NRA Blames Video Games, Says We Need More Guns

National Rifle Association Holds News Conference In Wake Of Newtown School ShootingToday, after a week-long silence (out of “respect for the families” in Sandy Hook), NRA President David Keene and Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre spoke in a press conference about the tragedies in Connecticut.

After emphasizing that the National Rifle Association of America is made up of “4 million mothers, fathers, sons and daughters,” LaPierre blamed movies, music videos and video games like Grand Theft Auto (Saint’s Row is probably worse), Bulletstorm (only purchased by fans for the Gears of War 3 beta code), Splatterhouse (no one plays that anymore) and Kindergarten Killer (no one ever played that).  Continue reading “NRA Blames Video Games, Says We Need More Guns”

Here’s That Shirtless Paul Ryan Picture You Were Looking For…

I know you’ve been Googling “Paul Ryan shirtless” every single day since Mitt Romney named the relatively young Republican his running mate. I also know why, at least if you’re a democrat. Forbidden fruit.

You feel guilty that you find Paul Ryan kind of attractive because you know his debt-cutting spiel is unrealistic, possibly even bogus.

Also, representing the darker side of politics, he likely does not support anything you believe in – Planned Parenthood, abortion, health care, lower taxes, gay rights, etc.

Your heart is torn, and cannot help believing in the simplicity of charm and natural good looks, even if they belong to that horrible dog abuser’s choice for Vice President.  Continue reading “Here’s That Shirtless Paul Ryan Picture You Were Looking For…”

Everyone Wants To See Vice Presidential Candidate Paul Ryan In His Skivvies

On top of being compared to Sarah Palin due to his age (he’s 42) and good looks, the internet wants to see Mitt Romney’s running mate shirtless.

In fact, if you Google “Paul Ryan shirtless” images of Glee’s Matthew Morrison topless on the cover of Details Magazine come up, along with a bunch of other half-naked celebrities and sports figures.

Alas, no Paul Ryan.

We want a map of the abs, not his budget-cutting “Roadmap for America’s Future.”

TMZ even wrote that a source told them that he’s “totally ripped and has a six pack” and was featured on a list of the 50 Most Beautiful People on Capital Hill, 2008.  Continue reading “Everyone Wants To See Vice Presidential Candidate Paul Ryan In His Skivvies”

The Invincible Tin Woodsman, Dick Cheney

Former Vice President Dick Cheney underwent a heart transplant on Saturday in Virginia raising the taboo questions, ‘is he too old?’ and ‘does he deserve it?’

Cheney seems invincible considering he’s has had five heart attacks and two prior surgeries since 1978.

It’s likely that his veins were drained long ago and replaced with synthetic 900 proof cat blood. Anything with urban nine-lives mythology.

ABC News stated that many hospitals have policies against performing transplants on patients over 65 but that some will go as old as 72. (Cheney is 71)

He was on the transplant list for over 20 months, which is not an unusually long time. According to Dr. Jonathan Chen of Columbia University, the VP’s new heart probably doesn’t come based on wealth or status.  Continue reading “The Invincible Tin Woodsman, Dick Cheney”