In Other News, Guy Gets Paid To Pour Water on Rihanna’s Back

Exclusive - Rihanna Does a Skin Photo Shoot Half Naked in the Hollywood Hills Some people list teacher, policeman, veterinarian or chef as their dream job, others put “dumping water on Rihanna’s backside.” …To each their own.

Let’s list the pros and cons of pouring water on Rihanna.

Pros: It’s easy.

Cons: If Rihanna sees your boner, she’ll probably alert everyone in the vicinity with a loud “EH!” resulting in the loss of your job and you looking on Craigslist for opposing employment that involves intense labor like hauling cement blocks in the pouring rain.

In other other news, totally attractive virgin bobsledder Lolo Jones wrote on Twitter that it’s going to be hard for Drake to “hand out all those awards to Rihanna’s ex boyfriends” at the ESPYs. Ho ho ho I get it and cannot contain my laughter because Rihanna dated one athlete in 2011.  Continue reading “In Other News, Guy Gets Paid To Pour Water on Rihanna’s Back”

Russian Town of Sochi is in no Way Ready for the Olympics: Full of Stray Dogs, Incomplete Hotel Rooms and Toxic Water

Sochi dirty
Putin’s stance on gays isn’t the only big story coming out of Sochi. The site chosen to host this year’s Olympics in the Southwestern corner of Russia along the Black Sea is an absolute mess. A mess that a handful of bold journalists have been live tweeting since their arrival…

Hotel rooms are reportedly missing things, and while they are often without electricity they do have toxic water, uncovered manholes toilets that don’t flush even the softest paper and a boatload of homeless dogs.

A reporter for the Chicago Tribune wrote “My hotel has no water. If restored, the front desk says, “do not use on your face because it contains something very dangerous.” ”  Continue reading “Russian Town of Sochi is in no Way Ready for the Olympics: Full of Stray Dogs, Incomplete Hotel Rooms and Toxic Water”

Diddy Gained Swagger After He Stopped Drinking Kool-Aid and Wetting the Bed

Diddy waterLast week, in an attempt to boost sales of his new electrolyte-infused water brand and scare sugar-addicted tots, Sean “Diddy” Combs passed on a story about his childhood bed-wetting habits and how he got the confidence that made him the filthy rich epitome of versatility that he is today.

One thing I want to say is, I grew up as a Kool-Aid kid. Never drank water. I used to pour a half a pound of sugar into the Kool-Aid. Besides it having me bouncing off the walls, I used to be a bed wetter. OK, I guess I’m confessing that I used to be a bed wetter.

I went on this quest to stop wetting the bed, and the first day that I had a sleepover and I didn’t wet the bed, it was, like, one of the greatest days of my life. It gave me the swagger that I have today because I stopped wetting the bed.   Continue reading “Diddy Gained Swagger After He Stopped Drinking Kool-Aid and Wetting the Bed”

First Evidence Of Running Water On Mars Discovered By Curiosity Rover

The Curiosity Rover has made a groundbreaking discovery in the form of well, the only thing Mars seems to be made of – rocks.

Pictures sent back to NASA show a now dry outcrop that contains a “sedimentary conglomerate,” rounded gravel clumped together that could only have been formed by running water.

From Caltech’s website:

“From the size of gravels it carried, we can interpret the water was moving about 3 feet per second, with a depth somewhere between ankle and hip deep… This is the first time we’re actually seeing water transported gravel on Mars.”

Scientist John Grotzinger says this is a good sign that Mars is a “habitable environment” but not a “top choice” for preservation. So, when can Earth start sending the Republicans and the homeless up there?

Bloop Bloop, It’s Underwater Hockey Time!

I’m a pretty big fan of hockey, which puts me in the minority as a typical American. You know what doesn’t put me in the minority? …Thinking that underwater hockey looks less appealing than an expired egg salad sandwich.

Yep, underwater hockey (UWH) is real, real hard interesting to watch. The extreme sport originated in England and has been “popular” here (as popular as the season one Glee kids) for the past five years. Here’s how it works:

Two teams of six snorkel, mask and fin-wearing men and women pushing a puck around the floor of the swimming pool with a miniature stick that looks like a dull carving knife.  Continue reading “Bloop Bloop, It’s Underwater Hockey Time!”