Scarlett Johansson Kicks Ass in ‘Lucy’ Trailer

Lucy, from Luc Besson (The Fifth Element), starring Scarlett Johansson, is action-packed and intriguing despite sharing a lot of plot points with the ultra sh*tty Bradley Cooper movie Limitless, about brain power…

After mobster types implant “a bag of drugs” in her stomach, ScarJo kicks mo’ better ass than Black Widow and starts asking questions of a certain freckled scientist (Morgan Freeman) about her newfound abilities.
It makes me immensely happy to see ultra bubbly/charismatic Analeigh Tipton, who appears briefly in the trailer as a friend of Lucy’s, of America’s Next Top Model (and then Crazy, Stupid, Love, Hung and Warm Bodies) getting so many roles.  Continue reading “Scarlett Johansson Kicks Ass in ‘Lucy’ Trailer”

Scarlett Johansson PREGNANT With a Half-French Baby

Scarlett Johansson baby daddyHot off a sort of win-by-association at the Oscars (Spike Jonze, Best Original Screenplay, for Her), it was announced today that former Woody Allen muse Scarlett Johansson will give birth later this year.

The sperm, injected roughly five months ago, belongs to Frenchman Romain Dauriac, a journalist who she has been dating since at least 2012.

I bet you all cannot wait to begin cringing and/or not caring when Kim Kardashian comes to her defense on Twitter after the paparazzi send unflattering photos of “fat” Scarlett to Star magazine.

(Tiny ex-flame Sean Penn masked his pain by diving headfirst into Charlize Theron’s tonsils.)

Trailer: Captain America: The Winter Soldier

It’s always really hard for me to tell if it’s Chris Evans making that confused face, or Chris Evans ACTING confused as Steve Rogers, but either way, Captain America is back in his second feature film and he’s still as annoyingly righteous as ever. “This isn’t freedom, it’s fear!” Ugh.

Good thing Nick Fury and Bitch Widow are there to verbally slap him and bring him back to reality.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier co-starring Scarlett Johansson, Anthony Mackie and Robert Redford his theaters April of 2014, before Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy (August 2014) and The Avengers: Age of Ultron (May 2015).  Continue reading “Trailer: Captain America: The Winter Soldier”

Scarlett Johansson: Engaged and Extraterrestrial

Scarlett Johansson ring fianceThere are multiple ScarJo stories floating around this week, one being that she is engaged again. This time to a Frenchman instead of that no-good Canadian Romeo Ryan Reynolds.

The guy’s name is Romain Dauriac, and he has been providing her with many diamonds and boat outings over the course of their 10-month relationship.

Johansson also appears in the new teaser for Under The Skin, where she plays “an alien from an unidentified place who uses sex — or, at least, the promise of it — to lure men off the streets and to their deaths,” according to the Los Angeles Times.

Continue reading “Scarlett Johansson: Engaged and Extraterrestrial”

Trailer: Don Jon

Don Jon, written and directed by (and starring) Joseph Gordon-Levitt, is the tale of a young man who loves material objects, girls and porn. He could almost audition for Jersey Shore…

Scarlett Johansson is the JWoww to his gym-obsessed Situation. Soon after they begin dating, she catches him watching adult movies and he compares it to all the romantic comedies she’s always dragging him to.Don Jon gif movies Don Jon gifDon Jon gif awards for porn
Imagine 500 Days of Summer with porn, hoochie mama Scarlett instead of quirky Zooey Deschanel, and Gordon-Levitt singing “Good Vibrations” and shopping for hair gel instead of notepads.

Also, Tony Danza and Julianne Moore. Don Jon is scheduled to debut in theaters on October 18th, 2013.

Scarlett Johansson Gets Called a Bombshell Because of her Boobs and Nothing Else

Scarlett Johansson Elle Uk coverIn the February 2013 issue of Elle UK, sometimes-uptight, often-misunderstood Scarlett Johansson says that “any woman who is curvy and wears a gown to an event is, like, super sexualized.”

You hear that, Christina Hendricks and Sofia Vergara? When you wear a gown, everyone reaches for something, preferably the overseas edition of a certain fashion mag, to cover their boners with.

