Justin Bieber’s Mom is Truly Always Watching Him

Justin Bieber eye tattoo Justin Bieber just got a tattoo of his mom’s eye on his inner elbow because even though they probably don’t talk that much and it won’t keep him from spitting on people and turning yellow buckets yellow-er, he technically loves her because she’s responsible for his fame and owns his soul forever.

And it’s actually the best tattoo on his gross gangly body.

I guess he’s moving towards looking more like the perfect combination of fully-tatted Rob Van Winkle of today and circa 1990 “Ice Ice Baby” flat-top Vanilla/brunette Dolph Lundgren.

Speaking of people named Rob, Justin’s message on Instagram, “Moms always watching,” really reminds me of when Rob Kardashian said that it’s weird having Kris Jenner’s face on his right arm because that’s the one he employs solely for whacking and taking handouts from his sisters.  Continue reading “Justin Bieber’s Mom is Truly Always Watching Him”

This is Adele’s Baby and This is Her New Tattoo

first pic of adeles babyYES I’m avoiding talking about Jessica Simpson’s new baby Ace Knute, future best friend of Jason Lee’s son Pilot Inspektor, to discuss Adele and her son. This because non-talented, unintelligent Jessica seems like a Pez dispenser of children despite only having two and I’m just plain sick of reading about her and her protruding stomach.

Onto the beloved siren of the Southern England, second-in-command at the Order of Break-Up Anthem High Priestesses above Swift and below Morissette…

Mrs. Adkins, who does have the potential to become a sad log ride/dispenser since she once told Vogue UK “If I ever have children, I want five boys” (because girls don’t love their mothers and “can be so mean to each other”), recently took her son Angelo to drool, spit, poop, barf and cry in the general direction of polar bears and snow leopards at the zoo in Central Park, NYC.

Continue reading “This is Adele’s Baby and This is Her New Tattoo”

Man Turns Thom Yorke’s Eye Into Sad Pepperoni

Thom Yorke nipple tattoo A bad tattoo of Radiohead frontman Thom Yorke submitted on Reddit inspired comments like “I’m a creep, I’m a nipple” and “Thom Yorke has been a bit of a tit for years.”

User streeter5000 posted the photo, which I assume is of his own chest, eight days ago, sparking the attention of websites like Fuse and Stereogum.

In the comedy world, those who are truly dedicated are willing to make all kinds of batsh*t sacrifices. Such as ruining both their bodies and a perfectly acceptable drawing.

Like the famous cat butthole/bellybutton tattoo and almost everything on Steve O’s body, this serves its basic purpose.

 

 

Russki Couple Get Matching Face Tattoos 24 Hours After Meeting

Russian face tattoo womanTrue love in Russia! Lesya and Ruslan Toumaniantz decided to get five inch-high tattoos of each other’s names after spending a single day together.

This is great because it’s probably really hard for them to remember who they’re dating.

Ruslan, a tattoo artist who originally “met” ladylove Lesya in a chat room, was so taken with her figure/personality that he splooged Gothic ink blotches all over her face cheeks (and his own). –>PHOTOS HERE<–

Usually regret sets in months, maybe years later, but I have a feeling 30 seconds to that 24 hours is more fitting. Somewhere near a pigeon cage, Mike Tyson just said “Oh sh*t, you went too far.”

Help Me Decipher Lindsay Lohan’s New Tattoo Before My Head Explodes and I Turn To Mush

Lindsay Lohan triangle tattooI dream of a world where you can’t throw a stone and hit three Lindsay Lohan stories in a single day. In that world I’m out of the job, but it’s still a nice thought. Until then, we can talk about Lindsay’s new tattoo…

Her latest ink is a red triangle and words that I think say “What dreams may close,” though the popular guess is “What dreams may come.” This chicken scratch obviously has something to do with the illuminati (though Perez says Scientology).

Or it’s just something Lindsay saw in a children’s book (this one?). Or she’s just a really big Robin Williams fan. We’ll never f*cking know (unless she writes about it on Twitter later).  Continue reading “Help Me Decipher Lindsay Lohan’s New Tattoo Before My Head Explodes and I Turn To Mush”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [1-7-13]

Justin bieber indian tattooJustin Bieber got a tattoo of the Stratford Warriors’ Junior Hockey logo. (Evil Beet)

Oh dear, Pete Doherty taped hump-y scenes with Charlotte Gainsbourgh. (Bohomoth)

Blue Ivy Carter turns one, is bound to be role model to Kim Kardashian’s kid. (Radar)

16 reasons to think James Franco is into dudes in a non-platonic way. (ohmyGAHH!)

