Denise Richards Tweeted a Photo of a Donut That No One Believes She Ate

Denise Richards groceriesFrom the start of her career, Denise Richards was never exactly a full-figured woman, but lately she’s been looking like strips of elk jerky carelessly sewn onto bone.

Sort of a modern-day version of Sally from The Nightmare Before Christmas. I wouldn’t be surprised if one of her arms, pressed from the weight of one of the many children in her care, fell onto the ground and disintegrated in a puff of celery-scented smoke.

I’m not saying she doesn’t eat, I’m just saying she doesn’t eat donuts. But that’s what she’d have us believe. Denise, extra on edge because of recent attention from the media, Tweeted a photo of one sprinkle-covered carb circle in hopes of changing opinions.  Continue reading “Denise Richards Tweeted a Photo of a Donut That No One Believes She Ate”

Bloodthirsty Marc Anthony Takes Oblivious Young Girlfriend To Disneyland

Marc Anthony new girlfriend 44-year-old Marc Anthony took his new young girlfriend, 21-year-old Topshop heiress Chloe Green, to Disneyland this past week for their first public date.

He looks like a fun guy huh? I mean, especially fun at Disneyland, where Chloe likely had to go on all the rides with J-Lo’s twins and not Marc because of the weight limit.

How much heroin do you have do you have to do daily to stay at around 118 pounds, and when are people going to realize that the Chupacabra is not an elusive creature? Like Lestat in Queen of the Damned, Marc has exposed his supernatural abilities to the public without them even realizing it.  Continue reading “Bloodthirsty Marc Anthony Takes Oblivious Young Girlfriend To Disneyland”

Baby Dracula Has Fully Drained Denise Richards

Denise Richards spends some quality family time with her daughters in Bel Air! Denise Richards took her three children out for some ice cream this weekend. Or two of them ate ice cream while the youngest, Eloise, feasted on what’s left of her mother’s circulatory system.

I’ve seen year-old French Bread that was softer than those withered limbs. Swing that thing the wrong way and it either disintegrates or takes someone’s eye out. It’s hard to tell without feeling it in the aquarium touch pool.

That kid she’s holding is a vampire with the worst kind of luck. The luck of living with a green drink-loving pilates master when all she needs is Honey Boo Boo’s mom.

Lady Gaga Is A Show-Off, Lost 25 Pounds In 7 Days

Photos from Tuesday, September 18th showed the world a slightly larger version of Lady Gaga than we’re used to.

Yesterday, Gaga posted skinny pictures of herself wearing nothing but yellow underwear (with messages like “Bulimia and anorexia since I was 15”) to LittleMonsters.com shortly after confessing that she’d gained 25 pounds from eating too much Italian food.

Some speculated that she was pregnant, while others suggested that the weight gain was photoshopped, or a publicity stunt…

The only thing I’m confused by is her decision to not become the spokeswoman for Weight Watchers, Hydroxycut, or TrimSpa. I mean, as a celebrity, why not make a little money off of your diet? You give them the before and after photos, they throw a few thousand dollars at you.  Continue reading “Lady Gaga Is A Show-Off, Lost 25 Pounds In 7 Days”

Matthew McConaughey Pulled A Christian Bale, Lost All Muscle Mass

DO NOT FEED THE seagulls, pigeons, ducks or Matthew McConaughey.

The recently married Texan is in the process of losing 30 pounds for the movie The Dallas Buyers Club.

Buyers Club is the non-fiction account of Ron Woodruff, a man who contracted aids in the 80s and illegally smuggled life-saving medicine over Mexico’s border. Drugs that helped him outlive his doctor’s given six month death sentence.

McConaughey is almost as famous for jogging shirtless and naked bongo-playing as he is for his above-average acting abilities, so it is especially shocking to see his Magic Mike beefcake body reduced to Soy Dream.
Continue reading “Matthew McConaughey Pulled A Christian Bale, Lost All Muscle Mass”

Michael Phelps May Be Suffering From Manorexia

World champion stroker of breasts and ripper of bongs Michael Phelps told Details magazine that he gained 25 pounds after the Beijing Olympics in 2008.

“I wasn’t motivated. I did nothing, literally nothing, for a long time. I gained 25 pounds. A friend of mine and I were playing football on the beach in Miami, and somebody got a picture of us and put it all over the place. And he’s like, ‘Bro, you gotta start working out, man. You are fat.’”

Here’s a picture from the day he’s talking about. If that’s a fat man, we’re in less trouble than I thought we were. There are a lot of really in shape people in America.

He says Stallone’s Rocky II reminded him of his trials and tribulations as an obese lad trying to get back in shape.  Continue reading “Michael Phelps May Be Suffering From Manorexia”

Disney Gave Ursula An Eating Disorder

In a new collection of figurines and beauty products Disney has made Ursula look older and skinnier than she was in the 1989 classic The Little Mermaid. In fact, she looks very much like Yzma, the witch from The Emperor’s New Groove.

The keeper of souls and stealer of voices isn’t the only one to undergo a shocking transformation. They’ve made the Queen Of Hearts look like Snow White’s innocent older sister.  Continue reading “Disney Gave Ursula An Eating Disorder”

Vogue Vows To Only Work With ‘Healthy’ Models

Editors of every global edition of Vogue, including American, French and Italian have agreed to hire models who are at least 16 years old and who do not appear anorexic in the new “Health Initiative.”

They pledge to promote realism and to not contribute to the growing, unrealistic body image issues of women. Jonathan Newhouse, chairman of the publishing company behind Vogue says:

Vogue believes that good health is beautiful, Vogue editors around the world want the magazines to reflect their commitment to the health of the models who appear on the pages and the wellbeing of their readers.”  Continue reading “Vogue Vows To Only Work With ‘Healthy’ Models”

Mischa Barton Magically Changed Back Into Marissa Cooper

Since Mischa Barton‘s career skyrocketed for three years on The O.C. and then fell like piece of mythical space equipment there’s been little to report on except her minimal weight gain and lack of makeup.

I’ve been rooting for her to make some sort of comeback for several years now and it seems she may be close to doing so. Either that or she just looks better and plans on retiring to Miami, where these photos were taken. The problem with her is that she’s not willing to play a supporting role and climb her way back up, therefore she gets stuck with these bizarre bargain bin-destined DVDs like You And I, the tale of two girls who fall in love at a t.A.T.u. concert.

Continue reading “Mischa Barton Magically Changed Back Into Marissa Cooper”

Carlos Mencia Lost 70 Pounds

Carlos Mencia, the 44 year-old Mind of Mencia comedian has lost a total of 70 pounds. After being ripped to shreds by fans and even fellow comedians for possibly stealing his material from the likes of George Lopez and others, Mencia sought therapy.

The therapy and weight loss seem to have worked, because Carlos has a new stand-up special called “Carlos Mencia: New Territory,” which will air on Comedy Central this Sunday.

Continue reading “Carlos Mencia Lost 70 Pounds”