Kayaker Emasculated By Harmless Basking Shark

A kayaker near Cape Cod, Massachusetts (Jaws was filmed just South of there) gained national attention after a photo surfaced of him being chased by what was presumed to be a great white shark.

Turns out, the finned stalker off Nauset Beach has recently been identified by a local marine biologist as a basking shark – a very large fish that feeds solely on plankton.

I bet Walter Szulc Jr. (the kayaker) is wishing said specialist would shut his mouth and let him enjoy his moment of heroic glory. Afterall, “I barely escaped from a Great White” sounds better than “Wow, thank god I outpaddled that oversized plankton-eater.”