Sarah Silverman on Vape Pens, The Emmys, Drunks and Bush Water

Sarah Silverman Howard Stern show 2014After listening to Sarah Silverman on Howard Stern for the zillionth time, I’m realizing that the woman famous for lines like “I don’t care if you think I’m racist, I just want you to think I’m thin,” is not only hilarious, but also kind of on the top of my previously non-existent list of celebrities I’d actually want to spend time with.

On the Stern Show (September 23), real role model and imaginary bestie Silverman managed to transform stories on superficial things like dating Michael Sheen, showering under her mother’s bush and vape pens into hilarious well-worded wisdom on aging and body image.

On her infamous, random Emmys speech:

I’m always obsessed with the thought that we are hurling through space right now.

Getting older:

I’m in training for the rest of my life to be able to walk without pain. I just want to be healthy.

My skin is the loosest it’s ever been, and it’s only gonna get looser.

Her scene in Masters of Sex, starring boyfriend Michael Sheen:

Ever since I turned 40 I’ve been naked in things. It’s just a human body and I just kind of am over it.

Sheen’s ex-wife, Kate Beckinsale:

You know what, it’s more like ‘Oh my God, look at all these beautiful women and he loves ME.

He and Kate are like brother and sister. I love her, she’s hilarious.


Marijuana vs. Alcohol:

People made a really big deal about it, and I feel like in a few years it won’t be a big deal. Listen, I think of myself as a stoner but the truth is, I’m a total lightweight. I’ll have a puff or two puffs at the end of the night and it’s so funny that’s such a big deal because I’m literally milling around with drunk terrifying people. Drunk people are so scary to me. I don’t even want to make eye contact with them, it’s trouble. They’re trouble. If you look at them the wrong way all their fears come to the surface. You know when drunk people go ‘Oh you think you’re better than me?’ and it’s like, ‘No, that’s what you feel and it’s coming out,’ you know?

I’m not someone who’s like, gonna crusade to legalize pot. It’s not important enough to me, but it is ridiculous. It should be legal. All that shit should be legal.

Continue reading “Sarah Silverman on Vape Pens, The Emmys, Drunks and Bush Water”

12 Inspiring Nelson Mandela Quotes to Recite During Hard Times

Nelson Mandela freedom fistAfrica’s most peaceful and influential leader may no longer be with us, but his legacy lives on in the country he worked so hard to free, the various charities organizations he founded, and finally, his words.

Here are some quotes from Nelson Mandela – who died on Thursday in Johannesburg at the ripe age of 95 – to memorize, recite and live by:

1. “May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.”

2. “No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”  Continue reading “12 Inspiring Nelson Mandela Quotes to Recite During Hard Times”

Earth to Kanye West, A Genius Probably Wouldn’t Call Himself a Genius

Last night on Jimmy Kimmel Live, Kanye West touched on a plethora of unimportant subjects that related to nothing but him and his life because only God knows what’s bigger, his wife’s ass or his head.

During the lengthy interview that every news outlet ever is calling an epic “rant,” Kanye called himself a “genius,” a “messenger” and a “creative,” not realizing that self-applied terms like this consistently make him sound like an untrendy toolbox douchnozzle.

Do you even brain: I’m totally weird, and I’m totally honest, and I’m totally inappropriate sometimes. And the thing is, for me to say I wasn’t a genius, I would just be lying to you and to myself.”

Wow Kanye, you’re totally akin to Joan of Arc!: “I wouldn’t even say that I’m a rapper. I’d say I’m more of a messenger than a rapper.”  Continue reading “Earth to Kanye West, A Genius Probably Wouldn’t Call Himself a Genius”

Courtney Love on Howard Stern Highlights 5/30/13

Courtney Love Howard Stern 2013Regular Stern Show guest Courtney Love is one of Howard’s most fascinating interviews because she’s one of the last completely candid survivors of the grunge movement. She’s such an endless resource of drug and sex-related stories that transcribing nearly an hour of her comments on everything from money to her Sylvia Plath moment with Ted Nugent’s penis turkey neck didn’t bore me in the least.

The curse of the Nirvana money: “The Kurt money, the Nirvana money it’s like… the Nirvana money… and it’s being managed by other people and I just consider it cursed. So I prefer to make money that’s ‘the Courtney money.’

