A Gif Celebration of Gay Marriage Being Legal in Oregon


Throw your Home Depot gift cards in the air like you just don’t care, because gay marriage was just legalized in Oregon, officially making the entire West Coast a haven for men in leather and women in plaid boning in the middle of church and children’s bouncy castles.

And I’m speaking solely from the perspective of Oregonian FB commenters with too much time on their hands. Here’s what one Geoff Davey, voice of all homophobes, wrote:

A GAY RULING BY A SINGLE GAY JUDGE, Real surprise here. Why can’t men be men and women be women anymore, seriously? Is this some kind of evolutionary thing? if it wasn’t for the “wonders” of modern medicine, the human race would be doomed as procreation is not naturally possible through the anus or by one female licking the vagina of another.

Because with 7 billion people on the planet and the environment crumbling as a direct result, we really need to worry about the 15% who might not reproduce. 

Speaking of percentages, Portland seemed pretty happy about the news, and at least 70 couples rushed to the courthouse for licenses since the ban on same-sex marriage was lifted.

As amazing as this is, let’s take a moment to remember Eric Marcoux and Eugene Woodworth, the adorable old man-couple profiled by NPR last year, who were together since 1953 and just barely missed the ruling in their home state.

Not just them, but all the gay rights pioneers, past and present, who paved the way for future generations to not live in fear.  Continue reading “A Gif Celebration of Gay Marriage Being Legal in Oregon”

Four Legit Reasons To Outlaw Public Breastfeeding

Selma Blair possesses a common attitude. On the topic of feeding her son Arthur, she told People“The only time he cries is if he’s hungry, we all have nipples. I don’t care who I offend; my baby wants to eat. If I can’t get a cover over me quick enough, so be it.”

I know I’m going to come off sounding mean. It’s not like she has to go home just because she’s breastfeeding, she can run to the bathroom or maybe a place that is child-sanctioned, like Chuck E. Cheese or Hooters.

I like Selma Blair… Hellboy II is my favorite comic book movie for god’s sake. I even liked when she snogged a ghost in The Fog remake. Regardless, here are my problems with public breastfeeding… Continue reading “Four Legit Reasons To Outlaw Public Breastfeeding”

Justin Bieber Turned 18 And The Internet Didn’t Break (Two Miracles In One)

On March 1, 1994 Justin Bieber was birthed from the sky, floating down to us on a pillow made from virgin hair and maple bars. The day is important to more than just 2 billion preteens who sing “Baby” on their home Karaoke machine nightly.

It’s a big deal for Selena Gomez too! The LAPD no longer have her on their statutory rape watchlist. The two can bone in public (on the beach, the wing of a plane, wherever) instead of a rented out Staples Center with Titanic playing on a projector screen.

Unfortunately no pictures of the Biebs seductively blowing out candles on a penis cake or snorting heroin off Demi Lovato’s elbow have surfaced. The only “surprise” is that he’s buying a mansion and releasing a new single on March 26, co-written by Mike Posner and called “Boyfriend.”  Continue reading “Justin Bieber Turned 18 And The Internet Didn’t Break (Two Miracles In One)”

‘Joustin Beaver’ App Has Right To Parody

Justin Bieber’s legal team are not against people making beaver jokes about their client – until there’s money involved. Lawyers for the bambino are scratching their heads over a new app called “Joustin’ Beaver.”

The cartoon game, created by RC3, follows Joustin’ as he floats down the river and is accosted by hogs. Phot-hogs, plus handing out “otter graphs.” Bieber’s people demand that it be removed from the iTunes app store. They also want records of all revenue collected by RC3, who say,  Continue reading “‘Joustin Beaver’ App Has Right To Parody”

Taylor Swift’s Legal Team Angered By Fake Nude Photo

Taylor Swift’s legal team reportedly sent a letter to the website Celebrity Jihad (they specialize in nude photos and sex scene footage) over a photo that the site claimed was a topless Taylor Swift.

Swift and her legal team are prepared to sue if the picture is not removed. The photo is obviously a fake, it’s merely a girl with curly blonde hair who resembles Taylor, but lacks her angular facial shape. (And dignity)

Continue reading “Taylor Swift’s Legal Team Angered By Fake Nude Photo”