There’s a lady doctor and a lady firefighter and some other random businesswoman being oddly sexual at the workplace like opening their mouths and tilting their heads back for no reason and while I’m waiting for them to bang I realize that they’re not lesbians, they’ve just seen Whip-It one too many times and want to knock each other out on a roller derby rink.
Basically, as I’d expected, the video is super cliche, just in a different way. It also doesn’t star Juliette Lewis OR Ellen Page and is therefore a complete waste of my time.
A spokesperson for RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) are calling the video – which features Adam Levine creeping on real-life wifey/10,000th-model-he’s-bedded Behati Prinsloo – “a dangerous depiction of a stalker’s fantasy.”
I, on the other hand, believe that the majority of people have enough sense to differentiate harmless, horror-themed imagery from instructions on how to stalk and kill women, but then again, they are watching Maroon 5 videos in their spare time…
I personally found the video of him making babies with Minka Kelly more upsetting.
(Not sure if bad kisser or intentionally slobbering to make video grosser…?)
The oldest butt and the newest joined forces for a song called, get ready for it, “Booty.” A middle-eastern tune best served after repeated viewings of Nicki Minaj’s “Anaconda,” the “Dance (Ass)” remix and Kim Kardashian’s entire Instagram.
Seriously, how many simple-minded men have to die of heart problems all so Jennifer Lopez can feel superior to Kim and Nicki?
You know she came up with this concept after turning around in the mirror asking Evil Queen-style who has the roundest derriere of all? Continue reading “Stand by for Maximum Butts: J-Lo and Iggy Azalea Made a Video Together…”
It’s about a scoundrel who “comes back” after cheating, but instead of being a weak ass weak sauce bad-guy-taker-backer, she breaks his dishes, dissects his flatscreen with a guitar and lights his ride on fire. With a little help from her friends, of course. Continue reading “Video: Ella Eyre – “Comeback””
Also, a link to an interview explaining how Yolandi’s pet rats
“raped” each other multiplied like crazy on the set of the “Evil Boy” video. And a Gaga drag queen being eaten by a lion.
“Pitbull Terrier” (no relation to J-Lo’s Pitbull) features more animal-centric freakiness involving blood spatter, people dressed as cats and dogs, and a real rat dressed as nothing.
“Love Never Felt So Good” for Justin Timberlake, who snaps his fingers while younger folks dance up a storm in front of old footage of Michael.
The next song from Jackson’s posthumous album Xscape will feature Tupac and John Denver.
What’s the most interesting about Justin Timberlake these days anyway? That he shares a barber with Brad Pitt or that you could pour syrup in his brow crease without any falling out?
Read: Michael Jackson Hologram Rocks Billboard Music Awards: Go Behind the Scenes
From Eminem, Spike Lee and Nate Ruess from .fun, with love to Debbie Mathers. Your son is all grown up and ready to hate you a little less than he used to…
But what the hell do bad mothers without famous sons have to look forward to?
She’s an entire year younger than Miley Cyrus, dirtier than Ke$ha and applies eyeliner with a paint roller. I feel the same way about her that some women do about sweaty James Franco selfies. It’s harder to admit that you sometimes find this person attractive than it is to masturbate to American Horror Story: Asylum.
This video for “Heaven Knows” is a few months old, but attention-grabbing. I mean, one second she’s harmonizing with a bunch of children and the next she’s ripping her clothes off… Continue reading “Video: The Pretty Reckless – “Heaven Knows””
Like Charlize Theron, Perry loves ugling herself up for the sake of her art. She’s also ten million acres of firework and whipped cream trucks out of the league of every guy she dates, but that’s another story.
In the “Birthday” video, a sort of follow-up to “Last Friday Night,” she’s unrecognizable as 4 of the 5 characters of different genders and religions (the Bar Mitzvah DJ is the ultimate f*ck you to daddy) she plays.
The queen of pretension (she let someone vomit on her at SXSW in the name of “creative rebellion”) really outdoes herself this time. An 8 minute video with 3 minutes of credits? The sheer laziness of this makes me want to jump into an active volcano.
Did I mention that she brings Michael Jackson, Jesus and Gandhi back from the dead? Continue reading “Video: Lady Gaga – “G.U.Y.””
Oh he so horny, yeah he want to f*ck
He popped all my buttons, and he ripped my blouse
He Monica Lewinsky’d all on my gown
Oh there daddy, daddy didn’t bring the towel
Oh baby baby we betta slow it down
(By performing, I mean bedazzling her funbags and wearing floppy hats and elaborate lingerie that could only be undone by a Greek God with an industrial chainsaw. ) Continue reading “Video: Beyoncé – Partition (Explicit)”
In true Ke$ha fashion, she humps the air, covers her face to contain demonic laughter, slurps whip cream cans and balances her drunk self on a chain link fence.
For some reason, Iggy Pop’s random verse about Rick Santorum in a v-neck sweater that was included on her Warrior CD is missing. You know it’s a bad sign when the scraggliest heroin addict in town regrets working with you.
Her vagina is a glitter piñata and her body is 72% vodka. Raise a toast with your tuna martinis (tunatinis?) and try to avoid a fish hangover upon pressing the play button. Continue reading “Ke$ha Gyrates Lazily in ‘Dirty Love’ Video”
The massive pearly white chompers – along with the nose, shoulders and unhappy trail – are apparently Miley’s erogenous zones. ..The more you know.
In “Perfume” Britney is the other woman, singing “I hope she smells my perfume” and “I want it all over you, I’m gonna mark my territory.” All because of some bitch named Cindy.
OF COURSE Britney strips down to sexy granny panties and sprays Fantasy all over her stomach.
“Team” is as good as anything from Pure Heroine, and Lorde (pronounced “Lord,” real name: Ella Yelich-O’Connor) and her friends drink out of milk cartons and bounce around in boat yards in the video.
She’s actually so insanely popular that “Team” crashed the living crap out of YouTube.