Female ‘Friends’ Reunited!

 A few things are happening with every 90s kid’s favorite comedy…

Not only is a Central Perk opening in SoHo and serving free coffee in giant cups to customers on the iconic orange couch from Friends, but Jennifer Aniston, Courtney Cox AND Lisa Kudrow stopped by Jimmy Kimmel for a mini reunion in a replica of Monica’s apartment.

In honor of the 20th anniversary of the NBC hit show, Kimmel, as Ross, wrote a scenario where Rachel and the girls praise him for being amazing at making love. …Even Monica… Continue reading “Female ‘Friends’ Reunited!”

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Who is the Bitchiest Queen of All?

Cersei Lanniser, played by the lovely Lena Headey (Keira Knightley with slightly darker hair and a bicep tattoo?) is without question the bitchiest queen of all second only to Elton John.

For proof, check out Lena’s split second transition from laughing demure female celeb on a talk show to cutthroat, wine-drinking devil woman delivering the best verbal low blows of all time straight to Jimmy Kimmel’s heart. Continue reading “Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Who is the Bitchiest Queen of All?”

Mila Kunis Wants Expectant Fathers to Shut Up About Being ‘Pregnant’

A very pregnant, very angry Mila Kunis has an important message for all men [besides that one pregnant man]: unless you’re a seahorse, don’t pat your baby mama’s stomach and say “We’re pregnant!” with a big stupid grin on your face.

Soon, Kunis and the eight ice cream-holding women who joined her will be delivering more than just a touching monologue about the difficulties of men taking credit for nothing…
   
Something watermelon-sized that kicks and screams and projectile craps in your eye.

“When you wake up and throw up is it because you’re nurturing a human life? No. It’s because you had too many shots of tequila. Do you know how many shots of tequila we had?? None. Because we can’t have shots of tequila! We can’t have anything.”

Read: Mila on Pregnancy Cravings: Ashton ‘Stocked Our Fridge With Weird Food’

Funny Video: Mean Tweets, Music Edition

In the latest edition of celebrities reading mean tweets about themselves, Ke$ha is a crack whore, Pharrell looks like a sewer rat, 2 Chainz is Whoopi Goldberg and Lil’ Wayne is a crabapple. Awesome.

Also, Jared Leto totally licked his lips a little when he read the word “dick.”

Earth to Kanye West, A Genius Probably Wouldn’t Call Himself a Genius

Last night on Jimmy Kimmel Live, Kanye West touched on a plethora of unimportant subjects that related to nothing but him and his life because only God knows what’s bigger, his wife’s ass or his head.

During the lengthy interview that every news outlet ever is calling an epic “rant,” Kanye called himself a “genius,” a “messenger” and a “creative,” not realizing that self-applied terms like this consistently make him sound like an untrendy toolbox douchnozzle.

Do you even brain: I’m totally weird, and I’m totally honest, and I’m totally inappropriate sometimes. And the thing is, for me to say I wasn’t a genius, I would just be lying to you and to myself.”

Wow Kanye, you’re totally akin to Joan of Arc!: “I wouldn’t even say that I’m a rapper. I’d say I’m more of a messenger than a rapper.”  Continue reading “Earth to Kanye West, A Genius Probably Wouldn’t Call Himself a Genius”

Twerking YouTube Girl on Fire is a Stuntwoman :(

The  woman who lit herself on fire while twerking against a door (see GIF a few posts down) is actually a stuntwoman in cahoots with Jimmy Kimmel named Daphne Avalon.

Sadly, being in on the joke instantly makes it much less funny. I feel cheated, just like that other time the woman who burned her hand on a curling iron while singing Kreayshawn turned out to be an actress, or the other time the celebrities read the mean tweets that were mostly made up by comedians.