Krist and Dave’s share: “They own one half. The Nirvana LLC, which is t-shirts … Frances has 40% of the publishing money. Then I sold 25% and I had a really, really lousy lawyer. I don’t have to say his name so I don’t have to say ‘alleged.’ He was a f*ck. Lawyers tend to be f*cks, especially in L.A.”  Continue reading “Courtney Love on Howard Stern Highlights 5/30/13”

Lena Dunham Talks Racism, Nudity, Jodie Foster, Heels and Body Image with Howard Stern

Lena Dunham howard SternLena Dunham called in to The Howard Stern Show on the 16th, covering a plethora of topics including her own nudity, the lack of nudity from the other female cast members on Girls, the ethnicity controversy, and Howard’s original and new opinion of her and the show.

Dunham said she first found out about Howard’s criticism of her while sitting backstage at The Today Show with British co-star Jemima Kirke and that she “thought it was funny” that he compared her to Jonah Hill (she returned the favor by comparing him to her presumably feisty Grandma Dot).  Continue reading “Lena Dunham Talks Racism, Nudity, Jodie Foster, Heels and Body Image with Howard Stern”

Celebrity Reactions To Madonna’s Pterodactyl Nip

Madonna flashed her nipple in Istanbul, Turkey, on June 7 while performing “Human Nature” and everyone seems to have their own opinion on the matter. Either she’s too old, desperate and gross or people are too uptight, and it’s no surprise.

I think there are no 53 year-old nipple anywhere in existence that I’m interested in seeing. And it is desperate, she’s a mom. That “Oops!..I Did It Again” face is as old as the mammary gland itself.

Here’s what a few fellow celebs had to say about Madonna’s MDNA tour stunt:

“There is nothing sexual about that titty and that shoulder. That’s an old titty…I guess she thinks it’s sexy…Looks like a beanbag with a nipple, that breast.”   -Howard Stern  Continue reading “Celebrity Reactions To Madonna’s Pterodactyl Nip”

‘Fifty Shades Of Grey’ Excerpts (NSFW)

Fact: E.L. James (penname of Erika Leonard) once used the name Snowqueens Icedragon. Her bestselling typo-ridden erotica novels, the Fifty Shades Of Grey trilogy, was originally written as Twilight fanfiction and is huge right now.

The books are number one two and three on the New York Times Bestseller in four categories and movie rights have already been sold to Focus Features and Universal Studios.

James has also been listed as one Time’s 100 Most Influential People, all for a book centering around a virginal recent college graduate (Anastasia) who falls in love with BDSM billionaire Christian Grey.

He presents his new lover, Anatasia, with a special S&M contract with many dominance-related stipulations.

People who hate whatever happens to be the “big thing” in current literature, (be it Harry Potter, The Da Vinci Code, Twilight or The Hunger Games) might have more beef with this than anything in the past.

Continue reading “‘Fifty Shades Of Grey’ Excerpts (NSFW)”

Beavis And Butt-Head Season 8 Premiere Recap And Stills

Beavis And Butt-Head have returned after 14 sad years, for their ninth season and they’re just as succinct and dumb as you remember.

Actually, that’s not true, the boys seem a little bit smarter, like perhaps their vocabularies grew since they were taken off the air in 1997.

The first episode of the new season, true to the original format and split into two stories, is titled Werewolves Of Highland/Crying.

Continue reading “Beavis And Butt-Head Season 8 Premiere Recap And Stills”

Michael Vick Wants A Dog, Says “What Have I Done To Anybody?”

Michael Vick recently told GQ Magazine in an interview that people don’t understand dog fighting, that he’d love to have another dog and that only reporters are upset with him. (In so many words)

Here are some quotes from Michael Vick, (What a charming guy)

“Yeah, you got the family dog and the white picket fence, and you just think that’s all there is. Some of us had to grow up in poverty-stricken urban neighborhoods, and we just had to adapt to our environment.”

On dog fighting:

“I mean, I was just one of the ones who got exposed, and because of the position I was in, where I was in my life, it went mainstream. A lot of people got out of it after my situation, not because I went to prison but because it was sad for them to see me go through something that was so pointless, that could have been avoided.”

(When he says “so pointless” it sounds like he cares as much about his actions as he does some pre-season exhibition game with The Eagles)

On criticisms from the public/media:

“For a while, it was all ‘Scold Mike Vick, scold Mike Vick, just talk bad about him, like he’s not a person’…It’s almost as if everyone wanted to hate me. But what have I done to anybody? It was something that happened, and it was people trying to make some money.”

Continue reading “Michael Vick Wants A Dog, Says “What Have I Done To Anybody?””