Tim Tebow Cut From Patriots For Sucking at Life

tebow patriotsFormer Gators and Jets maverick Tim Tebow has been cut from his current team, The New England Patriots because he completely failed to impress Bill Belichick with his chesticles and gay bar-friendly face.

The no-trick pony that somehow led the Broncos to the playoffs early last year was not chosen to even be a backup quarterback to the equally good looking and far more gifted Tom Brady.

“I would like to thank Mr. Kraft, Coach Belichick, Coach McDaniels and the entire Patriots organization for giving me the opportunity to be a part of such a classy organization,” Tebow wrote on Twitter. “I pray for nothing but the best for you all. I will remain in relentless pursuit of continuing my lifelong dream of being an NFL quarterback.”

Some other team will likely pick him up and drop him faster than a baby with a unibrow. I hear the Bengals need a few new cheerleaders…

Someone’s Been Hasslin’ the Hoff

Things have been heavy around here the past few days, and rightfully so. Life sometimes hits you like a ton of bricks and beats you bloodier than Rocky Balboa at the end of his eponymous first movie. We’ve all been affected in some way by the brutal shooting in Colorado. Some, obviously, more than others. We all will have to find our own ways to deal with this tragedy.

Well, with that said, let’s lighten things up a bit, shall we?

Apparently, hundreds of cardboard cutouts of David Hasselhoff have been stolen from the New England area. Yeah, I don’t get it either. The Hoff has lent his image to Cumberland Farms to sell iced coffee. I guess cold caffeine and wrinkled, leathery skin go hand-in-hand.

Continue reading “Someone’s Been Hasslin’ the Hoff”

Hey Gamers, Chad Ochocinco Wants To Live With You

Famously eccentric, newly-appointed Patriots wide receiver has made a new and semi-hilarious statement. After being asked about his new-found Boston surroundings he replied casually,

“I’m going to do something different, I’m actually going to stay with a fan for the first two, three weeks of the season,” Chad said after today’s practice. “That should be fun, until I get myself acclimated and learn my way around.”

The lady reporter proceeded to ask him if he was being serious and he responded by saying, “Have I ever lied to you before?”

Then went on to add,

“I’m not sure how it’s going to work, but they have to have Internet and have to have Xbox…That’s about it.”

I think he’s serious and I think he’ll do it, he’s been known to pull crazy stunts for media attention, to expanding the visibility of his brand. This trade to The Patriots obviously isn’t going to make him any tamer, same old Chad Johnson I remember, Twitter-joking, reality-show-having, bull-riding comedian that we all know and love. Or hate? Either way.

Hello roomie, let's play Call of Duty: Black Ops. No I don't have any pants, are you crazy?

 

 

 

 

 

Watch Chad’s interview HERE on ESPN.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Chad Ochocinco Johnson, XBOX Live Gamertag = esteban 85, too bad his friends list is fuller than cannibalistic Kirstie Alley]