Mirrors Are For Ugly People: Angelina Jolie Shows Up to Premiere With White Stuff all Over Her Face

Angelina and brad The Normal Heart Angelina Jolie white face
Angelina Jolie‘s makeup put-er-on-er let her down in a big way. Jolie arrived at a screening of her husband’s film, The Normal Heart with flour or cocaine all over her cheeks and nobody bothered to tell her!

That’s right, the most beautiful woman in the world forgot to look in a mirror…

Brad probably thought about mentioning it, but was afraid she’d spit venom and then a tail with a stinger would come out from under her dress and burning green venom would fly out of her lips as soon as he did.

You know, method acting to prepare for her role as a giant scorpion in Jurassic World. 

“What looks perfect in normal lighting can appear totally different when you have the harsh lights of flashing cameras on you,” Mark celebrity makeup artist Jamie Greenberg tells Us Weekly. “Many women think you can just touch up with any powder for a red carpet event, but all powders have different finishing textures.”

Mystery of the white woman doing whiteface, solved. Whoever chose that powder has no business working with anyone but people who don’t matter, like the cast of Sharknado 2. And redheads.  Continue reading “Mirrors Are For Ugly People: Angelina Jolie Shows Up to Premiere With White Stuff all Over Her Face”

Shailene Woodley’s Naturopathic, Organic Lifestyle is Refreshing and Oddly Charming

Shailene Woodley Flaunt 2013
Shailene Woodley is one of my people. Like the daughter of one of my mom’s friends, foraging for roots and saving mouse bones and and analyzing owl poop. You know her, right?

She played Clooney’s troublemaking daughter in The Descendants and the goody two-shoes girlfriend in the realistic and touching no-nonsense indie drama The Spectacular Now. She’s also been cast as Mary Jane in the third Amazing Spider-Man movie.

I’m not saying she’s a serial killer with that bone and poop stuff, to be clear. I’m saying she’s a lovable, wonderfully eccentric hippie who cares about the earth and being spiritual without judging anyone and not leaving a carbon footprint and all that other stuff that seems so cheesy and kind of makes you want to puke because you know you’re inferior and couldn’t live without 2% beef and 98% possum organ Taco Bell meat.

Here’s a word about her not-very-American eating and living habits, from Flaunt:

I think everything about my lifestyle is fairly alternative,” says the star. “I gather my own spring water from mountains every month. I go to a farm to get my food. I make everything from my own toothpaste to my own body lotions and face oils.”

Woodley continued, “I make my own medicines; I don’t get those from doctors. I make my own cheese and forage wild foods and identify wild plants. It’s an entire lifestyle. It’s appealing to my soul.”

You go girl. Rubbing mercury on your face is no bueno. Put a stick in cancer’s spokes and let the sweet sweet dirty brown chicken eggs enter your basket.
Woodley Flaunt b&w
Nothing sexual going on here at all. I would say it’s one hippie to another but I eat way too much candy and light milk anti-antioxidant chocolate to identify as anything but a gluttonous technology-addicted slob.

Emilia Clarke and Five Other Entertainers Who Look Stunning Without Makeup

Emilia Clarke no makeup
Brunette Emilia Clarke, best known as Daenerys of House Targaryen on Game of Thrones, posted this beautiful bare-faced photo to her personal Facebook page 4/09/13.
Rihanna no makeup
Rihanna, who prefers bright lipstick to excessive foundation and eyeliner, often gives fans a glimpse of her natural self on Instagram.
Demi Lovato no makeup
The X-Factor judge and “Heart Attack” singer Demi Lovato encouraged her Twitter followers to “be brave” and take off their makeup earlier this month. Continue reading “Emilia Clarke and Five Other Entertainers Who Look Stunning Without Makeup”

Ron Perlman Is A Badass And A Hell Of A Guy

Ron Perlman, more recently known as bike gang-leader Clay Morrow on Sons Of Anarchy, put on the makeup of the character he is perhaps most famous for – Hellboy.

Not for a sequel but for the Make-A-Wish foundation.