Kimmel pretended to interview the booty-shaking burn victim whose twerk fail video was one of the most popular of the week on his show last night, eventually revealing a director’s cut that featured him putting out the fire (in a matching pink shirt) with an extinguisher. Continue reading “Twerking YouTube Girl on Fire is a Stuntwoman :(“

Funny Video: NBA Players Read Mean Tweets

Real or not, Jimmy Kimmel’s “Mean Tweets” bit helped me realize that Celtics point guard Rajon Rondo looks like the thunderstorm-fearing, molasses pie-loving turtle known as Franklin on Nick Jr.

Actually, Teen Nick (for Degrassi) is the furthest I’ll venture out of my given TV age bracket, but I do know how to use Google. See. I made a side-by-side comparison…
Rajon Rondo turtle

Funny Video: Celebrities Read Mean Tweets #4

“The Celebrities Read Mean Tweets” segment on Jimmy Kimmel Live managed to cause a minor controversy when a writer noted that the tweets were “too funny” to be real.

After researching the past clips and recent one that commented on Jessica Alba’s relevance and the size of Kelly Ripa’s head and Andy Samberg’s nose, she found that a few of the accounts didn’t exist.

Others were suspended or seemed very suspicious because the users had only written one tweet.
Elisabeth Moss mean tweet
Shame on Kimmel and his writers for being too lazy to sort through Twitter.

Funny Video: Coachella Hipsters and Hippies Excited About Bands That Don’t Exist

Fallon may have the edge on Kimmel in the house band and game departments, but Kimmel’s competing side-by-side for viral video segments like the one seen here. (And January’s Matt Damon takeover)

In Coachella edition of Lie Witness News, airhead music fans are asked about various non-existent bands like Dr. Shlomo and the G.I. Clinic, The Chelsea Clintons, and Shorty Jizzle and the Plumbercracks.
Coachella hipster Lie Witness News gif Jimmy KimmelThe bikini and indian headdress-wearing snobs’ first instinct is to say how excited they are to see them perform even though they’ve never heard of them. Watch and laugh till DJ Cornmeal comes out your nose.

Funny Video: I Wanna Channing All Over Your Tatum

Jamie Foxx proved himself the biggest celebrity Channing Tatum fan on Sunday during Jimmy Kimmel’s after the Oscars special. The White House Down co-stars appeared on the show following the debut of the Movie: The Movie: 2V trailer starring everyone from Bruno Mars to Oprah.

“I went from being a slave to the president,” Foxx said of the time between Django and the new secret service action flick, adding, “I have not had that many women call me to try to be on a set in my life.”
Continue reading “Funny Video: I Wanna Channing All Over Your Tatum”

Katie Couric Dodges Larry King Sex Bullet

Katie Couric Larry King kissFollowing Jennifer Lawrence’s lopsided boob story on Jimmy Kimmel, Katie Couric described her epic “date” with Larry King, who is 23 years her senior.

Katie, who was about 30 at the time, had dinner with Larry and noticed afterwards that he was driving towards his place and not hers.

“And I’m like, Dear Cosmo, what do I do?” Couric told Kimmel on Thursday, Jan. 31. “I’m in this crisis situation. I was only 30. I just could not figure out how to extricate myself from it.”

Back at his apartment, which was filled with coffins and other ancient relics, Larry “lunged” for a kiss, but was rejected by a laughing Katie, who kindly told him he was nice and interesting, but she would rather meet someone closer to her age.

Continue reading “Katie Couric Dodges Larry King Sex Bullet”

Matt Damon Gets Revenge on Jimmy Kimmel

Matt Damon Jimmy kimmelAfter years of Jimmy Kimmel teasing his audience with the age-old “My apologies to Matt Damon, we ran out of time” line, plus several cameos including one very memorable song, Matt finally, truly appeared on the show. Kimmel sat bound and gagged in the background as Damon acted as the host, Andy Garcia replaced security guard Guillermo and Sheryl Crow lead the band.