I think they both already knew. But I also think they know that it’s not necessarily because they’re curvy, but because they’re pretty actresses.

Not sure if the same reaction would arise if it were Rosie O’Donnell, and not Rihanna, in that black Armani dress with the suicidal neckline plunge.  Continue reading “Scarlett Johansson Gets Called a Bombshell Because of her Boobs and Nothing Else”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [12-7-12]

Scarlett Johansson Joseph Gordon LevittJoseph Gordon-Levitt steps behind the camera, wisely keeps ScarJo in front of it. (Pajiba)

Brandi G’s son Mason gets ahold of LeAnn Rimes’ “candy” laxatives. (Us Weekly)

Dave Grohl hosts Chelsea Lately, talks Bieber and new documentary, Sound City. (Spin)

In Seventh Son, Julianne Moore and Jeff Bridges play witch and witch hunter. (USA Today)

Hugh why-wasn’t-he-in-Magic-Mike Jackman can’t stop giving lap dances. (Vulture)

Big baby basketball legend Shaquille O’Neal designs jewelry for Zales. (Grouchy Muffin)

Ultrasound reveals shocking truth: onion rings are about to abduct Shakira‘s baby! (Celebuzz)

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [11-28-12]

Scarlett Johansson: actress, singer, superhero and weather girl? (Radar Online)

Motley Crue bassist Nikki Sixx getting married a third time. (New York Post)

Adam Levine angry at the Roxy for not giving him a dressing room in early 2000’s. (HuffPo)

Vito Schnabel (Demi Moore‘s new boyfriend) is two years older than Rumer. (Gawker)

Glambert’s new tattoo is just like yours, it has to do with astrology. (Celebuzz)

You know you’ve made it when there’s a shit ____ say(s) video about you. (ohmyGAHH!)

Lisa Robin Kelly, Eric Foreman’s hot sister on That ’70s Show, arrested for assault. (Yahoo)

Scarlett Johansson’s Street Cred = Zero Point Zero

Scarlett Johansson is either a really big fan of Lucky Brand Jeans, or doesn’t see the similarities between their signature “Lucky You” fly message (as in, you’re so lucky to be taking my pants off right now) and her new tattoo.

This you’re-so-lucky-to have-taken-off-my-shirt variation was given to ScarJo in France by some guy named Fuzi. It’s her third tattoo and second this year after the “I Heart NY” thing on her wrist.

The sun also rises, on her arm. Here’s a quote from her, in reference to filming a shower scene for Hitchcock:  Continue reading “Scarlett Johansson’s Street Cred = Zero Point Zero”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [8-28-12]

Free advertising all over the net for Scarlett Johansson and Dolce/Gabbana. (VH1)

Slash caught his mom in bed with David Bowie. (NME)

And here’s the 500-pound Darth Vader cake from the Star Wars convention. (i09)

Sylvester Stallone‘s 48-year-old sister died of lung cancer. (Yahoo!)

Shiny new buildings are for assholes. Rust is in. (CBS Sports)

Pink was a meth dealer at age 14. Also, ecstasy and special k.  (Evil Beet)

That weekend in Las Vegas was fun for Prince Harry for SO many reasons. (E! Online)

Tom Hanks is the best movie star to have a beer with. (Too Fab)

Very first photo of Snooki‘s [super not-bald and hard to see] baby. (TMZ)

Terrell Owens dropped every pass. Is no longer a Seahawk. (Washington Post)


Hopelessly Human Black Widow Returns May 2015

Scarlett Johansson recently said that she’s “too sexy” for many of the roles that she wants and deserves, specifically The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (she would literally have been the worst Lisbeth Salander ever).

Her comments are only a little less laughable than the fact that Black Widow killed about three aliens hellbent on destroying the world in the final scene of The Avengers, as opposed to the several hundred her cohorts pwned.