Eva Mendes walks around in pajama pants after losing Ryan Gosling. (Daily Mail)

Or maybe he’s just working with the director of Drive on Only God Forgives. (Celebuzz)

Honey Boo Boo’s mom dyed her hair blonde and dressed up like Marilyn Monroe. (Too Fab)

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [1-4-13]

Rex Ryan Sanchez Tattoo Rex Ryan sunbathing photos reveal tattoo of his wife in a Mark Sanchez jersey. (Deadspin)

Season 2 of Girls has Lena Dunham dating Republican Donald Glover. (The A.V. Club)

Kelly Clarkson gets hit on by “the hottest girls ever,” still bats for the boys’ team. (Yahoo!)

Wand, implants and bucket of crabs top list of weird things found in hotel rooms. (Daily Mail)

Kourtney Kardashian paid $200,000 to display 44-pound weight loss. (Hollywood Life)

Every pop culture reference from every Quentin Tarantino movie HERE -> (College Humor)

Jennifer Lawrence’s friends want her to kill intruders, Katniss Everdeen-style. (The Mary Sue)

 

Snooki Got a Tattoo of a Flying, Crown-Wearing Leopard

Snooki leopard tattoo Snooki got a sixth ink blotch last week in L.A. at The Marlett Tattoo Parlor after taping the last ever Jersey Shore reunion.

On her blog, she says that no one but Jionni had previously seen the “fierce” tattoo, which represents her being an independent woman who loves leopard prints.

“The crown represents being a queen and being fabulous, and the wings represent everyone who has passed in my family. Anytime I can incorporate my loved ones who have passed, I do it!” 

Alright, alright Snooki, try not to be too excited. There’s a social barometer I think that says you can’t use exclamation points when talking about dead people.

Question… isn’t a flying leopard basically just the Wal-Mart/Claire’s Accessories version of a Griffin?

Kris Jenner Watches Rob Kardashian Masturbate 24/7

Rob Kardashian fashion policeSome people get tattoos of fairies, butterflies and stars, while others go with hearts with the word “mom” in them. Rob Kardashian took it one step further in August when he got one of his famous mother, Kris Jenner.

Rob, who has a large sketch of his dad on his right arm, visited Fashion Police on Dec. 21 and was asked about his ever-expanding collection of ink by Joan Rivers.

“I put my mom, which is weird, on my right arm, which is my masturbating arm,” he told Rivers.

I would say he stepped off the ledge of what could be considered “appropriate” by society if he weren’t a Kardashian and therefore incapable of invoking surprise with incest-y jokes.

Megan Fox Talks Tattoos, Pregnancy and Club Thumbs With Jay Leno

Megan Fox thumbs Jay LenoMegan Fox did her first post-baby television interview last night with Jay Leno, discussing This Is 40, “pregnancy brain” (which made her to lose her phone and forget how to drive), tattoo removal and her infamous cavewoman thumbs.

Morning sickness/vampire baby: I was about two months pregnant. I was really sick. I was very nauseous. I had really bad morning sickness. It was so bad for me. I was convinced that I was, like, maybe birthing a vampire baby like the one in Twilight… you know what happens to Bella, where she’s in cold sweats all the time? I felt like that was happening because I had no vitamins and nutrients and I was just nauseous. Or an alien or something. Something not human.”

Continue reading “Megan Fox Talks Tattoos, Pregnancy and Club Thumbs With Jay Leno”

A LOT of People Have ‘Gears of War’ Tattoos

The Gears of War Facebook page just added a large chunk of photos the an album labeled “Tattoos.”

I like Gears of War as much as the next girl…

It’s gory, humorous and sometimes heartbreaking (things don’t go swimmingly for Dom’s wife Maria, Tai, and others), but the ink creativity doesn’t seem to span far past the game’s skull-in-gear logo.

Some (elaborate ticker, themed eyeball) are better than others but since there’s no exact word on a fourth Gears game, especially not from Epic, we can consider these tattoos retro in about two years.

Still not the worst image you can have permanently branded on your body. Sadly, nothing beats THIS.

Scarlett Johansson’s Street Cred = Zero Point Zero

Scarlett Johansson is either a really big fan of Lucky Brand Jeans, or doesn’t see the similarities between their signature “Lucky You” fly message (as in, you’re so lucky to be taking my pants off right now) and her new tattoo.

This you’re-so-lucky-to have-taken-off-my-shirt variation was given to ScarJo in France by some guy named Fuzi. It’s her third tattoo and second this year after the “I Heart NY” thing on her wrist.

