school – The Twist Gossip

Hide the Autistic Children, Hide Them All!

Lindsay Lohan‘s new, extra-incompetent representative and proud graduate of Mickey’s Offbrand Toontown Law School in Disneyland Bratislava reportedly told the press that his client was on her way to a New York school for autistic children.

Withered lawyer potato Mark Heller would not disclose the name of the school or the exact location, so there’s no way for us to fly to the East Coast and intercept her attempts to corrupt and frighten developmentally disabled kids with her venomous words and facial creases.

They’re autistic, not deaf and blind. What school would even allow Lindsay Lohan to enter their premises? Continue reading “Hide the Autistic Children, Hide Them All!” →

News, Politics, RIP

Another Elementary School Shooting, Another Day to Not Talk About Gun Control

Nearly 30 people, including at least 20 children, were gunned down this morning at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut just three days after the Clackamas mall shooting in Oregon.

News outlets, politicians and the Twitter/Reddit/Facebook generation are bringing their boxing gloves to the table today either in favor, or against a forum on stricter laws regarding guns. In one corner, we have men and women who, at some point, felt threatened enough by their surroundings to “need” a gun or two to “survive,” standing by others from rural red counties who were taught to hunt and clean a rifle at age seven. Continue reading “Another Elementary School Shooting, Another Day to Not Talk About Gun Control” →

News, RIP, Videos

To The People Who Bullied Amanda Todd…

Police were called to the home of 15-year-old Amanda Todd on October 10 after she committed suicide in her home in British Columbia.

A month before her death she posted a video called “My story: Struggling, bullying, suicide, self harm,” and it is basically a list of reasons why she took her life.

In 7th grade Todd sought attention on webcam chats. One man who the police are currently searching for coerced her into flashing him. When she refused to do more he sent a screenshot of her chest to her family and friends which, on top of some of the usual impulsive decisions most teens make (sleeping with a boy who had a girlfriend), led to her being bullied at school. Continue reading “To The People Who Bullied Amanda Todd…” →

Humor, News

The Term “Cougar” No Longer Applies To Felines

A Utah school’s decision to not make their new mascot a cougar because it might be offensive to middle-aged women makes me wonder what people think of first when they hear the word “cougar.”

I guess it depends on the context. For instance “there’s a cougar roaming school grounds” certainly could conjure images of a hungry Demi Moore, but as a country girl I’d have to assume that it was an actual cougar reference. Listen, Corner Canyon High board members, this is not offensive to middle-aged women, it’s offensive to mountain lions.

Continue reading “The Term “Cougar” No Longer Applies To Felines” →

Celebrities, Music, Pop

Britney Spears Wanted To Be A Teacher, Ya’ll

In an interview with Pop Justice Ms. Britney Jean Spears told the website that if she hadn’t been a pop superstar, her life would have gone in a very different direction,

“I’d probably be a teacher…I love kids, and even in what I do now one of my favorite parts of my day is getting to meet my fans before the show. Especially the little ones. They are always so cute.”

Well I bet a lot of people wish Britney Spears had been their teacher. And I’m not gonna make fun of her for this one, because I’ve had way worse teachers than Britney Spears, and with the education system in America…

Continue reading “Britney Spears Wanted To Be A Teacher, Ya’ll” →