Damon pointed at Kimmel and then at himself saying,”Normally this program is hosted by that, tonight it’s being hosted by this,” and brought Jimmy’s real-life ex-girlfriend Sarah Silverman on the program, who roasted him by saying this about their relationship and why she dated him:  Continue reading “Matt Damon Gets Revenge on Jimmy Kimmel”

Funny Video: Celebrities Read Mean Tweets #3

Jimmy Kimmel released his third “Celebrities Read Mean Tweets” segment on Tuesday to commemorate the six-year anniversary of Twitter existing.

The first two featured recent guests like Justin Bieber, Anna Faris, Snooki, Kristen Stewart and Katy Perry reading grammatically questionable Tweets attacking their character, appearance, and/or career.

Continue reading “Funny Video: Celebrities Read Mean Tweets #3”

Kimmel on Leno: ‘He Was a Master Chef Who Opened a Burger King’

UnknownJimmel Kimmel just dropped a bomb on fellow talk show host Jay Leno.

“As a comedian, you can’t not have disdain for what he’s done. He totally sold out. He was a master chef who opened a Burger King,” he says in the latest issue of Rolling Stone.

Kimmel’s idol, Howard Stern, has been laying into Jay for years without more than a peep of acknowledgment, so it’s unlikely that docile-bag-of-farts Leno will respond to this recent dig.

Also in the mag, Jimmy presents interviewer Jonah Weiner with “a vacuum-sealed baggie bulging with buds the size of baby Brussels sprouts.”

“If we smoke weed right now,” he asks, “is that on the record? I don’t know if I want this in the story, my kids are gonna read this.”

Emilia Clarke’s Uncle Surprised By ‘Game of Thrones’ Nude Scenes

Emilia Clarke brunetteRelax. Isn’t one of those creepy uncle perv stories.

(Not EVERYONE has an inappropriate relative who stirs up a yearly family forum on whether dad’s gross uncle so-and-so deserves an invite to Christmas Eve dinner.)

London-born Emilia Clarke plays Daenerys Targaryen, also known as the Khaleesi and Queen of Dragons, on HBO’s better-than-all-current-onscreen-fantasy Game of Thrones.

On Monday Clarke visited Jimmy Kimmel Live to talk about the third season, which premieres March 31, 2013.

Continue reading “Emilia Clarke’s Uncle Surprised By ‘Game of Thrones’ Nude Scenes”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [9-8-12]

Jimmy Kimmel is a hot Khaleesi, Walter White, and Dowager Countess. (Huffington Post)

Nearly 89 million people are unemployed in America right now. (CNS)

Madonna has a temporary Obama tramp stamp. (Buzzfeed)

Oopsy daisy dukes, Katy Perry broke One Direction’s Moonman (Ace Showbiz)

Chris Brown girlfriend Karrueche Tran mad over Rihanna kiss. (ONTD!)

Another familiar face on American Horror Story, Frances Conroy. (Vulture)

Enrique Iglesias offered spot on American Idol judging panel. (Entertainment Weekly)

MMA’s Jarrod Wyatt pleads guilty to grotesque murder of sparring partner. (Gawker)

Greg Jennings groped in the junk by fans at Lambeau Field. (Yahoo!)

Resident Evil: Retribution‘s Milla Jovovich for Vogue Italia. (Photoshoot)

Video Music Awards had terrible terrible ratings this year. (Spin)

What’s Going On With Charlie Sheen’s Neck?

I should probably feel bad about writing an article on Charlie Sheen‘s HD neck wrinkles in the aftermath of the Colorado shooting. But, I’m only human and can’t stop the flow of “news” stories.

Sheen has been making the rounds, promoting his new show Anger Management (which I hear is a lot like Two And A Half Men minus one and a half of the men).

On Thursday night he visited Jimmy Kimmel looking quite refreshed, except for one thing – his neck. It’s like he’s transferred all the years of drugs, alcohol, stress and vigorous goddess sex out of his face and into the equatorial place where his torso meets his head.  Continue reading “What’s Going On With Charlie Sheen’s Neck?”