A Gif Celebration of Gay Marriage Being Legal in Oregon


Throw your Home Depot gift cards in the air like you just don’t care, because gay marriage was just legalized in Oregon, officially making the entire West Coast a haven for men in leather and women in plaid boning in the middle of church and children’s bouncy castles.

And I’m speaking solely from the perspective of Oregonian FB commenters with too much time on their hands. Here’s what one Geoff Davey, voice of all homophobes, wrote:

A GAY RULING BY A SINGLE GAY JUDGE, Real surprise here. Why can’t men be men and women be women anymore, seriously? Is this some kind of evolutionary thing? if it wasn’t for the “wonders” of modern medicine, the human race would be doomed as procreation is not naturally possible through the anus or by one female licking the vagina of another.

Because with 7 billion people on the planet and the environment crumbling as a direct result, we really need to worry about the 15% who might not reproduce. 

Speaking of percentages, Portland seemed pretty happy about the news, and at least 70 couples rushed to the courthouse for licenses since the ban on same-sex marriage was lifted.

As amazing as this is, let’s take a moment to remember Eric Marcoux and Eugene Woodworth, the adorable old man-couple profiled by NPR last year, who were together since 1953 and just barely missed the ruling in their home state.

Not just them, but all the gay rights pioneers, past and present, who paved the way for future generations to not live in fear.  Continue reading “A Gif Celebration of Gay Marriage Being Legal in Oregon”

Robin Wright is Ben Foster’s Future Bride

Ben foster and robin wrightI’m a apparently very behind on the celebrity dating rumor mill, because Ben Foster and Robin Wright have been a couple for two years and are now engaged and I had no idea they even knew each other.

It seems a little random, but it also makes me happy because I like them both, especially him in Alpha Dog and on Six Feet Under and her with anyone besides that grumpy, smile-challenged Hobbit Sean Penn.

There’s also a 14-year-age difference which gives me faith my own 8-year-difference. (Like Wright, I’m the old cougar/snapping tortoise.) He’s 33 and she’s 47, in case you were wondering.

Wright, who met Foster on the set of Rampart in 2011, is reportedly super “excited” to plan her wedding. Yay. Confirmation that she’s a human woman! (Am I a man for having nightmares about Kelly Clarkson singing “every ball needs a chain” in a wedding dress?)

Khloe Kardashian Finally Filed For Divorce

We all predicted a Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom divorce as soon as we all heard they got married after only dating for one month, but we were wrong. The marriage lasted a good four years and didn’t end because they merely got sick of each other like so many other boring celebrity romances.

This one is officially ending after Lamar fell back into the arms of his old love, crack cocaine. Not to mention him driving down the wrong side of the road drunk and recording shirtless rap songs about cheating on Khloe. And of course, these are all things that were made painfully public, giving Khloe a handful of legitimate reasons to GTFO.

His eyes have been more glazed than Krispy Kreme since the loss of his NBA career (specifically with the Lakers) and I’m sure his dark past (drug-addicted father, mother died when he was 12) didn’t help.

Continue reading “Khloe Kardashian Finally Filed For Divorce”

Waxwork Figure Breaks Up With Vampire

Courtney Stodden church clevage
Courtney Stodden, the young Playboy playmate that never was, has confirmed her separation from her actor husband Doug Hutchison, who she married when was just 16.

Stodden, 19, and Hutchinson, 53, say they remain “best friends” and will still share custody of their dog, Dourtney, despite moving on. From Us Weekly:

After two and a half years of marriage, Courtney and Doug have decided to become legally separated,” Stodden, 19, and Hutchison, 53, said in a statement to the Daily Mail on Tuesday, Nov. 5. “Courtney was married at a young age. Now, at nineteen, she’s interested in exploring life as an unmarried single young adult — with the freedom to explore her independence.”  Continue reading “Waxwork Figure Breaks Up With Vampire”

Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom Remain Best Friends After Breakup

Miranda Kerr Orlando Bloom 2013 Promising news for those of you wondering if you can ever actually stay friends with your ex: super mature and beautiful former couple Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom were seen strolling around the chilly streets of New York laughing arm-in-arm with their two-year-old son in tow just days after the world wept over their split.

The Aussie model whose boobs famously lagged out of her shirt earlier this year and British star of nothing recent confirmed the amicable separation on Thursday.

“Despite this being the end of their marriage, they love, support and respect each other as both parents of their son and as family,” a joint statement released to E! by Bloom’s rep read.  Continue reading “Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom Remain Best Friends After Breakup”

Kanye Begged Kim to Marry Him on a Jumbotron

Kanye and Kim proposal
Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are just soooo unconventional with this whole getting married after childbirth thing, because it’s always best not to rush things when you already have a baby together, right?

