-looking) mansion complete with a grotto, library, home theater, tennis court, and gigantic wine cellar.

Yes, Drake aka Aubrey Graham aka Jimmy cripple Brooks is living the life of a miniature, more rustic Hugh Hefner. The one thing that’s missing from this absolutely redonkulous house is a boxing ring.

Continue reading “Too Bad ‘Cribs’ Is No More, Drake’s New House Would Be Perfect”

Janice Dickinson Evicted From L.A. home

What is that crazy talking plastic baseball bat Janice Dickinson up to lately? Why, getting evicted from her home of course! The supermodel and reality star (Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency was my favorite) reportedly owes $17,700 in back rent.

That’s three months of stiffed payments (at $5,900 a month) for her 3,000 square foot West LA home. Her landlords have filed a lawsuit, claiming that they gave her a three-day notice to pay or leave on May 7th and she ignored it.

Now they want her to cough up the money and get out. Does this not mirror Courtney Love’s eviction from her NY Townhome last year, but with less setting the drapes on fire, and she owed three times this amount.

If you look at it that way, Janice is responsible. A regular role model… to foster children and bugs.

I Never Felt Sorry For Tiger’s Ex-Wife, But Now I REALLY Don’t

Tiger Woods‘s boring Swedish wife, Elin Nordegren has just reversed any lingering sympathy that people felt for her over the duration of her marriage and divorce in which Tiger cheated on her by sexting various waitresses or promoters or hostesses or whatever they like to be called. They serve you food and get boned by George Clooney, that’s all you need to know.

What did Elin do with her divorce money? She bought a six-bedroom, 9,000 square foot mansion but then decided ‘meh, this house is too low-key for my tastes’ and demolished the whole thing. She obviously took a big loss on the $12 million dollar home, so I kinda hope it was haunted by a billion bloodthirsty ghosts and smelled like rotting flesh.

Continue reading “I Never Felt Sorry For Tiger’s Ex-Wife, But Now I REALLY Don’t”

Nicolas Cage, Almost Penetrated By A Fudgesicle

During a press tour to promote the film Trespass (co-starring Nicole Kidman) Nicolas Cage told the frightening but hilarious tale of a personal home invasion,

“I was living in Orange County in Los Angeles at the time, I was asleep with my wife, my two-year-old at the time was in another room. And I opened my eyes and there was a naked man in my leather jacket eating a Fudgesicle in front of my bed.”

Cage went on to say that he didn’t press charges because the man “wasn’t all there.” (Hmmm, clothes AND brain gone?) And how things could have been much worse for the man,

Continue reading “Nicolas Cage, Almost Penetrated By A Fudgesicle”

Pastry Burglar Breaches Celine Dion’s Home

September 5th, 2011 – a 36 year-old man was caught breaking into Celine Dion’s home in Canada.

Daniel Bedard was arrested on the spot and charged with breaking and entering, property damage and auto theft after being found in the singer’s Montreal mansion.

He tripped the silent alarm, and the police found him eating pastries out of the refrigerator and running himself a bath. (Sounds relaxing)

Continue reading “Pastry Burglar Breaches Celine Dion’s Home”