The makeup effects studio Spectral Motion (who did the original effects) came together with the silver-headed actor at the request of a young boy named Zachary to fulfill his wish of meeting and becoming the unconventional superhero created by Mike Mignola in 1993.

It was not mentioned what illness Zachary has, but the foundation only grants wishes to kids with life-threatening conditions. Continue reading “Ron Perlman Is A Badass And A Hell Of A Guy”

Gossip Clown Beth Ditto Has A Makeup Line With MAC

Beth Ditto, frontwoman for the Northwest rock/electronic band Gossip (formerly The Gossip) has her own cosmetic line with MAC.

This is a woman who promotes a “healthy” body image to the point of it reminding me of fundamentalist Christians (though her girlfriend, Kristin Ogata, is pretty tiny).

She applies her own makeup like a traveling circus performer, eyebrows all thin and surprised like Mischa Barton after she left The O.C. and nobody called her.  Continue reading “Gossip Clown Beth Ditto Has A Makeup Line With MAC”

Taylor Swift Looks Underage Without Makeup

Taylor Swift floated through LAX early yesterday morning looking like a J-Crew kids model with not a stitch of makeup on.

I love that she’s the one rail-thin celebrity who doesn’t have eating disorder comments thrown her way. Blame it on youth and great genetics.

What is that she’s carrying, a keyboard? The clarity of her skin makes me think it’s a min-coffin full of age-defying cream, lotion and green tea face masks.

Oh, and maybe a jar of souls, you know, because everyone has secrets.  Continue reading “Taylor Swift Looks Underage Without Makeup”

Snooki With No Makeup! Still Looks Chilean Volcanotastic

Any excuse to write about Snooki and I am there like hair on a Skyrim mammoth. Random unrelated Skyrim question – why can you not collect the pelt of a mammoth? If the game lets you take the fur from rabbits, foxes, bears, wolves and more then why not medieval elephants for Azura’s sake!??

Back to Snooki, who has about as much to do with Skyrim as I do with relevant, intelligent journalism….She snapped two pictures of herself with not a stitch of makeup on and looks great, better in fact than when she slaps on fake Charo eyelashes and green eyeshadow.

Continue reading “Snooki With No Makeup! Still Looks Chilean Volcanotastic”

White Hockey Player Raffi Torres Dresses As Jay-Z

Over the years we’ve seen many a white man covered in “blackface” makeup for various forms of imitation. Unfunny Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder, Fred Armisen as Obama or even the reversal black-to-white transformation, made by Marlon and Shawn Wayans in White Chicks.

People still seem to get outraged every time, even when it’s a non-scandalous homage. Like Phoenix Coyotes left wing Raffi Torres, a player known for his spunk and defensive offense, dressing up like Jay-Z for Halloween.

His wife Gianna went as Beyonce, with a baby bump and everythang. People are stark-raving mad, but it isn’t a big deal. The guy is an admitted and devoted fan.

Continue reading “White Hockey Player Raffi Torres Dresses As Jay-Z”

Is It Sick That I Like A Selena Gomez Song?

The other day I was listening to the radio (gasp) to be specific pop radio (double gasp) and I heard a song that I thought was catchy, so I tapped my foot and whatnot. Then at the end the announcer was like “…That’s the latest song from Selena Gomez, ‘Love You Like A Love Song.'”

Ouch. Even though it sounds like some Miley Cyrus single from Can’t Be Tamed and she looks like a tall version of one of those Toddlers & Tiaras children, with her perm and multi-colored eyeshadow, I kinda of liked it. A LITTLE BIT! Not a ton.

Continue reading “Is It Sick That I Like A Selena Gomez Song?”

Kristen Stewart’s W Magazine Photos

Ever since I saw that atrocious horror movie The Messengers I’ve been a fan of Kristen Stewart’s, people only dislike her because of Twilight and the fact that she’s shy? What assholes.

In Stewart’s recent W Magazine spread, she’s looking vintage ummmm, help me name a 40’s actress that she resembles? Susan Hayward? Clara Bow? Elizabeth Taylor? Somebody who has their hair and eye makeup together.

Continue reading “Kristen Stewart’s W Magazine Photos”