Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [11-18-12]

Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez grab a bite, who do you think they’re talking about? (Celebuzz)

New worldwide box office record set by Breaking Dawn – Part 2. (Deadline)

Katie Holmes would do a Dawson’s Creek reunion if it had an actual story. (Evil Beet)

Post-divorce kids with a Miss Universe winner will cost about $16,500 a month. (TMZ)

Jay-Z too cool to call Robert De Niro back? Rude ass. (ONTD!)

“I would have preferred waterboarding” – Penn Jillette, on talking to Clay Aiken. (Radar)

Eminem is “the butt police” on new Rihanna Unapologetic track “Numb.” (Pop Crush)

Bieber Fails Miserably At Reconnecting With Selena G

Ahhh young, indecisive love. It’s been a week since the Biebs split with girlfriend of two years Selena Gomez and they’re meeting for dinner, already thinking about getting back together.

The high-profile duckling pop duo agreed to face each other for sushi at a restaurant in the valley but couldn’t get past ordering virgin sake.  Continue reading “Bieber Fails Miserably At Reconnecting With Selena G”

Selena Sick of Bieber’s Scene? Star Couple Call It Quits After Two Years

If I was 12, I’d be really sad right now, or wait, happy? Looks like saggy purple pants Bieber (okay, I am 11) and non-ugly duckling Selena Gomez are no longer together.

E! News reports that “crazy schedules” played a role in the split, which a source says happened “about a week ago.” And that’s not all. Justin has supposedly been hanging with an underwear model:

Rumors that the adorable twosome had split started gaining traction in the last couple of weeks, but hit a high note just last night when Bieber, 18, was spotted seeing The Lion King on Broadway with a group of people that included 19-year-old Victoria’s Secret model Barbara Palvin.  Continue reading “Selena Sick of Bieber’s Scene? Star Couple Call It Quits After Two Years”

Paparazzi Invade Selena Gomez’s Everything

When you look at photos of celebrities, you have to consider exactly how they were taken.

New pictures of perpetual babyface Selena Gomez lounging around in her bikini, picking her eye, practicing downward dog, and talking on the phone make me think of the cameraman’s location…

Continue reading “Paparazzi Invade Selena Gomez’s Everything”

‘Spring Breakers’ Was Designed To Make You Feel Old And Perverted

EVEN THOUGH the stars of Spring Breakers (Ashley Benson, Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens, and Rachel Korine) are portraying college kids and are not technically minors, you will feel like a dirty pedophile after simply viewing one promotional photo.

Imagine what will happen when you see the movie. You’ll get put on “the list.” You know, the one viewable by location on the Offender Locator app.  Continue reading “‘Spring Breakers’ Was Designed To Make You Feel Old And Perverted”

Paparazzi May Have Battery Case Against Justin Bieber [PHOTOS]

Filing a battery case against Justin Bieber is like a complaining that the old folks at the nursing home sexually assaulted you. It’s plausible, but how would they catch you? Why didn’t you just move? Did you want to be attacked?  Continue reading “Paparazzi May Have Battery Case Against Justin Bieber [PHOTOS]”

Basketball Humor, Featuring Justina Bieber

Take a second to examine the picture and the text. You get it? Good. Now laugh or I forbid you to visit my page in the future and condemn you to a life of dung-shoveling solitude.

Just shows that one out of two girls will get into the game. P.S. I did think of this, I saw it on Facebook the other day but fixed the writing since it said “finals” instead of “playoffs.”  Continue reading “Basketball Humor, Featuring Justina Bieber”

Justin Bieber Turned 18 And The Internet Didn’t Break (Two Miracles In One)

On March 1, 1994 Justin Bieber was birthed from the sky, floating down to us on a pillow made from virgin hair and maple bars. The day is important to more than just 2 billion preteens who sing “Baby” on their home Karaoke machine nightly.

It’s a big deal for Selena Gomez too! The LAPD no longer have her on their statutory rape watchlist. The two can bone in public (on the beach, the wing of a plane, wherever) instead of a rented out Staples Center with Titanic playing on a projector screen.

Unfortunately no pictures of the Biebs seductively blowing out candles on a penis cake or snorting heroin off Demi Lovato’s elbow have surfaced. The only “surprise” is that he’s buying a mansion and releasing a new single on March 26, co-written by Mike Posner and called “Boyfriend.”  Continue reading “Justin Bieber Turned 18 And The Internet Didn’t Break (Two Miracles In One)”

House Of Bieber Wax With A Side Of Gomez

As if the very idea of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez doesn’t terrify cynical hipsters and metalheads universally, the pairing of the two is enough to make heads implode but wax figures that look like this? Well that could light the fuse to earth’s destruction.

Okay, I’m blowing this out of proportion. I just don’t like wax figures even when they’re not particularly realistic, like these. The two statues were unveiled at Madame Tussaud’s in New York in a Christmas-themed scene which will be on display until January 1, 2012.

Continue reading “House Of Bieber Wax With A Side Of Gomez”

Selena Gomez Is Hungry, Hit By Lights And Swallowed By Balloons

It really wouldn’t be hard for a balloon to eat Selena Gomez, seeing as she’s tragically skinny, though we can blame that on her youth. If she still looks this malnourished when she’s 25, I’m calling the psych ward.

In case you were wondering, this is a clip from the teaser video for her new song “Hit The Lights.” I can already tell it’s not going to be as good as the “Love You Like A Love Song” or “Naturally” videos.

Continue reading “Selena Gomez Is Hungry, Hit By Lights And Swallowed By Balloons”

Justin Bieber Rented Out Staples Center To Watch ‘Titanic’ With Selena

Justin Bieber gave us take a look into the mind and romantic gestures of a teenage millionaire when he rented out Staples Center in L.A. just to screen the saptastic classic James Cameron flick, Titanic.

Yes, the entire Staples Center, the multi-faceted venue where massive concerts take place, including some of Justin’s own. Oh and the Lakers play there too, no big deal…

Continue reading “Justin Bieber Rented Out Staples Center To Watch ‘Titanic’ With Selena”

VMA Photo Slideshow (Plus Winner List!)

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Here’s a bunch of pictures of celebrities at the MTV Video Music Awards last night. Most of them look crazy, but at least they were having fun eh?

And here are the winners:

Video of the Year: Katy Perry, “Firework”
Best Female Video: Lady Gaga, “Born This Way”
Best Male Video: Justin Bieber, “U Smile”
Best New Artist: Tyler, The Creator, “Yonkers”
Best Collaboration: Katy Perry featuring Kanye West, “E.T.”
Best Hip-Hop Video: Nicki Minaj, “Super Bass”
Best Rock Video: Foo Fighters, “Walk”
Best Pop Video: Britney Spears, “Till the World Ends”
Best Video With A Message: Lady Gaga, “Born This Way”

Continue reading “VMA Photo Slideshow (Plus Winner List!)”

Is It Sick That I Like A Selena Gomez Song?

The other day I was listening to the radio (gasp) to be specific pop radio (double gasp) and I heard a song that I thought was catchy, so I tapped my foot and whatnot. Then at the end the announcer was like “…That’s the latest song from Selena Gomez, ‘Love You Like A Love Song.'”

Ouch. Even though it sounds like some Miley Cyrus single from Can’t Be Tamed and she looks like a tall version of one of those Toddlers & Tiaras children, with her perm and multi-colored eyeshadow, I kinda of liked it. A LITTLE BIT! Not a ton.

Continue reading “Is It Sick That I Like A Selena Gomez Song?”