In true Kanye fashion, West hired a 50-piece orchestra to serenade her with a Keri Hilson song he’s featured on at AT&T Park in San Francisco while the words “PLEEEASE MARRY MEEE!!!” scrolled across the jumbotron. The ring, seen above, is a 15-carat diamond designed by Lorraine Schwartz, who helped his buddy Jay-Z put a ring on Beyonce. (Blake Lively’s rock from Ryan Reynolds too.)  Continue reading “Kanye Begged Kim to Marry Him on a Jumbotron”

Scarlett Johansson: Engaged and Extraterrestrial

Scarlett Johansson ring fianceThere are multiple ScarJo stories floating around this week, one being that she is engaged again. This time to a Frenchman instead of that no-good Canadian Romeo Ryan Reynolds.

The guy’s name is Romain Dauriac, and he has been providing her with many diamonds and boat outings over the course of their 10-month relationship.

Johansson also appears in the new teaser for Under The Skin, where she plays “an alien from an unidentified place who uses sex — or, at least, the promise of it — to lure men off the streets and to their deaths,” according to the Los Angeles Times.

Continue reading “Scarlett Johansson: Engaged and Extraterrestrial”

Man Proposes To Girlfriend Using Imgur, Reddit and DeviantART

Game of thrones proposal meme ringSome really sweet, really progressive guy (Reddit user name: SirTechnocracy) asked his live-in girlfriend to marry him using an album of handmade memes on Imgur, plus 18 drawings of proposals he commissioned from DeviantART, one for each month they’ve been together.

LadyTechnocracy responded to raised eyebrows over the unconventional (*creative*) method by saying “This is honestly the most romantic thing someone has ever done for me. The advice animals crack me up.”

Awww. The internet used properly, without fetish porn or hateful trolls? You crazy kids give me hope.

Kim Kardashian 100% Divorced From Andre The Giant

Kris Humprhies Kim Kardashian celebratingDoes Kim Kardashian matter on a day like today, with what’s going on in Waco and Boston?

No. But this is a gossip website and I’m shallow, interested in distraction and not sure what to say about Massachusetts until they catch the guy.

The breadwinner of the Jenner and Kardashian Klan’s 72-day marriage to mumbling oaf Kris Humphries was finally dissolved after over a year of haggling and claims of fraud.

Now’s a great time to guess who she’s going to marry next and order discounted bottles of her limited edition failure-scented “wedding fragrance.”

Hugh Jackman’s Wife Takes Issue With You Thinking He’s Gayer Than a Box of Rainbows

Hugh Jackman gayHugh Jackman has the chest hairs and bulging veins of a young Susan Boyle, the voice of a harp-playing angel, and charm worthy of The Rat Pack – but that does not mean he’s gay.

Like Tom Cruise, John Travolta and Matthew Broderick, Jackman has been at the center of many a homoerotic whisper ever since he sang songs like “Bi-coastal” in the Broadway production of The Boy From Oz.

A contrasting role as cigar-smoking man’s man Logan/Wolverine in X-Men and 17 years of marriage to Deborra-Lee Furness, who he met on a TV set 1994, has done nothing to convince the disbelievers.

“Just recently, it bugs her,” Jackman told The Hollywood Reporter, of Furness’ feelings on the matter. “She goes, ‘It’s big. It’s everywhere [on the Internet]! ”  Continue reading “Hugh Jackman’s Wife Takes Issue With You Thinking He’s Gayer Than a Box of Rainbows”

Jeremy Shockey Out $15,000 For Posting Photo of His Ex-Wife’s Tight End?

Jeremy Shockey Daniela CortazarFormer Giants and Saints Super Bowl champion Jeremy Shockey’s soon-to-be ex-wife Daniela Cortazar is asking for $15,000 because of an Instagram photo of her bare bottom that supposedly violates a privacy provision in the prenup.

These two lovebirds spent a handful of last year’s months batting their eyelashes at each other and Tweeting photos from the bed they couldn’t be bothered to leave.

Suddenly, Shockey decided Cortazar was insane and filed for divorce, claiming the marriage was “irretrievably broken.” (Posting the booty pic after the fact because he still thinks she’s hot and/or wanted to humiliate her?)

Continue reading “Jeremy Shockey Out $15,000 For Posting Photo of His Ex-Wife’s Tight End?”

‘Terrible Husband’ Fred Armisen Talks Elisabeth Moss Marriage

Fred Armisen Howard Stern interviewAfter divorcing husband of eight months Fred Armisen, Mad Men star Elisabeth Moss once saidOne of the greatest things I heard someone say about him is, ‘He’s so great at doing impersonations. But the greatest impersonation he does is that of a normal person.”