Somebody needs to tell her that Beyonce and many others have already complained of overhyped sexiness (lookup Brazilian band Cansei de Ser Sexy) and that the majority of ugly Americans don’t want to hear about it.  Continue reading “Hopelessly Human Black Widow Returns May 2015”

‘The Avengers’ Surpasses Every Weekend Box Office Title

The Avengers brought in a record-breaking $200 million dollars over the weekend, shooting past The Hunger Games, The Dark Knight, Twilight to knock Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part 2 (with $169 million) from the top spot.

So far it’s dominating only the biggest opening weekend movie list though at this rate it could compete with films on the domestic and worldwide gross lists that Avatar currently conquers.

I plan on seeing it on Thursday for matinée prices. Take that, crazy Twist trolls who complained about me being “an angry lesbian who doesn’t shave her arm pits and lives in a hippy tree” all because I called ScarJo a useless Black Widow.  Continue reading “‘The Avengers’ Surpasses Every Weekend Box Office Title”

Scarlett Johansson Hates Her Nickname

Since her breakout role in 2003’s Lost In Translation, bloggers and random media sources have taken to calling Scarlett Johansson “ScarJo.”

Johansson is not pleased with the lackluster name, she says it’s “lazy” and “bizarre” and that her friends would never call her that.

“Oh, it’s awful. It’s a laziness. People can’t actually say the whole name? It’s just bizarre. If I hear somebody say that, I know I don’t know them at all. How come Daniel Day Lewis isn’t subjected to “like, ‘DaDay’? So Cate Blanchett is not, Continue reading “Scarlett Johansson Hates Her Nickname”

Scarlett Johansson For Interview Magazine, Indecisive Woman Of The Year

Scarlett Johansson sat down with Arianna Huffington in the latest issue of Interview Magazine  where she took purposefully scandalous photos for public viewing and talked about privacy, Obama and being confused about Occupy Wall Street.

She thinks social media tools are “unprecedented” and “amazing” but reveals that there’s nothing she’d rather do less “than have to continuously share details of my everyday life.” Also, she’d rather go to the White House Correspondents’ dinner than any awards show.

I’ve got to agree with Evil Beet on this one, I’m on the fence constantly about Scarlett Johansson, and she can’t seem to make up her mind either, about anything.

Continue reading “Scarlett Johansson For Interview Magazine, Indecisive Woman Of The Year”

Blake Lively And ScarJo Have A Lot In Common

And what do they have in common besides both being blonde and having nude leaked cell phone photos plus the same plump droopy white lady asses? Welllll Ryan Reynolds, that’s what!

Yesterday morning Scarlett Johansson, 24, was seen sneaking out of Reynolds’ apartment in Boston with Ryan and his canine friend in tow. They were romantically linked in 2010 during the filming of Green Lantern but this picture of them together seems like legit proof.

Unlike the gossip community’s tendency to link every hot-blooded actor and actresses who set foot in the same room, this is fairly sturdy evidence! Fingerprint-dusting, DNA, hair follicle type proof.

Continue reading “Blake Lively And ScarJo Have A Lot In Common”

Scarlett Johansson As Useless Black Widow (Avengers Trailer)

I went from liking Scarlett Johansson in movies like Ghost World, to hating her, then Woody Allen convinced me that I loved her and now I’m pretty sure – I can’t stand her.

In interviews she’s vapid and sugary, and in movies, well, she almost always plays the same person. Some confused girl with a far-away look in her eye. But perhaps that IS Scarlett. I don’t know…

Continue reading “Scarlett Johansson As Useless Black Widow (Avengers Trailer)”

Infamous Nude Cell Phone Hacker Put Behind Bars

Christopher Chaney, the man responsible for leaking Scarlett Johansson’s nude pictures was arrested  in Jacksonville, Florida by the FBI for crimes that include wiretapping and identity theft.

Chaney, 35, gained access to the phones and emails of not only Johansson but also Christina Aguilera, Kreayshawn, Vanessa Hudgens, Mila Kunis (though all he found were penises) and many others.

The hacker was put in jail but isn’t there anymore. He was released on a $10,000 bond and ordered avoid computers and stay at his parent’s home…

Continue reading “Infamous Nude Cell Phone Hacker Put Behind Bars”