The sun also rises, on her arm. Here’s a quote from her, in reference to filming a shower scene for Hitchcock:  Continue reading “Scarlett Johansson’s Street Cred = Zero Point Zero”

Lady Gaga Fell Asleep, Got A Tattoo In Front Of A Bunch Of People

The only nice thing I can say about Lady Gaga‘s new tattoo, which the “artist” calls “a nod to her Italian heritage,” is that it won’t be visible once she grows her hair back.

I remember buying little books of fake tattoos when I was younger, and I’m pretty sure this so-called “Renaissance era cherub” was included.

Yes, the tattoo, which was given to her in front of hundreds of people at her Fame fragrance launch party, looks like a child’s idea of what body art should be.

She might as well have gotten a heart with the word “mom” in italics over a cutesy white banner. Except she would get “dad,” because as far as I know, she’s never written a song about her mom (poor Cynthia Germonatta).  Continue reading “Lady Gaga Fell Asleep, Got A Tattoo In Front Of A Bunch Of People”

Chris Brown Says His New Neck Tattoo Is Not Of Battered Rihanna

Chris Brown may already be regretting his new neck tattoo. Because tattoos on the neck are usually such a good idea, if you’re trying to impress the guy you work in the prison library with.

Anyway, pretty much everyone who saw the tattoo thought it looked an awful lot like his ex-girlfriend Rihanna after he’d beaten her to a pulp.

I wouldn’t normally ask if you all remember the gruesome photo where her right eye had half-closed from impact, but it seems like a lot of people don’t (see Chris winning at the Billboard Music Awards, BET Awards, Grammys and VMAs since his highly publicized domestic violence arrest in 2009).

Maybe, instead of ooing and awing at Rihanna and Chris Brown’s admittedly cringeworthy hug at the 2012 Video Music Awards, we should take a look at why is still invited to such events in the first place.

Continue reading “Chris Brown Says His New Neck Tattoo Is Not Of Battered Rihanna”

Rihanna Dedicates Boob Tattoo To Gran Gran Dolly, Tells Piers Morgan To ‘Grow A Dick’

Rihanna is honoring her late grandmother, nicknamed “Gran Gran Dolly,” with a tattoo of the Egyptian goddess Isis just under her braline. Queen of umbrellas and clam-fanning got the tattoo in London on Saturday (she was there for a performance at the Paralympics).

Goddess Isis – Complete Woman – Model for future generations – #GRANGRANDOLLY – always in and on my heart #1love,” she wrote on Instagram.

In semi-related news Piers Morgan took aim at Rihanna’s new short haircut saying that she “needs to grow her hair back. Fast.” Her response: “grow a dick….. FAST!!!!”

Don’t be scared for Piers’ life, it was all in good fun. He asked her if she wanted to come on the show, and she said “phuck yea lets do it!!!!!!!!!” Continue reading “Rihanna Dedicates Boob Tattoo To Gran Gran Dolly, Tells Piers Morgan To ‘Grow A Dick’”

Justin Bieber’s New Tattoo Is Less Religious, More Pompous

Justin Bieber Tweeted a photo of his new tattoo on Friday. I’m not sure what’s worse, him not dying in that car crash on Ventura Blvd, or his new crown tattoo.

I think I more have a beef with the “symbolism.”

Justin either thinks he’s the new king of pop, or that American saw that Prince William and Kate Middleton were boosting England’s economy (OR that Mitt Romney was running) and switched to a monarchy.

The crown is his seventh ink blotch. Others include the words “Believe” and “Jesus” spelled in Hebrew, praying hands, a seagull, and Jesus’ face.  Continue reading “Justin Bieber’s New Tattoo Is Less Religious, More Pompous”

Is Lady Gaga’s New Album Called ‘ARTPOP?’

Lady Gaga posted a photo of her new “ARTPOP” arm tattoo (I’ve flipped the image so it no longer appears backwards) on Twitter, and the words “new ink new album.”

On her new social networking site Littlemonsters.com the photo was accompanied by a different message, “We could, we could belong together. ARTPOP.”

This is her fifth tattoo, and since we all know the story behind the ink on her left thigh (“Born This Way” and a unicorn), is it safe to assume that Artpop is the name of her third album? There’s a strong possibility, but I care less about the name and more about the theme. I’m hoping for less greasy Jesus-y ex-boyfriends in corn fields and more disco sticks.  Continue reading “Is Lady Gaga’s New Album Called ‘ARTPOP?’”