Armisen opened up about his relationship with Moss and [former] fellow SNL cast member Abby Elliott to Howard Stern on Thursday, Jan. 3. “I think I was a terrible husband, I think I’m a terrible boyfriend,” he admitted. 

“Little by little I’m sort of learning to fix that, I’m not settled in on being a bad boyfriend. I think I get very caught up in the beginning.”  Continue reading “‘Terrible Husband’ Fred Armisen Talks Elisabeth Moss Marriage”

Hugh Hefner marries 26-year-old runaway bride

Hugh and CrystalOn New Year’s Eve, PJ-wearing Crypt Keeper Hugh Hefner married Courtney Stodden’s Jesus, Crystal Harris.

In 2011 Crystal called off her wedding to Hef because she thought all that lube would be bad for her psoriasis. Being the business man that he was, Hef stuck a “Runaway Bride Edition” on her cover story as Crystal just happened to be featured on the cover that month.

The gold digger had also admitted on the Howard Stern show that sex with Hef lasted ‘like two seconds’, adding: ‘Then I was just over it. I just like, walked away. I’m not turned on by Hef, sorry.’

What do you expect when you let an octogenarian into your vagina? That’s like saying, “I went to dinner with a Chinese guy but he was too into rice.”

Continue reading “Hugh Hefner marries 26-year-old runaway bride”

Kourtney Kardashian Finally Said ‘Yes’ To Scott Disick?

Looks like the romance of Paris may have gotten to Kourtney Kardashian.

Always unreliable Star Magazine reports that Scott Disick asked his two-time baby mama of over five years to marry him for the billionth time and she said YES.

“We’re all so thrilled they’ve finally decided to get engaged,” Scott’s loudmouth auntie Laurie told the publication. “We’re all so fond of Kourtney, and we wish them a long, happy marriage.”

The ring was purchased in October at Florida’s Levinson Jewelers.

Coming up on E! – the ring, the proposal, and take after take of Kourtney looking surprised on top of the Eiffel Tower.

Billy Ray Cyrus Says Miley Is Having THREE Weddings

Today on The Miley Cyrus Show, Billy Ray shares details on Miley’s weddings. Paris Hilton has been known to have multiple birthday parties and polygamists have group marriages, but few venture into the triple wedding region.

Sadly Miley is not marrying both Chris and Liam Hemsworth, this isn’t Savages, and Thor’s hammer is stuck in foreign crevices.

“Now, the couple are going to have no less than three weddings,” Billy Ray told Us Weekly.

Details not known to dad: date of wedding, location, seating info and how his invitation suddenly got lost.

Back in September, Tennessee chipmunk Barbie, real name: Destiny Hope said, “I’m really excited to obviously get married, but I kind of already feel married.”  Continue reading “Billy Ray Cyrus Says Miley Is Having THREE Weddings”

Jessica Simpson’s Mom Files For Divorce As Husband Cuddles With 20-Year-Old Cabana Boy

Jessica Simpson‘s mom Tina filed for divorce from Joe Simpson sometime last month after 34 years of marriage due to “discord or conflict of personalities.”

The super unreliable National Enquirer is reporting that the “discord” translates to Joe coming out of the closet to the entire family. According to Radar, 54-year-old Joe doesn’t waste any time…

A source says that he has a “20-something boy toy,” and that they were in fact in the car together on August 4 when Joe was arrested for DUI in California.

You’re telling me the guy who used the word “sexy” three times in one sentence to describe his daughter and  her “double D’s” is actually gay?  Continue reading “Jessica Simpson’s Mom Files For Divorce As Husband Cuddles With 20-Year-Old Cabana Boy”

Chinese Businessman Offers $65 Million To Any “Kind-Hearted Man” Who Will Marry His Lesbian Daughter

Notorious lothario and Hong Kong shipping tycoon Cecil Chao is willing to cough up $65 million dollars to the first man that he deems worthy of marrying his daughter.

Here’s the thing, his daughter, 33-year-old Gigi Chao, is a lesbian who has been in a committed relationship with her partner for seven years. She’s also begging her father to “rescind the notice” for his “family’s sanity’s sake.”

Chao senior has reportedly received thousands of proposals.

“People send me letters, emails and faxes. I haven’t had time to read them yet. I’ll have to discuss it with Gigi,” Cecil told the South China Morning Post newspaper.  Continue reading “Chinese Businessman Offers $65 Million To Any “Kind-Hearted Man” Who Will Marry His Lesbian Daughter”