Bieber Injures Wrist in ATV Crash

Justin bieber four wheelerLast week, wittle baby Justin Bieber climbed up on a big bad four wheeler and hurt his itsy bitsy wrist. Did I mention he was arrested, or that Selena Gomez was there?

A photographer in a minivan reportedly caused the ATV crash in Ontario, but it’s more probable that he sprained his wrist texting, shaking his fist at the paparazzo he got in a fight with or whacking off to pictures of himself.

The weirdest part is that noted lawyer Gloria Allred is getting involved, and at first I thought she was repping Bieber (which would make sense since she’s all about protecting women’s rights), but she’s on team paparazzi, looking to imprison the Biebs in rusty shackles somewhere comparable to where Bane sent Batman, I hope.  Continue reading “Bieber Injures Wrist in ATV Crash”

Harrison Ford Injured by Falcon

Harrison Ford Carrie fisher behind the scenesTwo things I feared when I heard Disney was making new Star Wars movies: 1. They’re going to suck. 2. Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill are really f*cking old.

While reprising his iconic role as Han Solo, 71-year-old Ford fell and broke his ankle on the set in a way that involved the door of the Millennium Falcon either opening or closing or just plain existing. Gwendoline Christie, who plays Brienne of Tarth on Game of Thrones and has been cast as Chewbacca in Star Wars 7 sadly wasn’t around to break his fall.

(She’s not really playing Chewbacca, I’m an asshole and still bitter about getting her in a “Which Game of Thrones woman are you?” quiz instead of The Queen.)  Continue reading “Harrison Ford Injured by Falcon”

Ryan Lochte Can’t Even Lift a Teenage Girl

London Olympics Swimming MenWater caveman Ryan Lochte was injured a few weeks ago in Florida when he failed to catch a fanatical teen girl who jumped into his arms.

It’s especially sad and surprising that Lochte tore not one but TWO ligaments in his knee while attempting to lift a 110-pound girl, because we all assumed he was more brawn than brains, and now we know he’s neither. From ESPN:

COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. — Olympian Ryan Lochte will miss next month’s Duel in the Pool, leaving the U.S. without its top male swimmer for the meet against a team of European all-stars.

Lochte tore a ligament and sprained another in his left knee on Nov. 3 after an excited teenage girl ran at him and the two fell over in Gainesville, Fla.

Maybe he got confused and thought the girl was his long lost daughter? Or a sandwich?

Hundreds Injured, Two Dead in Boston Marathon Bombing

Boston Marathon bombing
Massachusetts police are still trying to determine what happened after two bombs detonated rapidly next to the finish line at the Boston Marathon, killing two and injuring at least a hundred more at around 3:00 p.m.

AP reports that two more explosive devices were found after the initial blast in Copley Square. “There are people who are really, really bloody,” a Toronto woman said while being treated in the medical tent.

Another witness wrote on Twitter that victims “with lost limbs” were wheeled from the scene.  Continue reading “Hundreds Injured, Two Dead in Boston Marathon Bombing”